VIDEO: Burger King’s Hands Free Whopper Holder is a real thing. A real, really gross thing.

In things that are gross, unnecessary (grossly unnecessary) and indicative of all that is wrong with America news, we were horrified to learn of the new Hands Free Whopper Holder, recently rolled out by titans of childhood diabetes and fat rear ends worldwide, Burger King.

To celebrate their 50th anniversary in Puerto Rico (technically part of America, see above re: all that is wrong) the fast food chain handed out 50 of these contraptions evidently designed to make it even easier for diners to get face-fulls of beef, cheese, and cholesterol down their food chutes and into their heaving guts as quickly and effortlessly as possible. Because god forbid some dude had to actually lift a burger to his greasy mouth to get those extra 600 + calories in. If only BK could devise some way to chew it for us, too, we’d really be in business.

Just another nail in our collective dietary coffins, this gross promotion follows a recent string of disgusting fast food gimmicks that we all ate up like so much processed food stuff, KFC’s Double Down (fried chicken instead of bread in your chicken sandwich!) and BK’s Bacon Sundae (because neither ice cream nor bacon is enough of a treat on its own!) among the grossest.

The promotional video above shows hungry, hungry Whopper consumers using all that awesome hand-space cleared up by the Whopper Holder to get some tattooing, dog walking, guitar playing, massaging, and home manicuring done, all while their whopper bounces around their necks in its plastic carrying case like some sort of beef patty-flavored dental head gear. Pretty handy.

We’re more inclined to imagine a Whopper Holder user delivering his insulin shot with his free hands while he’s face first in his burger, but who knows? He might want to get a round of hoops or some boxing in after he waddles out the door.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

New statue of Penn State's Paterno set for…

By David DeKokHARRISBURG, Pennsylvania (Reuters) - Fundraising for a new statue depicting Joe Paterno "as the man he was and not Joe the football coach"…

Local

Future Boston Alliance invites you to #RidetheLine, support…

#RidetheLine aims to show the city, the nation, and the globe our creative impact as Boston citizens.

Local

(Update) Body of missing BU grad Eric Munsell…

The dead man pulled from the water at Boston's Long Wharf Wednesday afternoon was that of missing 24-year-old Boston University alumnus Eric Munsell, Boston Police said today.

National

On newly released tape, 'Squeaky' Fromme says was…

Manson Family member Squeaky Fromme told a mental health examiner in newly released interview the "X" she carved in her forehead was meant to separate her from "the system."

Movies

Tribeca: 'Goodbye to All That' star Paul Schneider…

Paul Schneider talks about his new film "Goodbye to All That," not acting too much and how he'd rather indulge in simple pleasures than play the scene.

The Word

Taylor Swift battles paparazzi daily at Tribeca penthouse

We're entranced by these photos of poor Taylor Swift leaving her Tribeca apartment.

Movies

Tribeca: Nikki Reed on going funny for a…

"Intramural" star Nikki Reed talks about being the straight person in a broad comedy, spending time in Austin and how "Thirteen" was a "miracle."

Arts

'Becoming Cuba' at Huntington is a bit short…

Playwright Melinda Lopez freely lampoons the English language for its lack of passion in her latest work, “Becoming Cuba.” Ironically, the Huntington Theatre Company’s playwright-in-residence…

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24…

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24 version

MLB

5 infamous pitcher ejections for cheating

Never fear Yankees fans, Michael Pineda is far from the first MLB pitcher to be thrown out of a game for cheating.

NFL

Patriot’s schedule comes up fair

Those looking for built-in excuses for the Patriots 2014-2015 season will have to look elsewhere, because their schedule came up fair. For the fourth straight…

MLB

Nava demoted, Victorino return imminent

  Red Sox outfielder Daniel Nava, who was batting a team-low .149/.240/.269, was demoted to Triple-A Pawtucket on Wednesday. "His struggles at the plate, I…

Parenting

New study: Inside the wage gap between boys…

According to a new study, there's a wage gap between boys and girls, with boys earning more allowance for less chores.

Tech

From Apple TV to Fire TV, big changes…

Apple is set to launch a new generation of it's Apple TV, which grossed over $1 billion in 2013. But competition from Amazon and Google looms.

Style

Katy Perry releases a new Claire’s collection

Katy Perry expands her empire by releasing an accessories collection at Claire's.

Style

MAC & Proenza Schouler collection unveiled

MAC Cosmetics is releasing a new collection with Proenza Schouler.

Comments

1

  1. so, I am a bit late with this story, but one of the sentences at the end of the article really bothers me. Stating that whomever uses this product has the stigma of delivering his insulin is a disgrace. I have type 1 diabetes; type 1 diabetics need insulin because their livers shut down, not because of what they ate, but because it just happens; incurable and irreversible. Not our fault since it’s like catching the common cold. Type 2 diabetics have insulin resistance; usually they are able to lose weight and take a pill in the morning to reverse it. I would like to see this sentence change or be deleted. It’s terrible that a news reporter wouldn’t do their research and make such a blanket statement to try and make a witty joke.