The best jokes from Sacha Baron Cohen’s ‘The Dictator’ press conference

Sacha Baron Cohen in character as "The Dictator"

The mastermind behind controversial characters Ali G, Borat and Bruno knows how to get bang for his buck when it comes to a public appearance. To promote his upcoming film, “The Dictator,” (May 16) Sacha Baron Cohen arrived at New York’s Waldorf Astoria flanked by four short-skirted “guards” to give a press conference to hundreds of journalists from all over the world.

Questions for the conference were pre-approved, but given the clever answers Baron Cohen concocted for them ahead of time, the lack of spontaneity might’ve been worth it. 

Since in the film Baron Cohen plays Admiral General Aladeen — a misogynistic, racist, anti-semitic ruler of an impoverished African nation of Wadiya — his in-character answers drew gasps and groans. Here are a few of his best zingers:

“We dictators aren’t all bad. While Western countries continue to ravage our planet’s resources, we preserve our land and conserve it by burying thousands of bones in single mass eco-graves.”

“On behalf of my dear friend and doubles tennis partner President Assad of Syria, I want to thank the United Nations for their brave inaction over Syria. Thirteen months and still no security counsel resolution. You guys are amazing. You have done next to nothing for the Syrian people – but remember, you can always do less.”

“There are differences between the Wadiyan film industry and Hollywood. People say I am extravagant for using 20 trillion bottles of Fiji water every day to make snow for my ski resort in the middle of the desert, but am I the person who created ‘John Carter’?”

“It has been a tough year. We have lost a lot of good people and I have lost a lot of good friends – Gaddafi, I miss you [looks in the air]. Sorry, Gaddafi, I miss you [looks at the ground]. Also, KJ, Kimmy G, K-Jo, K-Man – you know, Kim Jong. And of course you know, Chavez died last month – oh oops. You did not hear that from me.”

“Ahmadinejad, he is still around, but he is still an embarrassment. He looks like a snitch on ‘Miami Vice.’ I mean, why does he not wear a tie? Does he think every day in Iran is casual Friday?”

“When I am not watching my people, I am glued to the couch watching the satellite television. My favorite shows are Wadiyan. We have our version of ‘Two and a Half Men.’ It used to be called ‘Three Men’ but one of them tried to steal a grapefruit.”

“My mother died in childbirth of strangulation. My father also died in a tragic hunting accident when he was accidentally hit by 97 stray bullets … My uncle is dying in a helicopter crash later on today.”

“I have 25 female virgin guards who protect me at all times. I know they are virgins at all times because I have their virginity checked every night by the head of my penis.”

“Congratulations to [Megan Fox for being pregnant]. There are rumors that I am the father, but this is literally impossible. It would be the first anal conception. If she is pregnant, so is Heidi Klum and also Donald Trump. He does anything for money.”

“I love Galliano. Say what you want about his avant garde style fashion approach, but the guy does hate Jews.”


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

OMG! Exercise can make skin (and butt) look…

A moderate exercise regime can turn back time and actually reverse the skin's aging process, according to new research. The study showed that a minimum…

News

Mets mascot Mr. Met target of Bill Clinton…

Mets mascot Mr. Met has told how he ended up in the crosshairs of a Secret Service sniper rifle. The man behind the Mr. Met…

International

Jews in eastern Ukraine ordered to register, Kerry…

Secretary of State John Kerry condemned reports that Jews in eastern Ukraine had been ordered to register with the authorities "or suffer the consequences."

National

Chelsea Clinton pregnant with first child

Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with her first child.

Movies

Review: 'Transcendence' is not stupid but sometimes lacks…

The cyberthriller "Transcendence" explores artificial intelligence, nanotechnology and other ethical quandaries, but has too much ambition, if anything.

Television

Dick Wolf to bring fictionalized world of 'Law…

A&E has ordered a pilot called "D.O.A." from "Law and Order" mastermind Dick Wolf that will focus on real detectives reexamining cold cases. A trio…

Television

Shane West talks WGN America's 'Salem'

The actor on history lessons, a new network and showing his butt.

Music

Both feet on the ground with Aimee Mann…

What began with a cool double-bill of Ted Leo opening for Aimee Mann morphed into a full-fledged collaborative project that they're calling The Both. “There…

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox score two in…

Lester shines in Red Sox win over White Sox

Sports

2014 Boston Marathon preview: Elite American, International runners…

2014 Boston Marathon: Elite American, International runners to watch

NBA

2014 NBA Finals odds: Ranking which playoff teams…

2014 NBA Finals odds: Ranking which playoff teams have the best shot at a championship. The Thunder, Clippers, Heat and Rockets lead the way.

NFL

2014 Patriots, full NFL schedule release date announced

2014 Patriots, full NFL schedule release date announced

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.

Wellbeing

Why is dance cardio taking off in NYC?

Instructors at some of the city's hottest classes explain why.

Travel

Earth Day travel in the Florida Keys

See why this eco-friendly destination deserves your attention.

Tech

Sorry, Facebook — FarmVille goes mobile with 'Country…

Zynga has released a version of the hit "FarmVille" tailored for smartphones and tablets in the hope of reaping a bumper crop of players.