Playing the Field: The Sports Oscars edition

Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show
We dare you to look at those legs and tell me Beyonce isn’t an athlete!

Well, the Oscars are here (well, they’ll be here Sunday) and why can’t sports join in on the fun? And if you’re thinking, ‘What about the ESPY Awards?’, then click a banner ad and move along because they don’t count.

So, to borrow an old Bud Selig phrase, this time it counts. With that, we bring you Playing the Field’s version, better known as the Oscar Pistorius Awards.

Best male athlete in a leading role » LeBron James. As much as we’ve hated on the King in this space in the past — and all apologies to Kobe — he’s the best. He’s flat-out unstoppable right now, and he’s living proof that you can have your cake and eat it, too.

Best female athlete in a leading role » Beyonce. Before you even try and say that Bey isn’t an athlete, take a look at her abs in that GQ photo shoot. If that doesn’t sell you, remember that time she turned out the lights at the Super Bowl? Yes, that happened.

Best supporting male athlete » Oscar Pistorius’ prosthetic legs. The Blade Runner scooped up six Paralympic golds (and didn’t embarrass himself in the real Games). Oh right … he also strapped on those bad boys before shooting and killing his girlfriend. Legs!

Best supporting female athlete » Gabby Douglas’ hair. Douglas, the 17-year-old gymnast nicknamed the Flying Squirrel, turned in one of the most impressive performances in Olympic history. Then several detractors took to Twitter to call out her unkempt hair. Umm, looked fine to us. Then again, our grooming habits our very suspect.

Best producer » John Calipari. Kentucky coach earned his first national championship last April — and while his squad is struggling this year — Cal continues to churn out NBA hits (Nerlens Noel, he’ll be fine once Dr. James Andrews gets done with him, is his latest project).

Best costume design » Andrew Bynum. We’re not even factoring in his ridiculous, ever-changing hairstyles. No, no. Bynum gets this award for pretending to be an actual NBA superstar. Sorry, Sixers fans.

Best music » The real academy prefers original scores. We don’t. We’re giving this one to the Miami Dolphins cheerleading squad for its awesome rendition of that annoyingly addictive Carly Rae Jepsen song.

 


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Rapper affiliate of Wu-Tang Clan 'cuts off own…

Rapper Andre Johnson, who has performed with New York outfit the Wu-Tang Clan, is in a critical condition after reportedly cutting off his own penis…

National

Cleavage complaint: Disneyland staffer orders curvy mom to…

A curvy mom-of-three says she filed a formal complaint after staff at Disneyland Resort in California ordered her to cover up her boobs. Melissa Behnken,…

International

Canadian charged in 'Heartbleed' attack on tax agency

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian police have arrested a 19-year-old man and charged him in connection with exploiting the "Heartbleed" bug to steal taxpayer data from…

National

Every dog has his day in court, in…

(Reuters) - Call him juror K-9.A computer glitch is likely to blame for a summons that called a German Shepherd to report for jury duty,…

Television

‘Survivor: Cagayan’ recap: Episode 8

Sure, it's called Survivor. But this season should really be called 'The Tony Show.'

Television

Jim Rash talks 'The Writer's Room' and amazing…

For Jim Rash, as the fifth season of "Community" comes to a close, the second season of "The Writer's Room" begins.

Television

'Dexter' star Jennifer Carpenter moves into producing role

The actress who played the title character's sister in "Dexter" is teaming up with producer George Stelzner to adapt Erika Hayasaki's book "The Death Class:…

The Word

Wahlburgers announce North America domination

Tuesday was a huge day for Donnie Wahlberg.

MLB

MLB video highlights: Red Sox beat White Sox…

Red Sox walk 15 times in extra innings win

NBA

Kris Humphries on free agency, future with Celtics:…

Kris Humphries on free agency, future with Celtics: 'I hope to be back'

NBA

Celtics turn attention to NBA Draft, improve lottery…

Celtics turn attention to NBA Draft, improve lottery odds with loss

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April version

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April version

Wellbeing

This Week in Health: chocolate may prevent obesity…

Can chocolate prevent obesity and diabetes? Location of study: U.S. Study subjects: Mice Results: The positive health benefits of chocolate have been studied increasingly more…

Wellbeing

This Week in Health News: breastfed infants trying…

Are breastfed infants trying to prevent mom from having another baby? Theory: The act of breastfeeding not only brings mom and baby closer together –…

Wellbeing

Unexplained infertility may be caused by lack of…

Researchers have identified a protein on the egg's surface that interacts with another protein on the surface of sperm, allowing the two cells to join.

Tech

5 surprising facts about Google Glass

Your sex life could get more interesting.