Fake celebrity discussions over Thanksgiving break

Miley Cyrus AMA
Miley will be making this kitten do jager bombs over Thanksgiving break. We just know it. Credit: Getty

What do the rich and famous do over Thanksgiving break? They probably don’t do what we do, which is hanging out in our hometown bars, drinking cheap domestics with people from high school. However, what if they did? For this special Black Friday Word, Metro staffers imagined what kind of discussions the rich and famous have at their hometown hangs.

“Oh… Kelly and Michelle… Hi! Um, long have you guys been bartending here?” – Beyonce

“Soooo, do you have SnapChat?” – Anthony Weiner

“I don’t know, y’all. Have I made enough of a statement this year that I am finally a woman?” - Miley Cyrus

“Guys, I know it’s not like me to walk away from a fight, but if I get nabbed one more time for beating somebody up, I’ll go away for a long time. Now, let’s just chill, get another pitcher of Miller Lite and play some Keno.” - Chris Brown

“Oh man, bro, last time I saw you, we were, what, in middle school? Can’t believe it’s been 5 years!” - Justin Bieber

“Wait, what?! You prefer the dark meat? Oh, hell no! Bartender, keep the White Russians comin’ sugar…” - Paula Deen

“Ima let you finish that Pabst, bro, but I have to tell you… I’m pretty sure my Thanksgiving stuffing recipe is the best recipe of all time. OF ALL TIME” - High art genius Kanye West.

“Yeah, everyone is totally buying this sweet goofy girl act! Whatever, more money in my pocket. God I hate my fans.” - Jennifer Lawrence

“Good to see everyone, eh? So you guys remember that weird older dude Doug we used to buy drugs from in high school? Oh man, I know! Us crazy kids, eh? But uh, yeah, anyone keep in touch with that guy? Asking for a friend.” -Rob Ford [Editor's note: We know Canadian Thanksgiving is in October; please grant us this creative license that Rob Ford hangs out in townie bars when he's home on break]



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

At 91, Marvel creator Stan Lee continues to…

By Piya Sinha-RoyLOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Marvel Entertainment's chief emeritus Stan Lee may be in his ninth decade, but it hasn't stopped him from adding…

National

Islamic State says beheads U.S. journalist, holds another

Islamic State insurgents released a video purportedly showing the beheading of U.S. journalist James Foley, who had gone missing in Syria nearly two years ago.

Local

VIDEO: NYPD seeks shooter in East New York…

Cops are on the lookout for an unknown shooter who aimed and missed hitting a man on a bicycle, instead nearly striking a nearby officer in East New York.

Local

NYS state forces thrift shops comply with ban…

Nine New York City thrift shops were reprimanded by the state attorney general for selling children's clothes with drawstrings around the neck and waist.

Television

'Pretty Little Liars' recap: Season 5, Episode 11,…

Caleb's not a ghost. Spencer might still be an attempted murderer. And Hanna's going to die next week. In other words, we actually got some…

Movies

At 91, Marvel creator Stan Lee continues to…

Marvel Entertainment's Stan Lee is adding outposts to his creative empire to interest a new generation of children in super heroes of all shapes and sizes.

Television

Mira Sorvino explores immortality on 'Intruders'

Mira Sorvino's new show "Intruders" centers around a secret society that achieves immortality by taking over the bodies of other people.

Television

5 things you need to know about new…

"Doctor Who" returns Saturday with a new star, Peter Capaldi. Here's some things to know about him (mainly his turn as sweary spin doctor Malcolm Tucker).

MLB

Shane Greene travels unlikely road to Yankees stardom

Shane Greene was throwing a bullpen session on a quiet field at Daytona Beach Community College one day when the ball started moving.

NFL

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL…

2014 Fantasy Football: Rankings, list of top NFL tight ends (TE)

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: Angels supplant A's, Nationals climb

MLB Power Rankings: Angels supplant A's, Nationals climb

NFL

David Wilson returns to triple jump, sets sights…

Giants fans know David Wilson can jump. They are just more used to seeing him go for backflips, not distance.

Style

11 timeless gifts for registries or just because

Gifts to prove you're a style maven once and for all.

Parenting

How everyday moments can inspire kids' creativity

"The Artist's Way for Parents" author Julia Cameron gives advice on how parents and children can be creative together.

Tech

How to stay safe online

Stop worrying about keeping your online passwords safe, and start worrying about keeping your username a secret. Actually, worry about both. According to Shaun Murphy…

Tech

OpenTable now lets you pay your bill via…

The restaurant app OpenTable added the ability to pay your bill (and tip) with your phone, thus cutting back on a few dining annoyances.