When photos surfaced of Heidi Klum vacationing with her bodyguard, Martin Kristen, in Italy over the weekend, it didn’t quite look like anyone was on the clock. Klum’s ex-husband, Seal, was more than happy to confirm the rumors.

“I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were,” the singer told TMZ when asked for a comment on the photos, which show Kristen and Klum with their arms around each other. “But I guess you now all have the answer that you’ve been looking for for the past seven months.”

Usually we’d feel gross still talking about a couple who separated almost eight months ago, but you’ll remember that these two made us watch as they renewed their vows every year. Plus, they have “help” to “fornicate” with — they’ll be OK.

Heidi Klum for the win

As for Heidi Klum, she pulled out all of her PR tricks for an expertly crafted masterpiece of a rebuttal: “I cherish all of the great memories Seal and I created together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of us,” she tells Us Weekly. “Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be protecting and providing for our children.”

Now that, friends, is a thing of beauty. Serene on the surface with unmistakable hints of superiority and a potential for highly personal media warfare — we’re getting chills just reading it. 

Phelps always plays to win

Perhaps not surprisingly, Michael Phelps went to Las Vegas to win. While in town with friends over the weekend, he raked in somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000 playing poker at Caesar’s Palace, reports TMZ.  He promptly spent most of it at the nightclub at the Wynn hotel, the scene of Prince Harry’s recent photo scandal.  From what we can tell, Phelps didn’t take things upstairs — but if he did, you better believe he wasn’t going to lose a game of strip pool to a bunch of Vegas party girls.

One less bill for Cage

He may still be in tax trouble, but Nicolas Cage has at least one tab settled. After the actor racked up $224 in late fees for “The King of Comedy” and “A Star is Born,” L.A.’s Old Bank DVD launched a Facebook campaign for him to pay up. Over the weekend, Cage called the store to apologize, blaming the mistake on his assistant — making him, quite possibly, the only guy with an assistant who still rents DVDs from video stores.