Super Bowl real talk with an anti-football fan

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While the Seahawks were busy almost shutting out the Broncos this past Sunday, Brigham Circle was a bit of a dead zone. It figures. The majority of us in this town, it seems, don’t care about football unless the home team is about to win the big one. But that majority doesn’t include this dude, Adam Weber, who was hanging out by Penguin Pizza. He doesn’t care about football, either way.

How’s the game?

I’m not watching it.

Would you be watching if the Patriots were playing?

I would be even less watching the game. I’m not a sports fan, and I’m even less of a fan of people who live in New England who are sports fans. They’re the worst.

What’s your beef with New England sports fans?

Their obnoxious obsession with winning.

I hear the three guys from “Full House” are reuniting for a yogurt commercial.

Uh, isn’t one of them dead?

Dave Coulier, yeah, he’s been dead for a few years. They’re dragging his corpse around like a big puppet, just like the guy in “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

Oh, OK. Great. Editor’s note: Dave Coulier is not dead.

Was “Full House” the best or the worst show ever?

Well, I grew up watching it. So … average? It was good when I was little. I don’t think I’d watch it now though.

Which of the Tanner girls were you most attracted to?

Mary-Kate Olsen. I was [her] age [at the time] though, so it was OK.

Why are the Red Hot Chili Peppers still a band?

Oh, their last album was really terrible. But they’ve been making music for a long time, so I think they deserve a second chance.

Does it concern you that they still refuse to wear shirts, despite their saggy old man skin?

Uh, I mean, nudity is cool. That’s fine. Whatever they want to do that makes them happy.

What would your Yelp review of Penguin Pizza say?

They’re awesome. They have a lot of beer and really good pizza.

What’s your favorite kinda pizza to get here?

The salmon one. I like good fish.

 


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