Forget Amanda Bynes — can someone out there please stage an intervention for former “Teen Mom” star Farrah Abraham? Because the poor girl is caught in a shame spiral of EF5 proportions, and if nobody steps in we’re afraid of what might happen next. InTouch reports that, in the latest in a long and sticky string of bad life decisions, Abraham has undergone her second boob job. Her second boob job and fourth plastic surgery in less than three years. She is 22-years-old, FYI. In other news that makes us cringe/want to adopt both her and her daughter (who is most certainly going to need extensive adult therapy one day), Abraham was just on Howard Stern’s Sirius show sharing that she loved to masturbate to her own sex tape/porno “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.” A sex tape/porno that co-star James Deen is purportedly not even happy to have appeared in. When even a dude who rails ladies on tape for a living is displeased to have railed you on tape, you’ve really take a wrong turn somewhere in life. Luckily, TMZ reported today that, according to a text convo the two had, Charlie “Tiger Blood” Sheen is totes willing to go on a date with her. Oh, we bet.

The post [The Word] Will someone please make Farrah Abraham stop it already? appeared first on Metro.us.

When a press release with the headline “The time is ripe” announcing that the season premiere of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” would be a “watch n’ sniff” episode appeared in our inbox, we threw up in our mouths a little bit. This is a real thing, by the way — couldn’t make something like this up if we wanted to. According to this press release, viewers of the TLC reality show about the morbidly obese Boo Boo gang can watch the July 17 premiere while scratching and sniffing some sort of scented card that will be distributed in issues of People magazine on July 15. What could Eau de Boo Boo possibly smell like? Sweat, bacon and shame, with shades of Funions? Also, what kind of people would be into this sort of thing? The thought of even watching that show is unpleasant enough, without adding some sort of hillbilly aromatherapy to the experience. That said, we’re one hundred percent going to grab a copy of People next month to give this thing a hearty sniff and report back. Stay tuned.

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Ball-o-plasty

Are we the only ones who find this whole Ball Ironing thing simultaneously disgusting and fascinating? For some reason, people are just now all amped up about that time, five years ago, when George Clooney joked to “Esquire” that he had the wrinkles in his old balls ironed out (the male equivalent of a labiaplasty — which is another disgusting and fascinating thing, by the way). Now “Salon” has reported that this is an actual Thing called “tackle-tightening” and that dudes are totally into it. Are they? Are grown men into paying money to have some doctor surgically freshen up their testes? Because we’re pretty sure most men we know don’t give a damn what their balls look like, as long as they get to slap them up against someone else’s naughty parts from time to time. Jonah Hill, however, did just tell TMZ that he is into it, so who knows?

These wrinkly old balls are filing for divorce.

Speaking of saggy old testicles, NY Mag reports that media titan and super rich old dude, 82-year-old Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce from his 38-year-old wife Wendi Deng. This brings us to two points. One: Murdoch is a total pimp. How much of a baller do you have to be when you’re geriatric a—s feels ok about kicking your hot under-40 wife to the curb? And two: how bad is it for 30-something women out there that it’s becoming difficult to hang on to your octogenarian man?

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Just one day before he was arrested for drug charges, TMZ reports, 2 Chainz posted a video to Vine of he and his crew partying. A party that included, if the bottle of cough syrup featured prominently in the shots was any indication, some serious sippin’ on some sizzurp. (Warning: this Vine is so choppily shot it might make you feel like you indulged as well.) We didn’t even know that sizzurp aka “purple drank” aka a mixture of cough syrup, Sprite, and candy was still de rigueur in the rap community. Either that or he and his friends were Robo-Tripping around like a pack of backwoods teenagers who ran out of beer. Or, you know, someone legitimately had a cold, but somehow we think not. Also shown in the Vine: 2 Chainz smoking one of those funny cigarettes. The real lesson here, kids, is not that drugs are bad. We’re not your mom, or your friendly local DEA officer. The lesson here is that when sharing your drug-doings via social media, SnapChat is the way to go.

