Bolaris Vision: Why won’t my boyfriend move in with me?

john bolaris
Metro columnist John Bolaris

My partner and I have been dating long distance for two and a half years. I’m graduating at the end of the year and I want to move in with him. He says he’s not ready to move in together. Should I give him more time, or should I move on?
—Kayla, 29

It’s interesting that you said my partner and I have been dating for two and a half years years. Let’s break this down.

Partner, by definition, is a person who takes part in an understanding with another or others, especially in a business or company with shared risks and profits.

Dating, by definition, is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.

Just by your opening sentence, you never said you were in a relationship or “my boyfriend.” So with this in mind I will assume you both are “allowed” to see other people.

Through my years of dating, I find this usually turns out to be a relationship train wreck as what a women thinks of a date, and if she is truly into someone, a kiss goodnight, “thanks for chow” and “let me call my man.”

The man, on the other hand, has this emotional detachment. He thinks, “I’m allowed to date, so I’m not doing anything wrong here” even if his bedroom turns into the chariots of fire.

You’re graduating in a few months, it’s been two and a half years, it’s long distance and your partner said he’s not ready. You’re young, educated and have a bright future ahead. DO NOT guilt your man/partner into doing something he is not ready for.

Thank him for his honesty and you never know, he might have done you a big favor. Two and a half years seems long enough time.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Video: Car crashes into Cambridge store, man arrested…

A Cambridge man was arrested on gun and drug charges after crashing his car into a Massachusetts Avenue storefront early Saturday morning.

Local

Body found believed to be missing Fitchburg boy…

The body of a child found off of a highway in Sterling last week is likely that of missing Fitchburg boy Jeremiah Oliver, authorities said.

Local

Memorial held for Sean Collier, MIT police officer…

More than 1,600 people gathered at MIT on Friday for a memorial service for Sean Collier, the police officer shot to death a year ago in the aftermath of the…

National

Florida man charged with murdering son to play…

A Florida man annoyed that his 16-month-old crying son was preventing him from playing video games suffocated the toddler, police said on Friday.

Television

'Orphan Black' recap: Episode 1, ‘Nature Under Constraint…

Welcome to your first Season 2 “Orphan Black” recap! Hopefully Tatiana Maslany can help Tatiana Maslany get through this, with the help of Tatiana Maslany,…

Entertainment

Whoopi Goldberg makes her debut as marijuana columnist

"It helps my head stop hurting, and with glaucoma your eyes ache, and she takes the ache out. It's wonderful," she said.

The Word

Kate Middleton made fun of Prince William's bald…

Kate Middleton and Prince William are in Sydney, Australia, right now, and it sounds like that brash Aussie sense of humor might be rubbing off.

The Word

Is Tom Cruise dating Laura Prepon?

"Mission: Impossible" star Cruise is said to be dating Laura Prepon, star of "Orange is the New Black."

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox defeat Orioles, 4-2

Brock Holt the difference in the Red Sox' win

NHL

NHL video highlights & analysis: Red Wings dump…

NHL video highlights & analysis: Red Wings dump Bruins in Game 1

MLB

MLB video highlights: Orioles top Red Sox, 8-4…

John Lackey roughed up for second straight outing

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox score two in…

Lester shines in Red Sox win over White Sox

Parenting

Is camp right for introverts?

We ask an expert for tips on sending your introverted child to camp

Parenting

How to parent without gender stereotypes in a…

Christia Spears Brown, Phd. author of "Parenting beyond Pink & Blue" gives advice on raising kids free of gender stereotypes.

Tech

VIDEO: 'Vein-scanning' may become the future of paying

Designed to make transactions quicker and easier, the technology works by scanning the unique vein patterns in each person's palm.

Tech

#FollowFriday: 10 of the smartest Twitter accounts

Spending lots of time on Twitter? You might as well learn something. Here are some of the smartest accounts to follow.