Boycotting the Super Bowl? Here’s what to watch instead

We were so close.

So close to an epic Super Bowl, one pitting a legend’s last hurrah (Ray Lewis) up against a kid that was pretty close to bagging groceries last year (Alex Smith). And a battle between two of the nastiest defenses ever assembled, one that would have evoked images of the backyard brawls of our youth, where the first team to score won the game.

Instead, we get Patriots vs. Giants on Feb. 5 in — of all places — Peyton’s Palace, in Indianapolis.

Wait, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. We’re only one day into the script (and isn’t that what this feels like? … we saw this movie already, the ship hits an iceberg and sinks, end scene) and it’s already hard to watch. Get ready, two weeks of four-year-old highlights.

But this got us thinking here at Remember the Vet, however. What else can we watch on Super Sunday? There are no other real sporting events. The NBA and NHL games end in the early afternoon, so not an option. Don’t despair, friends. There are some alternative choices.

FOX is sticking with its usual Sunday lineup (The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, Family Guy, American Dad). ABC has back-to-back epsidoes of Funniest Home Videos. It’s not as good as the Bob Saget days, but it has potential.

Movies? We got Big Fish on CINEMAX. Solid. AMC has a double bill of Sleepless in Seattle followed by ET. Not bad. COMEDY CENTRAL is offering Joe Dirt (5-7 p.m.). That might get you through the first half. Or, if you want to keep it sports-related, head over to the GOLF CHANNEL and check out Tin Cup.

If you want real sports, well, the closest prime-time event is the World’s Strongest Man Competition on ESPN or Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team is on marathon over on CMT.

If you want to learn something, we suggest starting with Nature on PBS from 6-7 p.m. The show profiles a wolverine, the largest animal in the weasel family. It is billed as a fearsome predator that can take down a moose. After that, switch over to ANIMAL PLANET and catch the Puppy Bowl.

We think we’ve outlined a pretty good selection up above. Still, we need something more. That’s why we’re going with Bring It On: All or Nothing (5-7 p.m.) on ABC FAMILY to start. It’s not as good as the original Bring It On, but it does star Hayden Panettiere, Rihanna and Beyonce’s less attractive (read: supremely inferior) sister. Once that ends, we’ll click on FUSE for their wildly entertaining Sexiest video series. From 8:30-10 p.m. it’ll be all Rihanna.

Wow, that actually wasn’t that hard. So go ahead, NFL, try and crush our Super Bowl dreams. We’ll be just fine — with some cold PBRs and cheap whiskey, of course.