Tupac at Coachella: Hologram rules to abide by if a tour happens (UPDATED)

Snoop and "Tupac" rapping at Coachella on Day Three of the music festival in Indio, Calif.

It’s downright weird to hear Tupac Shakur say, “What the f— is up, Coachella?” in videos of his “live” performance from Sunday night.

His question is certainly an appropriate one, considering that Tupac has been dead since 1996. He stopped walking the earth three years before Coachella even became a viable music festival, so the possibility that the actual man spoke those words before his death is slim.

But there was Tupac Shakur — or at least some sort of hologram of him — shirtless in jeans and work boots, stalking the stage like a ’90s-era 3-D animation. (Think: that creepy “dancing baby” Yeah — that alien and disturbing.) And what’s weirder, is that the Wall Street Journal is reporting that there may even be a tour for this projected late rapper. Although the Journal is stating that the graphic — made by the same company that made Brad Pitt look like a big-headed goofy teen in his role as Benjamin Button — is not actually a hologram, for the purpose of our story we will now refer to the entity that performed on Sunday as hologrammed Tupac

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™.

Anyway, as he appeared to interact with live human versions of Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre, the performance of hologrammed Tupac

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tugged on various heartstrings, provoking assorted profound reactions, both sweet nostalgia and anger at the robotic hubris being displayed.

Apparently fans all over YouTube felt the same way.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be remembered like this. And I don’t think 2pac would either,” mused a user named SlowY00.

While somebody called MsCharlotte01 wrote, “this actually made me get goose bumps actually. amazing”

In the neither-here-nor-there category, but worth mentioning for comic effect, there was also this comment…

“That sh-t was on a whole different level,” wrote a user named iTzShowTiiimee. “Guarantee majority of the people trippin balls definitely thought he was alive. Then when they saw him disappear probably had the worst trip of their life.”

All of these users are right. This advancement in concert technology is both terrifying and exciting. It’s exciting because for music fans born too late it means the chance to experience a concert performance by the likes of Elvis, The Doors, Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix, but the purist in all of us knows that these performances aren’t live, nor are they real. They are incredible displays of technology, but they don’t pack the spiritual punch of a real performance given by a live human being. I’m of the mind that any performance using a hologrammed artist should come with a few caveats.

1) Holograms of dead artists are only to be used with artists who actually performed with them during their lifetime.

2) Only one hologrammed member per act allowed. Sorry, Beatles fans.

3) Hologrammed artists are only allowed to perform a maximum of three songs in a row. Any more than that and fans could believe that the person is really there, which could lead to fans storming the stage to hug the deceased singer, thus shattering the illusion for everybody.

4) Hologrammed artists are not allowed to discuss current events or address a crowd they never would have addressed during their lifetime. It’s too creepy to consider a dead person talking about that when everybody at the concert knows that the real person is buried in the ground.

5) All voicings need to be actual things the hologrammed artist said.

6) Live artists who interact with a hologrammed artist need to put their hands through the hologram at least once per performance.

7) Michael Jackson holograms are only allowed to be from the “Off the Wall” era and before. He can perform songs from “Thriller,” but he can’t showcase any post-plastic surgery features.

8) If any of these rules are broken, the hologrammed artist has to dance with the oogachaka baby.

Also, if you haven’t seen it yet, here is hologrammed Tupac

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in all of his synthetic glory.

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