The Broad Experience: Negotiating While Female

 

Ashley Milne-Tyte says women need to stick to their guns while being polite when negotiating a raise.
Ashley Milne-Tyte says women need to stick to their guns while being polite when negotiating a raise.

How often do you negotiate a raise? If you’re female, the answer is quite likely to be not often, or even never. My first time came about 12 years ago. I was in my 20s and about to switch roles within a company. My co-worker told me I should shoot for a number that constituted a 25 percent raise. It seemed like a huge amount and I found it horribly awkward to discuss money — let alone think I was actually worth something. I squirmed at the thought. But during the interview, I summoned up the courage to make the ask. My supervisor acted surprised, which made me uncomfortable, but I managed to resist backing down.

He muttered that it was a very large raise and I was unlikely to receive that much. Still, he said he’d see what he could do.

I got it.

That was my first lesson in negotiating. Just ask — they can always say no. In almost every study done on negotiating, women simply don’t ask for raises as frequently as men do. It’s one of the many reasons for the gender pay gap. Of course, I know men who hate negotiating as much as I do (I never said it was fun) and women who consider it a point of pride to fight fiercely for what they’re worth. But in general, women face particular challenges when it comes to asking for what we want.

Society still views women as nice and accommodating. Asking for more money doesn’t fit that picture. So we have to be careful how we do it to avoid turning people off. But if you don’t ask, you have no idea what you could get. You could be turned down, but isn’t it better to find out by asking in the first place?

Do’s and Don’ts:

DO your research first. There’s a ton of it out there. I recommend Shenegotiates.com and the book “Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Want” by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever.

DON’T immediately back down if your boss balks at your request. This is all part of the game.

DO remain pleasant and polite throughout. Research shows women can get more from negotiating if they keep playing nice while sticking firmly to their guns.

DON’T say things like “because I deserve it.” It gets interviewers and managers all hot under the collar because it goes against gender norms for women.

Ashley Milne-Tyte is a radio producer and reporter based in New York City. She hosts a bi-monthly podcast called “The Broad Experience” about women in the workplace.

TBE_FinalBanner-01



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Thousands protest in New York over Eric Garner…

The Reverend Al Sharpton led thousands of chanting but peaceful activists in a march across Staten Island on Saturday to protest the death of Eric Garner.

International

Egypt calls for Gaza ceasefire as fighting rages

Egypt called on Israel and the Palestinians on Saturday to halt fire and resume peace talks, but violence continued unabated.

National

SpaceX rocket terminated in Texas test flight

A Space Exploration Technologies’ Falcon 9 rocket suffered an anomaly shortly after launch on a test flight, triggering its automatic termination system.

Local

MAP: New York City Street Closures August 22,…

The Percy Sutton Harlem 5K and NYC Family Health Walk-a-thon and Pakistan Day Parade and Fair will cause traffic delays and street closures in New York City this weekend. Plan…

Music

Arcade Fire concert review, Massachusetts, Aug. 19

Arcade Fire take the opposite approach of "Shut up and play the hits," and it works in their favor on the "Reflektor" tour.

Television

Recap: 'The Knick,' Season 1, Episode 3, 'The…

The third episode of Steven Soderbergh's "The Knick" finds Dr. Thackery (Clive Owen) meeting an old flame and other characters embracing self-destruction.

Music

Webcast: Watch Polyphonic Spree live on Sunday Aug.…

Polyphonic Spree singer Tim DeLaughter sits with Metro Music Editor Pat Healy for a chat and then the big band performs live. It begins on Sunday at 9:30 pm

Movies

Matthew Weiner on directing 'Are You Here' and…

"Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner discusses his movie "Are You Here," his history writing comedy and the tiny movie he directed in 1996 you can't see.

NFL

3 things we learned about the Giants in…

The Giants claimed the Snoopy trophy in a battle of MetLife Stadium tenants Friday night. But more importantly, the offense finally showed some life in…

NFL

3 things we learned about the Jets in…

The Jets lost the Snoopy Bowl, 35-24, to the Giants, losing the trophy and local bragging rights.

NFL

Fantasy football draft guide: How to draft your…

Many are wondering if we’re entering a new age in fantasy football drafting — one where running backs take a backseat.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Giants storylines to watch

The Giants have plenty to work on as they reach the dress rehearsal preseason game Friday night against the rival Jets.

Wellbeing

Asics is giving away free gear around NYC…

Asics wants to see you on the court - and in the stands for the U.S. Open, which begins Monday - by giving away free…

Sex

Big weddings may lead to long-term happiness

Dreaming of a big wedding? A new study indicates that the longer your guest list, the happier you’ll be in the long run. l A…

Sex

Online dating for every generation

Frank Jackson and his mother Maggie are like lots of modern families: They have dinner together regularly, keep each other updated on their lives —…

Wellbeing

Going green could be the key to getting…

If we could just pursue the things that would actually make us happy, we could help the environment too, according to a New York researcher.…