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You guys remember Steve Jobs right? That guy who dropped out of college and then went on to helm Apple (computer, heard of them?) and essentially change technology as we know it? Yeah, that guy. Well, according to the sort of bat sh*t crazy, self aggrandizing — and quintessential Kanye — New York Times interview that is currently blowing up the Internet, Kanye West is sort of like that guy. Except, you know, more important. You can all just thank Yeezus that dudes like Steve Jobs were around to pave the way for even radder and better guys like Kanye West. Also in that interview: Kanye just DGAF about album sales or winning awards or what any of ya’ll think about him. Yes, yes, noted. But what was it that true OG Shakespeare once said? Something about the lady doth protesting too much?

The post Kanye West’s NYT interview is very Kanye West appeared first on Metro.us.

One top way to show the world how grown-up and manly you are? Posting photos of lady underwear (tee hee!) on the Internet. Justin Bieber — who, if you haven’t heard, is most definitely not a kid anymore and is, in fact, a very adult man — posted a picture of a bra to his Instagram, along with the caption “I guess everyone grows up.” We’re not sure if this means that he’s grown up because some girl apparently threw this bra at him or because his mom just took him shopping for his first Maidenform and he’s really proud of it and brought it to the show, but there’s no disputing the fact that Justin Bieber is an ADULT, ok world?

The post The Word: Justin Bieber is all growed up, or hadn’t you heard? appeared first on Metro.us.

If, on the other hand, we were in the business of grading women on their parenting skills, we’d probably stamp Nadya Suleman a/k/a Octomom’s report card with a big red F for ‘oh, for F—ck’s sake.’ A long-time top contender for the award for ‘Sleaziest Way to Get Famous,’ Octomom is making headlines again: this time around for committing welfare fraud. According to a report from TMZ, the mother of (now) 14 has been raking in thousands of subsidized dollars from the government — despite the fact that she earns upward of 200 grand all on her own merit. “Merit” here is a euphemism for making sex tapes, stripping, and other self-exploitative ventures, by the way. File this one under: just another sign of what is very, very wrong with our country/culture.

The post The Word: Celeb parenting: Star mag grades celeb moms and Octomom commits welfare fraud appeared first on Metro.us.

If you spotted Jesus Effing Christ strolling down Madison Ave in a hoodie, just minding his own business, rolling with his boys the Apostles, would you try to talk to him? Yeah, didn’t think so. Which is why we cannot believe the audacity of this cameraman (in this video via TMZ) who dared try to say what’s up to Kanye ‘Yeezus’ West when he spotted the god among rappers on the street in New York. Yeezy, rolling incognito in a hoodie, shouted “Shut up! Don’t ever talk!” when the pap tried to wish the totally big deal rapper a happy belated birthday. The man may never speak again. So sayeth Yeezus, “and on the seventh day, let there be silence. And also, buy my new album.”

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Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran’s video for their new collabo “Everything Has Changed” is adorable, it’s — like everything else Taylor Swift puts into the airwaves — an instant earworm (can’t hate on T. Swift’s music no matter how much we’d like to), and it will doubtless spawn a thousand internet rumors that Sheeran is Swift’s new source of future break-up-sploitation song fodder… ahem, boyfriend.

The video features mini Sheeran and Swift look-a-likes falling in puppy love to the soundtrack of the duo’s sweet, lilting voices. A marriage (of sound, ya’ll, calm down) between America’s pop sweetheart and the London export darling of the moment seems only right and, while “Everything Has Changed” doesn’t have the Summer Jam 2K13 potential of last summer’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” we’re still grooving to it.

We just hope, for Sheeran’s sake, these two poppets keep it professional. Learn from John Mayer’s many mistakes Ed, LEARN FROM THEM.

The post VIDEO: Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran’s video for “Everything Has Changed” is pretty adorbz appeared first on Metro.us.

To celebrate their 50th anniversary in Puerto Rico (technically part of America, see above re: all that is wrong) the fast food chain handed out 50 of these contraptions evidently designed to make it even easier for diners to get face-fulls of beef, cheese, and cholesterol down their food chutes and into their heaving guts as quickly and effortlessly as possible. Because god forbid some dude had to actually lift a burger to his greasy mouth to get those extra 600 + calories in. If only BK could devise some way to chew it for us, too, we’d really be in business.

Just another nail in our collective dietary coffins, this gross promotion follows a recent string of disgusting fast food gimmicks that we all ate up like so much processed food stuff, KFC’s Double Down (fried chicken instead of bread in your chicken sandwich!) and BK’s Bacon Sundae (because neither ice cream nor bacon is enough of a treat on its own!) among the grossest.

