Dating after divorce: Can you let go of resentment and start anew?

Are Kris and Bruce Jenner headed for divorce?
Are Kris and Bruce Jenner headed for divorce?

The tabloids are speculating about Kris and Bruce Jenner: Are they headed for divorce? If so, then they would each eventually join the legions of people who have had to start over. Dating after a divorce can be challenging, whether you are in the public eye or not. Two simple rules of thumb can help you push forward into new romantic territory.

First, avoid comparing the person you are dating to your ex. While it is tempting to measure them for better or worse against  your former partner, the real goal is to focus on how they make you feel about yourself when you’re with them. Evaluating them based on how you felt about your ex rather than on who they are means  you will wind up either regretting what you lost or angry about what you missed out on all those years.

That will mire you in the negativity of your former marriage — keeping the pain and loss of divorce alive — instead of letting go and moving on with a new flame. Stay focused on building a new relationship and leave your past where it belongs — behind you.

Second, avoid bad-mouthing your ex —  especially to the person you are dating. This is a difficult one, because most people come away from divorce angry about what went wrong and wanting to talk about it. Be mindful about who you vent to: Blaming and criticizing could scare off your new partner. They could wonder what you might say about them if they did something to upset you. There are two sides to every story, so as much as possible try to present a balanced picture when you are speaking about your former marriage.

Whether you are famous or not, when dealing with the aftermath of divorce this old adage can be helpful: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. When you talk negatively, you keep bad feelings alive. When you talk positively, you put them to rest. The ultimate goal is to get on with your new life in a better place for what you gained from your old one.

Keep these rules in mind and you will be equipped to leave the past in its place and move on with your exciting new dating life.

— Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of “Shrink Wrap” – national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships – and host of “Let’s Talk Sex” at Healthylife.net. Her book, “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship,” is available nationwide.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Memorial held for Sean Collier, MIT police officer…

More than 1,600 people gathered at MIT on Friday for a memorial service for Sean Collier, the police officer shot to death a year ago in the aftermath of the…

National

Florida man charged with murdering son to play…

A Florida man annoyed that his 16-month-old crying son was preventing him from playing video games suffocated the toddler, police said on Friday.

International

Powerful 7.2 magnitude earthquake rattles Mexico

A powerful earthquake struck Mexico Friday, shaking buildings and sending people running into the street, although there were no reports of major damage.

News

OMG! Exercise can make skin (and butt) look…

A moderate exercise regime can turn back time and actually reverse the skin's aging process, according to new research. The study showed that a minimum…

Entertainment

Whoopi Goldberg makes her debut as marijuana columnist

"It helps my head stop hurting, and with glaucoma your eyes ache, and she takes the ache out. It's wonderful," she said.

The Word

Kate Middleton made fun of Prince William's bald…

Kate Middleton and Prince William are in Sydney, Australia, right now, and it sounds like that brash Aussie sense of humor might be rubbing off.

The Word

Is Tom Cruise dating Laura Prepon?

"Mission: Impossible" star Cruise is said to be dating Laura Prepon, star of "Orange is the New Black."

Television

'Scandal' recap: Season 3, Episode 18, 'The Price…

Sally is Jesus, Olivia caused global warming, and Mellie's still drunk. Let's recap the Scandal finale. A church full of Washington insiders is about to…

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox defeat Orioles, 4-2

Brock Holt the difference in the Red Sox' win

NHL

NHL video highlights & analysis: Red Wings dump…

NHL video highlights & analysis: Red Wings dump Bruins in Game 1

MLB

MLB video highlights: Orioles top Red Sox, 8-4…

John Lackey roughed up for second straight outing

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox score two in…

Lester shines in Red Sox win over White Sox

Parenting

How to parent without gender stereotypes in a…

Christia Spears Brown, Phd. author of "Parenting beyond Pink & Blue" gives advice on raising kids free of gender stereotypes.

Tech

VIDEO: 'Vein-scanning' may become the future of paying

Designed to make transactions quicker and easier, the technology works by scanning the unique vein patterns in each person's palm.

Tech

#FollowFriday: 10 of the smartest Twitter accounts

Spending lots of time on Twitter? You might as well learn something. Here are some of the smartest accounts to follow.

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.