The Hookup: Yeah, you owe them a call
It’s not a great mystery what it means when you suddenly stop hearing from someone you went on a few dates with. And though this is an acceptable way to end things, is it really the best idea?
I get the rational opinion: Do you really have to break up with someone you’ve barely started dating? Is it worth the awkwardness? Does he or she even want to hear you uttering out some canned “it’s not you, it’s me” speech? And perhaps most honestly, would ending it officially (with words) leave you nowhere to turn if the pickings got even slimmer?
Instead of just slinking out of could-be relationships, I think we owe it to each other to suffer through the process of giving an actual rejection — it holds us more accountable for our actions. If someone has spent time getting to know you, you owe them a goodbye. If that goodbye is harder because you led them on a bit or saw something through to five dates that never should have made it to two, then you should have to deal with it.
While dealing with it, why not deal honestly? None of this “I’m busy,” “not ready,” “it’s me” crap that everyone knows is bull anyway. Do the person the favor of saying (nicely) exactly what it is about them won’t work for you. What if this person is making the same mistakes over and over and your feedback helps him or her land a better-suited someone next time around?
Why be honest?
We should break up with each other openly and honestly, if for no other reason than it’s good practice. When you do finally meet the right person, you’re going to have to talk with them about uncomfortable issues, explain your feelings and sometimes say things that might be upsetting. Since many of us shy away from confrontation, this is a great opportunity to face that fear. And in the worst case scenario, if the person you’re ending it with fires back with, “Why are you telling me all this?” then you can say “It’s not you, it’s me.”
— Amber Madison is a Manhattan-based relationship expert and dating coach. She is the author of ‘Are All Guys Assholes?’ for which she traveled the country, spoke to over 1,000 men and discovered that the answer to this question is no. You can follow her on Twitter @ambermadi or online at www.ambermadisononline.com
