Hate sex: how to have it

Just because you don't have love for somebody doesn't mean they can't share your bed. / Valueline
Just because you don’t have love for somebody doesn’t mean they can’t share your bed. / Valueline

You’ve been there. You want to have sex with someone, but it’s  surprising because they actually repulse you. Perhaps you’re lusting for your significant other’s most annoying friend or your horrible boss. Or maybe you’re having steamy fantasies about that annoying co-worker with the grating voice. Wouldn’t it be great if we could control our sexual attraction? We are 100 percent in command and responsible for our actions, but desire often slithers up, catching us unaware.

Hate-sex is sexual activity between two or more people who don’t like each other. The arousal involves someone you purportedly find revolting — it is about repression.

“Only five nights ago he had contemplated smashing her skull in with a cobblestone — but that was of no importance. He thought of her naked, youthful body, as he had seen it in his dream.”

That excerpt is from George Orwell’s book “1984,” written in the 1940s. Yep, the joys of hate-sex are timeless! But the rules for hate-sex aren’t exactly obvious. Take a look …

DO have at it. Sleep with them if you both determine that it’s the right path and doing so causes no harm to yourselves or others. It may be the worst sex of your life. Or the emotionally unbridled humping could release a flood of passion you have never before experienced. You owe it to yourselves to find out!

DON’T confuse sex and rape. If you genuinely hate someone and view sex as a means to harm or punish them without consent, that’s criminal. Really: Acting on that thought is likely illegal.

DO dig deeper into the unresolved conflict. What is it about the object of your desire that makes you hate them? Think about the qualities triggering your loathing and examine the emotions pegged to that hatred. For example, perhaps their vulgarity pisses you off because you secretly wish to live as explicitly as they do. Psychological repression is a slippery little sucker. Uncover what lies beneath it.

DO realize sexual behavior encompasses a wide swath of activity, including masturbation. If acting on your carnal impulses would be socially messy or inappropriate, just fantasize and jam out by yourself.

DO understand hate-sex is not the same as hating sex. The physical, emotional and psychological benefits of getting it on are valid. If you’re not having a good time with it, try something or someone else.

Twanna A. Hines is an award–winning educator and sex columnist. She’s online at FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and you can follow her on Twitter @funkybrownchick.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Brooklyn man charged in roommate's stabbing death

A Brooklyn man accused of violently stabbing his roommate to death on Monday is in police custody and faces murder charges.

International

Dinosaurs could have survived asteroid strike

It turns out there is a good and a bad time for the planet to be hit by a meteor, and dinosaurs were just unlucky.…

National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

MLB

Angelo Cataldi: Ryan Howard deserves better from Phillies

Just last week, Ryan Howard endured the embarrassment of a benching that was inevitable, and yet still shocking.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.