Playing the Field: The Sports Oscars edition

Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
We dare you to look at those legs and tell me Beyonce isn’t an athlete!

Well, the Oscars are here (well, they’ll be here Sunday) and why can’t sports join in on the fun? And if you’re thinking, ‘What about the ESPY Awards?’, then click a banner ad and move along because they don’t count.

So, to borrow an old Bud Selig phrase, this time it counts. With that, we bring you Playing the Field’s version, better known as the Oscar Pistorius Awards.

Best male athlete in a leading role » LeBron James. As much as we’ve hated on the King in this space in the past — and all apologies to Kobe — he’s the best. He’s flat-out unstoppable right now, and he’s living proof that you can have your cake and eat it, too.

Best female athlete in a leading role » Beyonce. Before you even try and say that Bey isn’t an athlete, take a look at her abs in that GQ photo shoot. If that doesn’t sell you, remember that time she turned out the lights at the Super Bowl? Yes, that happened.

Best supporting male athlete » Oscar Pistorius’ prosthetic legs. The Blade Runner scooped up six Paralympic golds (and didn’t embarrass himself in the real Games). Oh right … he also strapped on those bad boys before shooting and killing his girlfriend. Legs!

Best supporting female athlete » Gabby Douglas’ hair. Douglas, the 17-year-old gymnast nicknamed the Flying Squirrel, turned in one of the most impressive performances in Olympic history. Then several detractors took to Twitter to call out her unkempt hair. Umm, looked fine to us. Then again, our grooming habits our very suspect.

Best producer » John Calipari. Kentucky coach earned his first national championship last April — and while his squad is struggling this year — Cal continues to churn out NBA hits (Nerlens Noel, he’ll be fine once Dr. James Andrews gets done with him, is his latest project).

Best costume design » Andrew Bynum. We’re not even factoring in his ridiculous, ever-changing hairstyles. No, no. Bynum gets this award for pretending to be an actual NBA superstar. Sorry, Sixers fans.

Best music » The real academy prefers original scores. We don’t. We’re giving this one to the Miami Dolphins cheerleading squad for its awesome rendition of that annoyingly addictive Carly Rae Jepsen song.

 


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