Yes, you want a relationship. And that’s OK

You don’t have to be so blase about wanting a committed relationship.

We’ve come to approach “relationships” like they’re four-letter words — we’re so quick to tell people we don’t want one. Complete independence seems to be our ultimate goal because, you know, who wants to be the loser that’s actually looking for a relationship? If it happens “organically” (whatever that means) it’s fine. But whether you’re a guy or girl, actually seeking one out is entirely uncool.

It’s funny we act this way, because this anti-relationship stance runs completely counter to our biology and everything we know about what makes us happy. Humans are deeply connected and interrelational beings. Darwin believed that our social nature is what allows us to thrive as a species. Study after study show that people are not only happier, but physically healthier and live longer if they’re in relationships. Your risk of everything from depression to cancer to getting the flu is decreased significantly when there is a significant other in your life. 

And yet, we find it so embarrassing, vulnerable and weak to admit that we want to have a relationship — when this is a totally normal and healthy thing to want. Having an “incapacity for love” and “impersonal sex life” are literally two of the 16 characteristics used to diagnose a psychopath. How did we get to this point of convincing ourselves that approaching romantic relationships like we’re mentally ill was the “rational” thing to do? It’s not. It undermines our happiness, and it completely denies the very essence of what separates us from lower animals — our ability to form deep romantic connections.

Your life isn’t a rom-com, and being a commitment-phobe doesn’t earn you bonus points anywhere. Sure, you can convince yourself that the excitement of casual sex and the ease of no strings attached relationships is enough to override your true biological urges. But in the end, the person you’re screwing by doing this is yourself. We’re all looking for relationships (or at least we should be). And maybe that feels like an uncool and pathetic thing to admit. But hey, at least we’re all uncool and pathetic together.

— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of ‘Are All Guys Assholes?’ for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer to this question is no. You can follow her on Twitter @ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Memorial held for Sean Collier, MIT police officer…

More than 1,600 people gathered at MIT on Friday for a memorial service for Sean Collier, the police officer shot to death a year ago in the aftermath of the…

National

Florida man charged with murdering son to play…

A Florida man annoyed that his 16-month-old crying son was preventing him from playing video games suffocated the toddler, police said on Friday.

International

Powerful 7.2 magnitude earthquake rattles Mexico

A powerful earthquake struck Mexico Friday, shaking buildings and sending people running into the street, although there were no reports of major damage.

News

OMG! Exercise can make skin (and butt) look…

A moderate exercise regime can turn back time and actually reverse the skin's aging process, according to new research. The study showed that a minimum…

Entertainment

Whoopi Goldberg makes her debut as marijuana columnist

"It helps my head stop hurting, and with glaucoma your eyes ache, and she takes the ache out. It's wonderful," she said.

The Word

Kate Middleton made fun of Prince William's bald…

Kate Middleton and Prince William are in Sydney, Australia, right now, and it sounds like that brash Aussie sense of humor might be rubbing off.

The Word

Is Tom Cruise dating Laura Prepon?

"Mission: Impossible" star Cruise is said to be dating Laura Prepon, star of "Orange is the New Black."

Television

'Scandal' recap: Season 3, Episode 18, 'The Price…

Sally is Jesus, Olivia caused global warming, and Mellie's still drunk. Let's recap the Scandal finale. A church full of Washington insiders is about to…

MLB

MLB video highlights: Orioles top Red Sox, 8-4…

John Lackey roughed up for second straight outing

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox score two in…

Lester shines in Red Sox win over White Sox

Sports

2014 Boston Marathon preview: Elite American, International runners…

2014 Boston Marathon: Elite American, International runners to watch

NBA

2014 NBA Finals odds: Ranking which playoff teams…

2014 NBA Finals odds: Ranking which playoff teams have the best shot at a championship. The Thunder, Clippers, Heat and Rockets lead the way.

Tech

VIDEO: 'Vein-scanning' may become the future of paying

Designed to make transactions quicker and easier, the technology works by scanning the unique vein patterns in each person's palm.

Tech

#FollowFriday: 10 of the smartest Twitter accounts

Spending lots of time on Twitter? You might as well learn something. Here are some of the smartest accounts to follow.

Style

Light-up nail art syncs with phone

This Japanese technology syncs light-up nail art with your phone.

Wellbeing

Why is dance cardio taking off in NYC?

Instructors at some of the city's hottest classes explain why.