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Don’t move: your TB12 Performance Meals are en route

Coming to the forgotten corner of a freezer near you.

"No strawberries — ever!!"

Patrick Smith/Getty Images

If you’re like us, your only prior association with Tom Brady and carrots was a daydream of the legendary quarterback morphing into a goat, then running on a treadmill toward Alex Guerrero’s outstretched hand.

That aside, the union of TB12 and vegan subscription company Purple Carrot may have just revolutionized the health industry.

That’s right: starting April 3rd, you can have Tom Brady’s food stuffs— themselves the stuff of legend—delivered straight to your door. Or, in other words, you can now enjoy the stamina necessary to withstand several re-watches of Super Bowl LI without having to leave your couch.

Here’s how it works: $78/week gets you three, two-serving meals. Per TB12 regulations, each dish—the white lentil risotto looks like a winner, as does the ramen bowl with charred broccolini—is plant-based, gluten-free, high in protein, and low in shame (sugar, soy, processed ingredients, etc.). So there’s no need to feel bad when you eviscerate the rest of the field at the alumni golf tournament. Your body is a temple. The guy who stuffed you in lockers had it coming.

At any rate, the next time you're about to scour the internet for avocado ice cream recipes, search disappointedly for Brady’s $200 cookbook on Amazon (it's sold out), or hold yourself otherwise digestively accountable, just stop it: you’re making it hard on yourself.

Order TB12 Performance Meals from Purple Carrot. Perhaps the Crispy Turnip Cakes, with a side of clutch gene.

 

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