The promotional video above shows hungry, hungry Whopper consumers using all that awesome hand-space cleared up by the Whopper Holder to get some tattooing, dog walking, guitar playing, massaging, and home manicuring done, all while their whopper bounces around their necks in its plastic carrying case like some sort of beef patty-flavored dental head gear. Pretty handy.

We’re more inclined to imagine a Whopper Holder user delivering his insulin shot with his free hands while he’s face first in his burger, but who knows? He might want to get a round of hoops or some boxing in after he waddles out the door.

The post VIDEO: Burger King’s Hands Free Whopper Holder is a real thing. A real, really gross thing. appeared first on Metro.us.

Kanye’s good buddy Drake is apparently going to be in the new “Anchorman” movie, alongside Lord Yeezy. Drake was photographed on the NYC set of “Anchorman: The Legend Continues” rocking an afro and a pair of mean mutton-chops. Those who doubt that the hip-hop powerhouse can also act would do well to check out early episode of Canadian teen drama “Degrassi: The Next Generation” in which Drake — then Aubrey Graham — played a basketball stud who ends up in a wheelchair. It’s some compelling work. HAHAHA. No. That’s not true, he’s not very good at acting. Pretty good rapper, though.

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It is possible that James Franco has out-Franco-ed himself. Adding “street artist” to his absurdly lengthy resume (ever heard of a vacation, bro? Just reading about all the things you do makes me sleepy), Franco has now painted a mural on a Brooklyn building. Gakwer acquired some photos of Franco tagging a Williamsburg wall with the likenesses of himself and his “This Is the End” co-stars Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride and Craig Robinson on Saturday. Stay tuned for subsequent photos of the mural being graffiti-ed by disgruntled hipsters. We’re not pawns in your game of capitalistic self-promotion masked in art, man. Also, go take a nap.

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In a move that will come as a shock to exactly nobody, before performing two new tracks on “SNL” on Saturday, Kanye West announced that his new album (dropping June 18) will be called “Yeezus.” Are we the only ones who are starting to find Yeezy’s God Complex sort of tiring? We get it, you’re a big deal. Like, the hugest deal. If, however, those pesky gay rumors the tabloids are circulating turn out to be true, there may be a case for an immaculate conception situation with Ye and Kim K’s unborn spawn.

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The post The Word: Tanning Mom’s new music video is the worst thing appeared first on Metro.us.

By her count, Jessica Walter has been a member of the Screen Actors Guild for 50 years, a period of time that encompasses a vast body of work — dramatic (“Grand Prix”), suspenseful (“Play Misty for Me”), supernatural (“Dr. Strange”) and, most recently, comedic (“Archer”). But for Walter, the forthcoming return of “Arrested Development” offers a reassuring reminder that her career has transcended not just different genres, but different generations.

“Certainly demographically, there are probably people who thought I was dead,” Walter says candidly. “I have people that are my age and older who know who I am, who remember some of my work from the old days, and then I used to get, ‘Wow, my mother really likes you.’ Then I’d get, ‘My grandma really likes you.’ And now I get, ‘I really like you!’ So how can I be unhappy about that?”

According to Walter, who plays boozy matriarch Lucille Bluth, virtually every line of dialogue in the 15 new episodes creator Mitchell Hurwitz wrote has a double (or even triple) meaning, much like those in the 53 episodes of the show that were broadcast during its three seasons on Fox. But because each episode now focuses on a different character instead of simply following Jason Bateman’s Michael Bluth, conversational contexts shifted frequently — a change that provided a considerable challenge for Walter and her co-stars as they navigated Hurwitz’s latticework of plot strands and one-liners. “We didn’t know a whole lot a lot of the time, which makes it much more difficult,” she admits. “In the end, it all worked out, but it’s a strange way to work because you don’t have all of the materials.”

Still, the actress says she slipped easily back into the role, even after a seven-year hiatus between the show’s cancellation and its rebirth on Netflix. “The thing about our show which I think you probably realize from watching it is that the writing is so character-specific,” she observes. “Once I heard Tony [Hale]‘s voice and once I saw him, there he was with the hook and his pathetic demeanor, he was my little Busty again.”

