‘If a dildo was set on fire, is it still safe?’ Funky Brown Chick knows

Twanna Hines Funky Brown Chick
Do you have questions? Funky Brown Chick, aka Twanna Hines, has the answers to your deepest sex and relationship worries.

I’ve got a quick question and it’s kinda weird. My girlfriend has had this Dick Rambone dildo for some time and, recently, she has grown quite fond of it. That is until three days ago, when the damn thing caught on fire next to her dresser while she was in the shower. (I knocked the dresser not knowing there was a lit candle next to it.) Is the dildo still safe to use? I managed to get all the wax off, but it still has some burns on it and it smells like burnt rubber. Is it toxic to use internally?

Are you serious?! Sir, you are the reason I love writing this column. As anyone who’s ever signed up for Tinder, OkCupid, Match.com, JDate or any other dating site can attest, anything is possible — and, thanks to the Internet, we can all find out about it. I appreciate your sharing.

I’ll take you at your word and assume that the situation above actually occurred. Worst case scenario, you’ve given everyone a laugh, something we can all appreciate. Best case scenario, you truly need advice, and my tips will not only improve your sex life but also aid others in similar situations. In either case, thank you. Here is my advice.

Read all of my columns.

Published in print and online every other Thursday, I answer questions from Metro readers to provide the public with useful, important sexual health information to improve your relationships. This education is meant be to be additive: The more you read, the more you know. To get a sex toy safety primer, check out my previous column, “Are your sex toys safe? We ask an expert” on Metro’s website. It’s a great starting point.

Remember your health

It sounds simple, but it’s really a fairly revolutionary idea: Sexual health is, indeed, about your health. Educators teach the subject in classrooms, online and with columns like mine to prevent sickness, injury and death. Please know that plastics contains all kinds of compounds, some of them toxic. When burned, these substances not only break apart and attach to the product’s surface, they can also release into the air as harmful gases such as carbon monoxide and hydrogen cyanide. This may be painful to hear, but trust me on this one: Throw. The Rambone. Dick. Away.

Buy your girlfriend a new toy

You mentioned she was “quite fond” of her toy. Given Dick Rambone dildos can measure up to 18 inches in length and the girth of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s forearm, this item was probably pretty special to your girlfriend. Since you’re the one who destroyed it, you owe her a replacement. Either buy the same model you ruined or branch out and purchase a new product that meets her unique style, interests and preferred sexual activities. The romantic shopping possibilities are endless. Treat your gift like any other present: wrap it, and don’t forget a card and the bow! No matter what you buy, she’ll appreciate the extra effort. It’s always the thought that counts.

Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She has contributed to CNN, NPR, Sirius, Lifetime, Mashable, Nerve, Fast Company magazine, CBC (Canadian National Radio), Paris Première (French television) and Al Jazeera. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick. Send your deepest love queries to questions@funkybrownchick.com.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
News

Rock legend Neil Young files for divorce after…

The legendary Canadian rocker Neil Young has filed for divorce from his wife of 36 years.

Local

Cabbie tried to sexually assault passenger with kids…

NYPD is on the lookout for a taxi driver suspected of trying to sexually assault a female passenger while her three kids were in the car.

Local

FDNY debuts new fire simulator for blazes at…

The New York City Fire Department christened its newest, state-of-the-art, custom-built simulator at its training academy on Randall's Island Tuesday.

Local

Bronx cop saves baby who stopped breathing

A Bronx police officer is credited with saving the life of a 2-month-old baby who stopped breathing Tuesday morning. Police Officer Johnny Castillo, 38, was…

Movies

Review: Pierce Brosnan gets a cut-rate Bond knockoff…

Pierce Brosnan tries to reclaim his glory days with the spy thriller "The November Man" but instead gets a sad DTV-style ripoff with lame action.

Gossip

Ariana Grande addresses Big Sean dating rumors

Now that Ariana Grande and Big Sean were caught on camera holding hands, she has something to say.

Entertainment

QUIZ: How many English words do you actually…

Are you as smart as you say you are? Are you a word nerd? Take this quick vocabulary test to find out if you're a true wordsmith. Good luck.

Television

'Pretty Little Liars' recap: Season 5, Episode 12,…

If you've wondered whether Ali and Bethany knew each other, you got an answer tonight: Yes, and in a very tangled way. But many lingering…

College

When are 2014 college football playoffs? (Schedule, date,…

When and where are 2014 college football playoffs? A look at the schedule, date, TV, time for the semi-finals at championship game.

NFL

Dimitri Patterson suspended only for rest of preseason…

Dimitri Patterson ended up getting just a slap on the wrist.

Sports

Eugenie Bouchard excited for 'rowdy' fans at US…

Eugenie Bouchard is sure to endear herself to New York's tennis faithful as she tries to win her first grand slam title across the next two weeks.

MLB

MLB Power Rankings: Angels and A's still at…

MLB Power Rankings: Angels and A's still at top, Nationals climb

Parenting

Lure your baby to sleep with Maroon 5…

These new renditions of "Moves Like Jagger" and "Payphone" are Maroon 5 like you've never heard them before.

Wellbeing

Who is having the most orgasms?

  Single lesbians report having orgasms more often than heterosexual women but both gay and straight men still come out on top of the climax…

Home

Jonathan Adler shares his tips for a great…

Jonathan Adler took a break from boogie boarding at his beach house to tell us how to keep that Labor Day party festive.

Travel

Most popular Labor Day weekend destinations

Priceline.com released its Top 20 destinations for the end of summer, including Labor Day weekend. If you’re heading to any of these spots, expect a…