Priveco helps federal workers relieve stress with free dildos

Steps used by members of Congress to enter the U.S. House of Representatives are empty at the U.S. Capitol in Washington October 7. Credit: Reuters
Steps used by members of Congress and their staffs to enter the U.S. House of Representatives stand empty in Washington, D.C. on Oct 7.
Credit: Reuters

The Obamacare feud has paralyzed the world’s most powerful nation, and millions are suffering. What better time to indulge yourself, says Tom Nardone, boss of Priveco – the world’s most private company – who has been supplying federal employees with free dildos.

Metro: How did you come up with this idea?

Nardone: We were talking on a Friday afternoon and the shutdown was in the news. Everyone’s mad with the congressmen who can’t move and we thought to send them erection pills – but then we thought people are suffering and can’t go anywhere because they don’t know when the shutdown will end, so this is perfect.

What sort of reactions are you getting?

We’re just giving them away through our website and trusting that people are government employees – otherwise karma will get them. We got through 200 in four hours yesterday so word is spreading.

Are you hoping the government stays shut so you can surf this wave?

I’m not smart enough to understand the implications so I’m as nervous as everybody else. Also it’s a bit of a strain distributing 200 vibrators a day. But we have plenty in stock – we can stay in vibrators longer than the government can stay shut down.

Who else deserves a vibrator?

We have been talking about victims of natural disasters but I guess it depends how bad it is. Any time someone is inconvenienced, we are ready to step in.


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