Between Lucille on “Arrested Development” and Mallory Archer on “Archer,” Walter finds herself in the midst of a remarkable career renaissance, a fact she’s grateful for, regardless of whether people know her prior to playing these cantankerous, irresistibly manipulative mothers. “I’m so glad they think of something,” she says humbly. “At my age I’m privileged that they think of something, so it doesn’t bother me a bit if they think of me as Lucille. And people have been really nice — they don’t seem to think of Lucille as horrible, thank God. But as long as they’re thinking of me, it makes me happy.”

The post Martinis with ‘Lucille Bluth’: Jessica Walter spills on the new ‘Arrested Development’ appeared first on Metro.us.

And, thank the gods of comedy and Internet buzz, it looks like it’s still funny. (What is also funny is how few people gave a crap about this show while it was on the air and how many, many, many people became invested in it once it was gone. But such is the way of these things.)

The gang’s all here in this trailer that looks like it picks up right where it abruptly left off seven years ago — Gob, Buster, Lucille, George Michael and co. haven’t missed a beat in their knack for dysfunctional hilarity and talent for non sequiturs. Plus, the awesome Judy Greer is back as Kitty Sanchez. It’s safe to say we’re as pleased about this as the rest of the world.

Now if only the cast of ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ would make good on those long-standing prequel rumors…

The post VIDEO: Arrested Development trailer is live and, oh good, it still looks funny appeared first on Metro.us.

Admittedly, for a time, said “hipsters” did like to go around wearing animal heads.

And “hipsters” also really like folksy songs … played by bearded British dudes … with … guitars? They like beards, right? Read that somewhere, maybe. (F’real though, the song by Alexi Murdoch that Sean and Mandy here chose to soundtrack this proposal video is super great. You guys have good taste in proposal video songs.)

But … that’s all we’ve got. Pretty sure getting married is not high on the list of ways to be nonconformist that the hipster canon demands, which brings us back to point A) The American Hipster is dead.

But we digress. The point here — that we were trying to make before getting distracted by spirit hoods and very decent indie-folk music — is that this proposal video, while undeniably adorable and heartwarming, if you’re into that kind of thing, is not hipster. We’d argue that enlisting a group of people in giant animal costumes to converge upon the unsuspecting object of your affection as a way of saying “I’ll love you forever and ever, want in?” is actually a little bit terrifying.

But maybe that’s just because that pink elephant is bringing back some disturbing flashbacks. But also, maybe that’s just us.

(Oh hey, Sean and Mandy, congrats by the way. You crazy kids are going to do great.)

The post [VIDEO] ‘Hipster’ wedding proposal is adorable, but also a little frightening appeared first on Metro.us.

We’re suckers for a good photobomb.  And we’re even bigger suckers when it’s awesomely irreverent Jennifer Lawrence doing the bombing. Add Sarah Jessica Parker in a ridiculous freaking hat (that’s not “punk,” by the way. We’re talking to you, Sarah Jessica Parker’s stylist) to this frothy potion of awesome photobombery at last night’s Met Gala in NYC and we. are. SO INTO IT.

One of our fave celebs who just DGAF, Lawrence did her best to blow the feathers off of SJP’s misguided headgear at the punk-themed gala — an event that, in our opinion, far too many celebs take far too seriously. Not this gal. (Check out how much Marion Cotillard over there, stage left, is digging this.)

And, incidentally, not Joshua Jackson a/k/a Pacey from ‘Dawson’s Creek’ a/k/a one teen actor who grew up into a major babe. He had a photobomb of his own:

WE ARE ALL FOR THIS. Sorry, sorry — we know Anne Hathaway is a totally legitimate actress and totally killed it in Les Miz and is most likely a totally pleasant and likable gal, a peach even — but she really just irks us. Ruffles our headfeathers, you might say. (See what we did there?)

Bravo, you two. Y’all should get together and make beautiful photobombing babies.

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“Well, I knew something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black man’s arms. Something is wroooong here. Dead giveaway. Dead giveaway. Deeeaaad giveaway.”

You can’t make this stuff up. (Also shout-out to the stone-faced guy to his right in the leather vest. Why so serious, bro?)

Internet meme trollers, we said, get thee to your auto-tune machines! And so they did.

So far, though, the Ramsey auto-tunes are not top-notch. Internet, you can do better. And you will, we know you will. Because you’ve brought us Lady in the Gas Station Backing Up. And Double Rainbow. We’ll be right here waiting.

