Playing the Field: ESPY Awards recap

Apparently the ESPY Awards aired Wednesday night on ESPN. Apparently, there were a lot of athletes and celebrities there. Apparently, we didn’t care enough to watch any of it.

The ESPY Awards are a colossal waste of time and money — the latter has been proven through research, thanks Deadspin.

But, since this space is devoted to sports gossip, we felt compelled to comment on the event in some capacity. So here’s what we unearthed after scouring the Twitter-sphere the day after the ESPY Awards.

» Reggie Bush brought Kim Kardashian to the show — wait, no that’s the Kim Kardashian clone he’s been dating. WWNMS (What Would Nicki Minaj Say?) … Million dollar what?
» Cowboys cornerback Orlando Scandrick was seen holding hands with Draya Michele, the diva/stripper/neglectful mother who stars on “Basketball Wives: L.A.”
» Michael Phelps is officially seeing the blonde bombshell we spotted him with at last month’s U.S. Open in Merion. Her name is Win McMurry and she works for Golf Channel.
» We won’t pretend to be a fashionista by any stretch … but Colin Kaepernick gets our GQ award. The Niners QB rocked a pink suit and kept his sunglasses on indoors. Pimp.
» Miss Alabama USA Katherine Webb flew solo to the ESPY Awards. That’s right, her boyfriend, Alabama QB AJ McCarron was a no-show, or maybe he was hiding in Webb’s purse.
» LeBron James scooped up the hardware for Best Male Athlete, Best Championship Performance, Best NBA Player. We’re done hating on The King. He’s earned his spoils. James also showed off soon-to-be wife Savannah Brinson.
» Host Jon Hamm — we’ll pause as the women reading this catch their breath — threw shade at Rocket Man Dwight Howard. “We thought it would be nice to honor Dwight Howard with his greatest moments with the Lakers,” Hamm said, then no film clips appeared on the screen behind him.


» Two words: Marisa Miller.
» Jack Hoffman, the 7-year-old kid who gained fame for a 69-yard TD run at Nebraska’s spring game received the Best Moment Award. His YouTube video got 2 million hits. Oh, and he has brain cancer. Not a dry eye in the house.
» Serena Williams won Best Female Athlete. Unfortunately, she wasn’t there to accept the award. Someone should be fired for this oversight. Remember 2011? We do and you should, too.

 

Serena Williams, circa 2011. She missed this year's ESPY Awards.
Serena Williams, circa 2011. She missed this year’s ESPY Awards.

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