Playing the Field: Kim Kardashian’s sweaty dreams, Name your baby ‘Shabazz’

Stop toying with us, Kim.

Yup, you know it. I know it. The whole Playing the Field audience knows it. Serial athlete dater Kim Kardashian is teetering on the brink of irrelevancy. I mean, it’s a time-tested, proven fact that in Hollywood, flour bombs are more often than not the first step toward irrelevancy. After all, it happened once upon a time to Anna Kournikova, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Harold Minor, Charles Nelson Reilly and Hideo Nomo. Each and every one of them were floured into obscurity (links unavailable).

So while Kim K. is still (barely) hanging on to relevancy, we at Playing the Field offer up three potential athlete boyfriends for her to date over the next 60 days to keep her in the tabloids:

Tim Tebow – The obvious choice. His move to New York sets this up perfectly and would lead to the perfect quarterback love triangle between Kim K., Tebow and Mark Sanchez. Plus Kris Humphries, who is actually playing well on the floor for the Nets recently, is right next door. Who wouldn’t watch “Kim and Tim take The Meadowlands?”

Kobe Bryant – He’s single ladies and he just got benched. Who wouldn’t want to date a maniacal, me-first, wife-cheating sociopath that just happens to be one of the greatest players of all-time? (Hmm, Tiger Woods would also work here).

Plus it would bring the Kardashian drama back to its rightful home of LA.

Tom Brady
– The longest of long-shots but it’s a sure bet that Kim K. would give up half of her ‘thanks dad’ fortune for this type of mainstream drama. Imagine ‘The Tush’ squeezing its way between Gisele and Tom?

We know Brady can’t be happy with Gisele having thrown his favorite receiver under the bus immediately following the Super Bowl. Could that be the first step to a non-Gisele existence for No. 12? Not since his days of dating Tara Reid would Brady be stooping so low as to go the Kardashian route. But we all can dream.

Lame Twitter account of the week: Charlie Villanueva

Tweets we could have done without from the Pistons bust during the past seven days:

@CV31: That’s right Manning to Denver, so who starts Tebow or Manning? (read the papers, Chuck)

@CV31: “can’t worry about things I can’t control” (Diva alert)

@CV31: I’m about to go HAM (Mad Men fan or Hard as a MF’er?)

@CV31: I hate coming to the West Coast, sleeping patterns are messed up, just took a great nap, watching Shark Tank, great show (yup, we really feel for ya buddy)

In a related story, Villanueva has played in a grand total of four games this season, is averaging 1.3 points per game and is earning $7.5 million this season for the 16-32 Pistons.

Introducing Professor Gronk

Would you pay $7 to go see Patriots tight end and perennial NFL offseason MVP Rob Gronkowski give a speech at your local university?

Absolutely, as long as there’s a guaranteed after-party to go with it.

Plus, as we already know, Gronk has a way with words, no matter what language.

The name game

Apparently we missed the baby name memo, but it looks as though ‘Shabazz’ is the new ‘Michael.’

High school basketball phenom Shabazz Muhammad is well on his way to surpassing UConn’s Shabazz Napier as the No. 1 ‘Bazz in the land. He’s certainly a ‘Bazz, ‘Bazz man in the high school ranks and he nearly tore down the rim Monday at the Powerade Jam Fest in Chicago.

It’s now a fact. In the sports lexicon, Shabazz is easily taking the place of Antoine, Antwan, A’Toine, Antwon, Ant’Juan, Antone and Aunt-Juan (all of them so 2005) as the No. 1 sports name in whatever we’re calling this decade. Mark it down.

Stoudemire out with a bulging dick

Speaking of a change in sports lexicon, we think it’s about time to do away with the term ‘bulging disc’ when it comes to lower back injuries.

‘Bulging disc’ is much like the word ironic. No one knows what it means anymore. We should just always refer to ‘bulging disc’ as thisthis … and this:

As always, the sports broadcasting world is one step ahead of all of us.


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