The post The Charles Ramsey auto-tunes have begun! appeared first on Metro.us.

Oh dear god, no. We thought the recording industry had reached its lowest pit of scum-sucking despair when it allowed Rebecca Black’s “Friday” to enter the world. Then we thought that actually maybe “My Jeans” had that topped and we could close the book on this thing.

We thought wrong. Because today we heard Patricia Krentcil a/k/a “The Tanning Mom’s” new song a/k/a ”the aural equivalent of sucking pus from a homeless man’s infected big toe while listening to feral cats mate in a meat grinder.” It’s called “It’s Tan Mom” (points for cleverness!) and it is a rap song.

Well, it’s a rap song if your definition of the genre extends to a middle-aged woman who has tanned herself the color of motor oil — and apparently sun-fried her brains — slur robotically (a sonic feat we didn’t even know was possible, dubbing this strange new genre #drunkrobotgaze) about — you guessed it — gettin’ tan.

Choice drunken robot slurred lines include: “I’m sexier…than…the Teen….Mom….and….Octo….Mom.”

Also, she’s a pretty good rhymer: “I want you to get away….from me…every day.” “My name is tan mom, tanning is the bomb.”

Also, this is the worst thing. And you can purchase it for a mere $0.99 on iTunes as of right now.

We give up.

The post The Tanning Mom releases rap “song” — ears everywhere bleed appeared first on Metro.us.

We’ve all heard of latch-key kids, but backdoor teen moms? That’s a new one. (That’s a gross one.) It’s also the name of former Teen Mom “star” Farrah Abraham’s sex tape with porn star James Deen. “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom” will be available for online viewing (ugh) tomorrow from Vivid Entertainment. (Side note: Abraham locked down a seven figure deal for this tape. Seven. Figures.) And — surprise, surprise — stills from the tape have already leaked online courtesy of TMZ.

Warning, these photos are by no means SFW but hey, it’s Sunday and you can leer at lurid photos of desperate young moms all damn day if you want, areweright?

On a serious note, though, this whole — increasingly creepy and tawdry — story of Abraham’s life post-Teen Mom (thanks MTV!) The latest in a string of misguided and obvious cries for attention (cries for help): Abraham took a pole dancing class…and invited a photog along to watch. (via HuffPo)

f/a/o of all young girls who want to be famous: please don’t do any of this.

The post “Backdoor Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham’s sex tape photos predictably leaked online (NSFW) appeared first on Metro.us.

Pro tip for people without health insurance looking to cash in on thousands and thousands of dollars in medical treatment: tell the good medical folks at the hospital that you’re a gen-yoo-ine celebrity. Then they’ll do it for free! No questions asked. Literally no questions asked, apparently, in the case of this Minnesota man who strolled into a St. Cloud hospital and told everyone that he was Pink Floyd guitarist/vocalist David Gilmour. To which they apparently replied something like, “Oh, hey, cool. Loved Dark Side of the Moon. Come on in and take advantage of our services, on the house!”

This man was in Pink Floyd / WENN.com

Um, what? According to this story in the St. Cloud Times, 53-year-old Phillip Michael Schaeffer racked up $100,000 in undisclosed treatment at the hospital — and signed an autograph for an employee’s son — all because he told them he was David Gilmour. Eventually, someone on the crack team became suspicious about why David Gilmour might be at a hospital, ID-less and health insurance-less (in Minne-freaking-sota no less) and decided to look further into the matter:  “So our security supervisor pulled up the security camera shots of when this man entered the hospital and compared them to pictures on the Internet of Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour and determined he was not David Gilmour.” That’s some expert sleuthing!

Schaeffer was later arrested when he returned to the scene of the crime and tried to present some phony insurance papers, whereupon another staffer thought that his accent seemed suspect. All of this is hilarious.

We’re planning on trying this out should we ever find ourselves in, say, a jewelry store in St. Cloud. “Hi, we’re Beyonce and we need all your diamonds, please thanks. Baiii!”

The post Minnesota man tells hospital he’s Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, hospital says “ok!” appeared first on Metro.us.

Because she wore this Atlanta PD hat to LAX yesterday. LOL at this PR move, which somehow simultaneously comes off as Reese apologizing, poking fun at herself, and giving the Atlanta ‘po a delicate middle finger. Note the smirky little half-smile.

