Drinking games to keep Shark Week interesting

Hold onto your life preservers.
Hold onto your life preservers.

With the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week 2013 upon us, Metro decided to take a look at the different versions of Shark Week drinking games available out there.

According to SharkWeekDrinkingGame.com, the “official” game rules are as follows:

1. Drink any time some is referred to as a “shark expert.”

2. Begin drinking when any shark becomes airborne and don’t stop until it is all the way back in the water.

3. Drink any time someone speaks with an Australian accent.

4. Drink when someone gives advice on how to survive a shark attack.

5. Drink any time you hear the “Jaws” theme music.

6. Drink during the reenactment of an attack.

7. When someone dies, finish your drink in their honor.

8. Drink when anyone gets submerged in a steel cage.

9. Drink when a shark is caught or trapped.

The modified version, according to BroBible.com, actually has 20 rules:

1. Drink every time you hear an Australian, South African or British accent.

2. Drink every time you see a diver in a cage.

3. When a great white is “jumping” out of the cage, drink from when the shark exits the water till the re-entry.

4. Drink every time a person mentions chum, a shark attack statistic or a shark fact. (Note: this can only happen once every person.)

5. Drink every time the camera shows a surfboard or person underwater in the same frame as a shark. Also drink if they show you a chewed-up surfboard.

6. Every time a new person is interviewed, drink.

7. Every time a person is declared a “shark expert,” drink.

8. Finish your drink at the end of the episode. Should you not finish between the end of the episode and the start of the new show, chug an extra beer.

9. If they mention the state you live or have a house in, drink. (If they talk about Massachusetts, Chatham or Jessup don’t be a b*tch and drink.)

10. Drink every time the show references a new type of shark. If the shark does not attack humans (nurse shark) drink three times.

11. If a shark attacks an animal, drink until the animal dies or escapes. If the animal is a seal, finish your drink.

12. Drink every time someone mentions punching a shark in the nose or eye to stop an attack.

13. Drink every time a Facebook friend posts a #sharkweek status on Facebook or Twitter.

14. Drink every time someone mentions “Jaws” or if the “Jaws” theme music plays, then say, “We are going to need a bigger boat.”

15. Drink every time Andy Samberg is on TV.

16.  When a shark attack victim talks about the attack, drink for 1 second per five stitches the victim received. If the victim is a girl or a young child, double the time.

17. Drink half of your beer for every limb the shark victim lost. If it happened to be their genitalia, the least you could do is drink the whole beer.

18. Drink every time you see a subdued shark being poked, prodded or given a tracking device on a boat.

19. Every time you mutter L.L. Cool J’s lyrics, “Deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark’s fin” under your breath — or aloud. Drink. (And good f–ing luck getting that out of your head.)

20. Drink because it’s f–ing shark week.

Nowthatscollege.com has a version that involves waterfalls:

1. Waterfall drink anytime a shark goes airborne.

2. Any time someone is submerged in a cage: two drinks.

3. Every time a shark kills an animal: one drink.

4. Take one drink for every five stitches that a shark victim needed.

5. Any time someone is referred to as a shark expert: three drinks.

6. Finish your drink for every broken surfboard that you see.

7. Finish your drink if they mention a beach that you have been to.

8. Take one drink every time you hear you hear the words Shark Week.

And finally, drinknation.com offers their version:

1. Drink every time — and for the full duration of time — someone’s credentials are cited. If there’s one thing wildlife experts love more than speaking in foreign accents, it’s listing their qualifications. Use this to your advantage and take a sip every time a show displays on screen, or announces, the reason you should take the speaker seriously, at least about the subject at hand.

Note: This extends to everyone. Including John Doe, who lost his leg in ‘99 challenging a Great White to a game of water polo, as well as the professor who wrote the book “The Dangers of Playing Water Polo With Sharks.”

2. Drink every time someone says, “This species of shark is normally very peaceful.”

3. Drink every time a different species of shark appears onscreen. Even though the Discovery Channel will use that completely awesome clip of the Great White defying gravity by jumping 10 feet into the air, there are many, many different types of sharks. Take a sip every time one of these awesome creatures blesses you with its presence.

4. Drink every time you think to yourself, “I hope this yuppie just gets mauled.”

5. Drink every time shark attack odds are given. Though the odds of actually being attacked by a shark are low, the chance that the narrator or interviewee will tell you this fact every chance they get is extremely high.

Note: If you are brave, you can add to this by drinking every time a shark statistic is given. However, it is ill advised to do during programming dubbed “Shark Week.”

6. Drink every time some yuppie gets mauled.

7. Drink every time a shark eats and/or attacks something — humans included. Let’s be honest, other than this drinking game, the reason to watch Shark Week is to see one wreak havoc on unsuspecting aquatic life or pesky swimmers. Indulge yourself in a drink each time this happens. This includes mauling of inanimate objects as well, such as boats, cages or fake seals.

8. Drink every time the host says something completely unfunny and you think to yourself, “I hope this yuppie just gets mauled.”

9. Drink every time a shark’s dorsal fin protrudes from the water. Sharks are sneaky creatures, hovering just below the surface of the water to stalk victims. It’s like they know the image of that tip of the fin is scary on its own.

10. Drink for the duration of each slow-motion clip. The marriage of slow-motion photography and sharks is the most important thing to happen to television since MacGyver. Whether it be slow-mo reenactments of attacks or the classic Great White hurling itself through the air, raise your glass in a continuous toast to the highlight reels of “Shark Week.”

11. Drink every time you see a shark.

So grab your favorite beverage, pick the version that best suits you, and settle in for some good ol’ “Shark Week” sloppiness.


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