Just like starting over: How to feel better after being dumped

Get more tips from Urquhart at www.newroadcoaching.com.

The holidays can often be a breaking point for relationships that are on the fritz, which is why many find themselves down and out at the beginning of a new year. But hey, what better time to start over and shed the dysfunction of that no-good ex of yours? Caird Urquhart’s new book, “30 Ways to Better Days: How to Rally After You’ve Been Dumped” offers some key tips for putting your life back together and moving on as healthfully and quickly as possible. She offers us her top tips for starting over:

Don’t react: “You have to sit with it a bit at the end of the relationship,” Urquhart says. “It’s important to not make a lot of really big decisions right away. I personally like to take a year, because you need to go through each season, each celebration and each holiday to grieve that past relationship, because you’re always reminded of what happened this time last year.”

Get a grief team: “A grief team is really important for getting over a relationship,” Urquhart explains. “Often we’ll go to a particular [friend] … for hours talking about our woes, but you can wear down your friends that way, so I recommend that you have a different person for each day of the week, because you’re going to want to talk about it a lot. Make sure those people have your best interests at heart.”
 
Get rid of the “stuff”: “Get rid of any old letters, texts or e-mails,” Urquhart says. “Maybe [he or she is] on Facebook, maybe [he or she] left a few things at your apartment. It’s important to tuck that stuff away so that you’re not looking at it every day and giving yourself visual reminders of that person.
That also opens the space up for you to replace them with pictures of your nephews and nieces and your other friends. Replace him or her with other moments in your life.”

Don’t ask about your ex:
“If you’re going to parties and you’re finding that [his or her] name is always popping up, do not enter those conversations,” Urquhart says. “Don’t look to your [friends] to get information about him [or her]. You just don’t need to know.”
 
Start doing something new:
“Start taking classes with a different group of people. Hang out at a new gym,” Urquhart suggests. “Go to places where you don’t know the people, because that person’s name won’t be in the dialogue. This also frees you up to start recreating yourself.”

Working out the anger
   
“It’s really important to have an angry time,” says Urquhart. “If you’re a runner, go running. Get out and hit the boxing bag. That’s a non-harmful way of getting the anger out. But also be aware of how long you’re carrying that anger. There’s nothing worse than when someone is five years out of a relationship and they’re still bitter. People can smell that a mile away, and that will hurt your next opportunity to meet somebody.”


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
International

'Barack Obama cheats on Michelle' claims Japanese politician…

A senior Japanese politician has marred Barack Obama's official visit to Tokyo with bizarre claims that the President cheats on his wife Michelle. Kazuyuki Hamada,…

International

British Royal family devastated by freak NY death…

The British royals have been left devastated by the death of Mark Shand, younger brother of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, after a freak fall in…

Local

DA: Homeless man severely beat by men in…

Two former college football players pleaded not guilty to the alleged severe beating of a homeless man in Allston earlier this year.

National

Hamas, Abbas's PLO announce reconciliation agreement

The Gaza-based Islamist group Hamas and President Mahmoud Abbas's Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) agreed on Wednesday to a unity pact.

Television

‘Survivor: Cagayan’ recap: Episode 9

It was only an hour-long episode, but there's a lot to cover this week. The drama of Survivor strikes again as the identity of the…

Going Out

Thursty: Revamped Audubon is back in action

Having been a long time fan of Trina's Starlite Lounge in Inman Square, one of my only complaints about the place is that there's only…

Entertainment

Here's what to do in Boston this weekend

MUSIC Huun Huur Tu Friday, 8 p.m. First Church in Cambridge 11 Garden St., Cambridge $28, 617-876-4275 www.worldmusic.org This group comes from the tiny nation…

Television

TV watch list, Wednesday, April 23: 'Suburgatory,' 'Modern…

'Suburgatory' The men of "Suburgatory" go camping and Tessa mentors a social outcast in a Miss Chatswin contest, which brings her, once again, into conflict…

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24…

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24 version

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox top Yankees, 5-1

John Lackey shines, Pineda ejected in Red Sox win

NHL

Bruins - Red Wings Game 4 preview: Boston…

Bruins - Red Wings Game 4 preview: Boston greedy for more dominance

MLB

Fantasy baseball: Searching for early season prospects

It’s relatively rare for a mediocre 30-year-old hitter to suddenly go nuts offensively for 162 games. That’s why minor league prospects are so exciting.

Style

Pippa Middleton's Etsy pick: Golden Thread Jewelry

Get a look at the jewelry Pippa Middleton loves and find out how you can buy it too.

Parenting

What every parent needs to know to get…

Mom and author of "Small Talk," Tracey Blake, shares her five practical tips to help you develop your children's language skills.

Sex

Subway crush: Meet your soulmate on your commute

Read about a couple who has been 40 years after meeting on the train.

Tech

Happy birthday, Game Boy! The handheld console turns…

Nintendo's Game Boy turns 25 this week. To commemorate, we look at some of its better games, like "Tetris" and "The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening."