Playing the Field: What’s in a name, Chad Seisnueve?

Ahhh, what could have been, Seattle ... memories of a scorned lover.

For many of us, our surname carries tons of pride. Maybe it dates back to a long line of kings or conquistadors, or maybe you are simply stuck with the responsibility of being the last person capable of continuing the blood line.

Whatever the reason, your last name is important — unless your name is Chad Ochocinco. The former Patriots wide receiver — he was cut Thursday — is being offered $69,000 to legally change his name to Chad Seisnueve, by the popular porn site, PornHub.

First, let’s just say, if we have to explain what Seisnueve means in Spanish or why it’s funny (or why it has us LMFAO, for you texting nerds out there). Now back to Chad. He’s a proud, unemployed black man. He’s already changed his name once, from Chad Johnson to Chad Ochocinco.

Here’s a portion of the official letter …

Dear Mr. Ochocinco,

We would like to extend a proposal to you to legally change your name to Chad Seisnueve on the day of June 9, 2012 for the subsequent 24 hours. As proof, all we require from you is a twitpic of the approved name change registration from accompanied by a @Pornhub hashtag mention. We believe that this partnership can be beneficial to both parties.

The opening part of the offer praises Chad’s dedication to PornHub. Apparently, he is a huge fan of the site and a great brand ambassador on Twitter. Many have reached out to Chad via Twitter to seek comment. He wants $690,000. Here’s his response: “Add a 0 in front of the 9 RT @Pornhub.”

We find it hard to believe that he wouldn’t do it. Just check the fine print, we don’t want to see Chad end up in a X-rated version of “The Longest Yard.”

Sonics advance to NBA Finals

Kevin Durant wowed the city of Seattle with his highlight-reel dunks for just one season. One season they’ll never forget. Durant and the Sonics were quickly stolen from Seattle in 2008 and sent to Oklahoma City. Four years later, they are four wins away from winning the NBA title.

Most of the key players — Durant, Russell Westbrook, Serge Ibaka — came into the league wearing those awesome, green Sonics jerseys. Now, they’ll hoist the Larry O’Brien in the place Timothy McVeigh tried to blow up.

This would be like someone sticking it out with an average girl. She’s a little chunky when you meet her, but you get her a gym membership. She might be a little underdeveloped, but you pay for some cosmetic surgery. Maybe you land her a job as an administrative assistant, instead of that old bartending gig. Then, she runs off with the CEO and wins a beauty pageant.

That’s Seattle right now. It’s the fat guy sitting alone at the bar. And they know it.

Pearls of Wisdom

We recently had the privilege of interviewing Earl “The Pearl” Monroe. The Philly native is considered one of the greatest basketball players of all-time. He was inducted into the Naismith Memorial Hall of Fame in 1990. We won’t bore you with all his accomplishments. All you need to know is that he was the inspiration for Ray Allen/Jesus Shuttlesworth.

Anyway, here’s what The Pearl told Metro:

Metro: Any predictions for the NBA Finals? (asked before OKC won)
Pearl: My picks are Miami and Oklahoma City

Metro: Which players remind you of yourself in today’s NBA?
Pearl: None, really. Maybe a Dwyane Wade because of his slashing and ability to pull up and hit a jumper.

Metro: How was growing up and learning basketball in Philly?
Pearl: Philly basketball was not just a sport, it was a religion. The younger players were taught and nurtured by the older players.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

Boston Strong: One year on from Boston Marathon…

  For more than a century the Boston Marathon has been an even centred around sportsmanship, endurance and athleticism, but there's no denying the face…

Local

Hillary Clinton headed to Boston for women's leadership…

Former U.S. Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is set to visit Massachusetts Wednesday amid continuing speculation about making another bid for the presidency in 2016.

Local

Boston Marathon: Marathoners ready to run, honor victims

Scores of runners will cross the Boston Marathon starting line in Hopkinton Monday and embark on a 26.2-mile journey to Boston in honor of the victims.

Local

MIT student, Rhodes scholar, dies

Eliana Hechter, a student at MIT and Harvard, died, her family said. The announcement was posted on MIT's website.

Television

‘Mad Men’ recap: Season 7, Episode 2, ‘A…

Peggy and Lou are horrible, Bert's racist, Don is honest(ish) and Roger and Pete are frustrated. "A Day's Work" not quite worthy of "This Will Be Our Year."

Television

'Game of Thrones' recap: Season 4, Episode 3,…

The problem with the devil you know is that ignoring them doesn’t mean they simply lie in wait. It allows them time to do things…

Television

Discovery cancels 'Everest Jump Live' special in wake…

The Discovery Channel has indicated it will not be moving forward with "Everest Jump Live," a planned special about mountain climber Joby Ogwyn's effort to…

The Word

'X-Men' director Bryan Singer drama continues

  News broke late last week that "X-Men" and "The Usual Suspects" director Bryan Singer is being sued by a man who said Singer molested…

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox walk off with…

Red Sox pick up first walk off win of 2014

MLB

Red Sox and Orioles meet Monday morning at…

Red Sox and Orioles meet Monday morning at 11 a.m.

NHL

NHL video highlights: Bruins smack down Red Wings…

NHL video highlights: Bruins smack down Red Wings in Game 2

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox defeat Orioles, 4-2

Brock Holt the difference in the Red Sox' win

Travel

Packing: The one thing you need in your…

A new survey that looks at the travel habits of 50,000 people around the world has revealed that Western and Asian globetrotters have different priorities…

Home

Is your chair making it hard to talk?

Ever wished there was an office chair that could make impromptu meetings and discussions more private? The Cristiana Wing Chair is an asymmetrical armchair which…

Travel

Live large at these luxury hotels

From Thai boxing lessons and macabre Dracula tours to the Australian Outback, the Four Seasons hotel chain launched a series of new travel packages this…

Parenting

4 things that every summer camp should have

Alan Saltz, director of the 92nd street Y program lists things that every summer camp should have.