How to ask for help

It's OK to rely on others sometimes. Credit: Getty Images/Image Source
It’s OK to rely on others sometimes.
Credit: Getty Images/Image Source

During my lectures and workshops I often hear people complain that they’re not feeling supported by others. They might be upset with their work colleagues, families or friends, but whatever the circumstances, they’ve all slipped into victim mode by resenting others for their lack of support. Rather than commiserate with these folks, I immediately ask, “Are you asking for help?” The most common response I receive is, “No, I’m afraid to ask for help.”

You see, if we want to be supported by others, we need to get comfortable asking for support. There are many fear-based beliefs that hold us back from asking for help. Thoughts like, “If I ask for help I’ll be too vulnerable,” or, “I’m afraid to ask for help because I’m scared of being disappointed.” These fears can be paralyzing and they keep us stuck in the pattern of never asking for help and later resenting others for not helping. If we want to receive help from others we need to learn to ask for it.

It’s important to accept that it’s safe to ask for help. The first step is to just ask, even if you’re uncomfortable. The best way to create a new pattern is to step outside your comfort zone and do what you fear most. You can start today: Keep it simple by merely asking a stranger to hold the elevator or a coworker to bring you a coffee. Begin to exercise your asking muscles and create a new pattern.

Another tip that will greatly serve you here is to know that by asking for help you are helping others. Deep down, all people truly want to serve others. When you ask someone for help, you give them the gift of service. When they exercise service they are released from their own inner conflicts and they’re elevated by their own commitment to serve. Don’t deny others the opportunity to help you.

If you’re really ready to exercise your asking muscles, join me on Jan. 11 in NYC, where I’ll be answering questions live for an episode of a new series on the Oprah Winfrey Network. To get help from me and be featured on the show visit http://intentblog.com/participate-television-series-nyc-author-gabrielle-bernstein/.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Apple says its systems not to blame for…

By Edwin Chan and Christina FarrSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - The week before a crucial launch of its new iPhone, Apple Inc said intimate photos of…

Local

Tallest residential building planned for lower Manhattan

A residential tower planned for lower Manhattan will soar 1,356 feet in the air -- just 12 feet shy of 1 World Trade Center. When…

Local

Bronx man commits suicide by decapitation

A Bronx man committed suicide Monday morning in the Hunts Point area of the Bronx by decapitating himself. According to the NYPD, the 51-year-old man…

Local

Top cops enroll in Twitter course at John…

NYPD officers are reportedly getting a lesson on the best way to use 140 characters or less. The New York Post reported Tuesday top officers…

Arts

Pop culture and prostitutes: New Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit at…

Henri Toulouse-Lautrec documented the cult of celebrity and the rise of pop entertainment in his prints, posters and lithographs — now on display at MoMA.

Arts

PHOTO: Extreme artist Eskil Ronningsbakken balances unicycle on…

Extreme artist’ Eskil Ronningsbakken balances on the edge of a cliff face at 4,600 feet – on a unicycle. The Norwegian travels across the globe, balancing over vertiginous ravines, tall…

Music

Hear two previously unreleased Adele songs

Missing some Adele in your life? Two previously unreleased songs from the singer have appeared online.

Music

Lincoln Center just made 'Lord of the Rings'…

Middle Earth already has sweeping vistas, a hero's journey and technology-revolutionizing special effects. But next April, the Lincoln Center will add another dimension to Peter Jackson's…

NFL

10 storylines to watch for the Giants this…

The Giants rebounded from an embarrassing 0-6 start last season, but not well enough to make the playoffs.

NFL

Michael Vick set to be weekly guest with…

Mike Francesa may need to backtrack from his harsh commentary of Michael Vick now that the Jets backup quarterback will be a weekly guest on his show.

NFL

Jets expect to make playoffs after sitting on…

The same pundits who predicted the Jets would be woeful a season ago are now eying the playoffs for this revamped team.

NFL

Antonio Allen returns to practice after concussion

Antonio Allen was cleared to practice again following his concussion two weeks ago.

Parenting

In defense of making a mess during playtime

"Recipes for Play" authors Rachel Sumner and Ruth Mitchener think playtime should involve the five senses and making a mess is part of the fun.

Wellbeing

Jason Hope helps push anti-aging efforts forward

Reporter was commissioned to write this in-depth article When it comes to age-related illness, the direction of modern medicine seems more reactive than proactive. In…

Wellbeing

Today's Doomsday preppers: a closer look at survivalist…

Reporter was commissioned to write this in-depth article. The term “Doomsday prepper” is often associated with the paranoid, anti-government stereotype of the 1990s. The truth…

Education

These college students think breakfast is the most…

  It should be no surprise that the city that never sleeps is also home to the most students who like to order food in…