John Bolaris: What to do when you’re dating a ‘man child’

john bolaris

In this column, I will be giving some relationship advice. “Hmm,” you must be asking, “is this guy some kind of a psychologist? A couples counselor? Doctor of Love?” No, not really, but for those who have followed my history, let’s just say I have dated quite a bit.

Yes, I was married. It didn’t work. I fell in and out of love more times than I wish to count and had my share of really meaningless relationships. I was always looking for that someone so special. You know, “This is the one, I just know it” and then three weeks later you’re downing a few cocktails with buddies and thinking, “What was I thinking?”

It’s so tough to find that someone that fits in with your complexities — the perfect soul mate. But as of today I believe I found that someone and, yes, I’m in love and engaged to be married. So with years of experience I’m here to listen to you and give you some honest advice from just an average dude.

One woman writes she is “tired of dating a man child.” She is 30 years old and so is he. They’ve been together for five years and live together and are both stable financially and in their careers.

She states they have never really discussed their future together as far as marriage and kids. He insists on going out one night a week with the boys and comes home drunk or not at all. She doesn’t think he is cheating on her, but she worries his friends may pressure him into doing things.

She’s not sure if he will ever grow up and settle down with her or anybody. He has never talked about his partying or future. She doesn’t want to give him an ultimatum or push him into something he doesn’t want to do, but she doesn’t want to be stuck with someone who will never become an adult.

Number one, you definitely need to have a big “We need to talk.” Going out with your buddies once a week is fine, but its totally unacceptable not to come home at all. This isn’t on his friends, it’s on him.

And by you saying, “I don’t think he is cheating on me,” it really means “I think he is cheating on me,” but you don’t want to think that. You’re turning a blind eye and you’re going to get terribly hurt by this.

And asking him about your future together is not an ultimatum, but a genuine concern. By the looks of this, you have every reason to have your doubts. You need to confront this now. You sound like a loyal and loving woman who just wants her man to be the same.

Finally, it seems like your man child might not be ready to truly commit at this time. Don’t be so available — let him think he might actually lose you, because I believe he actually will. It’s on both of you to save this. Stay strong!

Got a question for John Bolaris? Send it to letters@metro.us.


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Hillary Clinton headed to Boston for women's leadership…

Former U.S. Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is set to visit Massachusetts Wednesday amid continuing speculation about making another bid for the presidency in 2016.

Local

The Boston Marathon: Step by step, the race…

For over a century, the Boston Marathon has been an event centered around sportsmanship, endurance and athleticism, but there’s no denying the face of the renowned race has been changed…

Local

Boston Marathon: Marathoners ready to run, honor victims

Scores of runners will cross the Boston Marathon starting line in Hopkinton Monday and embark on a 26.2-mile journey to Boston in honor of the victims.

Local

MIT student, Rhodes scholar, dies

Eliana Hechter, a student at MIT and Harvard, died, her family said. The announcement was posted on MIT's website.

Television

Discovery cancels 'Everest Jump Live' special in wake…

The Discovery Channel has indicated it will not be moving forward with "Everest Jump Live," a planned special about mountain climber Joby Ogwyn's effort to…

The Word

'X-Men' director Bryan Singer drama continues

  News broke late last week that "X-Men" and "The Usual Suspects" director Bryan Singer is being sued by a man who said Singer molested…

The Word

Miley Cyrus cancels more dates, tweeting from hospital

Miley Cyrus is reportedly so sick that she's had to postpone more tour dates. We know this because she has been sitting in a hospital…

Music

Loop are, er, um, back in the loop

Experimental noise rock band Loop's three mid-1980s to early-1990s albums, “Heavens End,” “Fade Out” and “A Gilded Eternity,” were mercifully reissued.

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox defeat Orioles, 4-2

Brock Holt the difference in the Red Sox' win

NHL

NHL video highlights & analysis: Red Wings dump…

NHL video highlights & analysis: Red Wings dump Bruins in Game 1

MLB

MLB video highlights: Orioles top Red Sox, 8-4…

John Lackey roughed up for second straight outing

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox score two in…

Lester shines in Red Sox win over White Sox

Travel

Packing: The one thing you need in your…

A new survey that looks at the travel habits of 50,000 people around the world has revealed that Western and Asian globetrotters have different priorities…

Home

Is your chair making it hard to talk?

Ever wished there was an office chair that could make impromptu meetings and discussions more private? The Cristiana Wing Chair is an asymmetrical armchair which…

Travel

Live large at these luxury hotels

From Thai boxing lessons and macabre Dracula tours to the Australian Outback, the Four Seasons hotel chain launched a series of new travel packages this…

Parenting

4 things that every summer camp should have

Alan Saltz, director of the 92nd street Y program lists things that every summer camp should have.

Comments

2

  1. Pingback: John Bolaris Now a Dating Columnist for Metro | The Philly Post

  2. I think you give her great advice. Nice work!

    For the poster, read: “Maybe He’s Just NOT That Into You” — you’ll see that if he really was interested, he’d be all over you and you’d have no question.