The do’s and don’ts of kinky sex

sex handcuffs kink
Being kinky means different things to different people, but being informed and communicating is always a must. Credit: Fuse

We need to abandon this idea that there are two ways to get it on: regular sex and kink. Sex means that there is no “regular.” According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (the largest and most comprehensive of its kind), there is “enormous variability” in the ways that people knock boots. Furthermore, the survey shows that there’s usually more than one sex act happening per session. Since kink refers to sexual activities outside your usual practice, for some guys, oral sex with women or mutual masturbation would be considered kinky pleasures. For others, these activities are just called fun.

Whether you enjoy face-sitting, spanking, swinging, BDSM or the occasional fuzzy handcuff, your sexual delights are your business. Follow these tips to get your kink on even harder:

DON’T believe the hype about prudishness.
Desire is as unique as each individual who indulges it. Instead of pondering whether you’re more or less kinky or prudish, have fun with whichever delicious activities please you the most.

DO use the Internet to find others who share your kinky interests.
Try websites like ALT.com, CollarMe.com, FetLife.com, KinkAcademy.com and SwingLifeStyle.com. Whether you peruse these sites on your own or with a partner, remember that communication is key. Be sure to talk about boundaries and expectations. And, of course, follow the best practices for privacy and online safety.

DO visit your local sex toy store or online shop.
Research shows that 44 percent of women ages 18 to 60 have used a sex toy, and 20 percent of men have used a vibrator. Investigate ball gags, prostate massagers, harnesses, strap-ons and butt plugs. Maybe you’ll buy something new, maybe you won’t. View a wide selection of offerings to not only titillate the mind but also to remind yourself of the endless sexy possibilities out there.

DO remember getting kinky doesn’t require sex.
Be creative! Fantasize. Role-play. Read erotica about sex with genders, races or scenarios that do not match your own proclivities. Watch different genres of porn.

• DON’T forget to learn the language.
A munch is a low-pressure, public gathering of people interested in BDSM. Leather culture involves more than gay men in chaps. As with any interest or community, get informed to better respect and connect with others.

• DO remember to stay safe.
Ditching conventions does not require exposure to STDs or physical harm. The phrase “safe, sane and consensual,” or SSC, refers to sexual practices that occur while of sound mind, are not hazardous, and happen with the expressed permission of all parties involved. Be responsible and enjoy!

• DON’T forget to look around the house for inspiration.
Belts and spatulas are excellent spanking tools, and you can use at least one garment hanging in your closet as a restraint.

— Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She has contributed to CNN, NPR, Sirius, Lifetime, Mashable, Nerve, Fast Company magazine, CBC (Canadian National Radio), Paris Première (French television) and Al Jazeera. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick.


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