The Five Stages of Lunch at Bone Daddy’s Burgers

We're going to need a bigger bun...
We’re going to need a bigger bun…

It seems that after two years roving the mean streets of Boston as food truck Go Fish!, mobile eats mastermind Brother Trucker has decided that burgers are where it’s at. Thus, their transformation into the brand new teeth-baring, bacon-ketchup-toting, burger truck that is Bone Daddy’s Burgers — currently on the loose, and possibly heading your way. That’s right, we said Bacon. Flavored. Ketchup.

Bone Daddy’s Burgers has issued a challenge to health-conscious, light-lunching diners city-wide — to which we scoffed “bring it on.” But herein lies the problem: the siren song of the Jack Dog , a fearsome 100% beef hot dog roughly the size of a child’s forearm. A very large child’s forearm. This monster comes wrapped in applewood-smoked bacon, deep-fried, slathered with cheddar cheese, and topped with a caramelized onion, roasted garlic, and jalapeno relish. You want it, bad. But are you man enough to take this dog down a mere few hours after breakfast? (You are, we assure you.) To psych you up, we’ve laid out the five stages you must successfully hurdle before your turn at the counter. Familiarize yourself accordingly.

1. Denial
Pshh, you don’t want the Jack Dog! You are a paragon of lunch purity, swearing by the power of dry romaine lettuce and the occasional crouton. Hot dogs are for kids anyway. You’re already here, though, and it really would be a shame… No. You’ll have the quinoa and black bean burger.

2. Anger
It appears the quinoa burger comes sans bacon. Where is the bacon wrapped quinoa? You decide that you hate quinoa and send it dirty looks from your place in the line. How does one even pronounce quinoa, you wonder?

3. Bargaining
You’ll run an extra mile at the gym later, and eat fruit or something, you tell yourself as you watch self-satisfied customers walk away, Jack Dogs clutched in their greasy hands. Maybe you’ll kind of awkwardly gallop to the T stop instead of walking? The lavender lemonade they’ve got on their beverage menu counts as a plant, obviously. The three people in front of you all just ordered Jack Dogs and are looking very pleased with themselves. Could you be like these people?

4. Depression
Your lack of lunchtime cojones is starting to bum you out. You can smell the sweet, caramel-y, crispy bacon from your spot in a line that is starting to feel interminable and the aroma floods you with nostalgia for the bygone days of your childhood, when you would have crushed this thing without hesitation. You’d never even heard of quinoa back then.

5. Acceptance
Screw it. You will absolutely go back to work smelling faintly of garlicky relish — and you might even get some of it on your shirt — but these are sacrifices you have already decided to make. You stride proudly up to that counter — from behind which heavy metal blasts, bolstering your confidence — and announce to all who give a damn that you shall indeed have one Jack Dog. With a side of bacon salt and truffle fries, because you have no fear! It arrives in all its messy, succulent glory, and you take woozy pride in the knowledge that you have joined the ranks of the Bone Daddy Burger warriors. Well done, Grasshopper.

Take on the beast! Visit brothertrucker.biz/bone-daddys-burger or follow @BrutherTrucker for daily locations.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Brooklyn man charged in roommate's stabbing death

A Brooklyn man accused of violently stabbing his roommate to death on Monday is in police custody and faces murder charges.

International

Dinosaurs could have survived asteroid strike

It turns out there is a good and a bad time for the planet to be hit by a meteor, and dinosaurs were just unlucky.…

National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

MLB

Angelo Cataldi: Ryan Howard deserves better from Phillies

Just last week, Ryan Howard endured the embarrassment of a benching that was inevitable, and yet still shocking.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.