Still, hats off (HA) to Reese for putting something new out there for all us gossip-hungry Internet people to speculate about instead of this incredibly embarrassing (c’mon, Witherspoon, we legitimately thought you were better than that) police dashboard camera footage that trolliest of celebrity gossip trolls TMZ put on the web last week. Hey, everyone gets lousy drunk and yells at strangers about how Very Important they are from time to time, but most people aren’t A-list celebs with previously squeaky-clean public reps. Lesson learned, Reesey.

The post Reese Witherspoon still hearts the Atlanta Police Department, obviously appeared first on Metro.us.

The post VIDEO: Andrew the Pizza Guy [deep] dishes on Daft Punk in Funny or Die spoof appeared first on Metro.us.

Um, as if we needed further evidence that Kevin Spacey — most recently killin’ it as smarmy politico extraordinaire on Netflix’s House of Cards — was a cool dude, he went and did THIS. This young lady was out for a stroll through the Public Garden in Boston on Monday, and had stopped to take this touristy photo in front of the George Washington statue, when homeboy — out for a jog of his own — allegedly yelled “PHOTOBOMB” and jumped into the frame.

And while screaming the B-word around Boston while leaping unannounced into strangers’ personal spaces might not be the most prudent move right about now (as Gawker — and many others — have pointed out) awesome this remains. Reminds us of when Tom Hanks did this. Tom Hanks is also awesome.

The post This Kevin Spacey photobomb in the Public Garden just made our day appeared first on Metro.us.

Most people might know Michael Shannon best for his portrayal of former federal agent Nelson Van Alden on HBO’s Boardwalk Empire. From here on out, however, we’re going to know him as “that guy who did that amazing dramatic reading of that crazy Delta Gamma sorority letter.” Because that’s what this Funny or Die video [NSFW, natch] is: amazing.

The emailed letter, which immediately went viral after being leaked to the internet last Thursday, reads as a searing satire of how approximately every person in the world who is not in a sorority imagines that sororities operate. Except it was real, ya’ll. And, in its own horrible, ‘example of all that is wrong with young girls today’-way, it was also sort of amazing.

Shannon’s reading, now similarly gone viral, got us thinking about other awesome dramatic readings the internet has birthed. Like this one of Gary Oldman reading from R. Kelly’s autobiography Soulacoaster.

And this one of David Sedaris reading from Fifty Shades of Grey.

Hey, and Gilbert Gottfried reading from Fifty Shades of Grey. (Warning: you can never unhear Gottfried saying the words  “stroking the front wall of my vagina.”)

What other awesome dramatic readings are out there floating around the world wide web? Post ‘em in the comments, we’d love to watch them.

The post This dramatic Michael Shannon reading of that crazy Delta Gamma sorority letter is amazing appeared first on Metro.us.

If you haven’t yet read Amanda Palmer’s ‘A Poem For Dzhokhar‘ – and if you live in Boston, are on Facebook or Twitter, and don’t currently reside under a large, social-media eclipsing rock then you most likely have – then go ahead and do that now. Not because it’s great poetry. That’s not for us to say, we’re not poetry professors. And not because she’s saying anything you want to hear. That’s also not for us to say, we’re not you. You should read it because Amanda F—ing Palmer wrote a poem. Nay, an ode. To the remaining living suspect in the Boston Marathon attacks. And the internet is all sorts of worked up about it.

Whether you love it, hate it, or think it’s completely insane (fiercely divided sentiments often applied to the Dresden Dolls singer herself) there’s no denying that this particular piece of prose is a…Thing. Lines like “you don’t know how precious your iphone battery time was until you’re hiding in the bottom of the boat” juxtaposed with those like “you don’t know how to dance but you give it a shot anyway” are jarring and have sparked equal amounts of internet rage,  adoration, and a fair amount of uhh WTF-type perplexity. We’re reserving our own opinions for our personal LiveJournals. Read it and decide for yourself.

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Here are two things most everyone can agree on about Olympic swimming stud Ryan Lochte. He is easy on the eyes and he is not a member of the Mensa society. To put that in terms that even Ryan Lochte could understand, what we’re saying here is that he’s big hunk of not-so-smart but really buff man meat. One more thing that most everyone can probably agree on is that this video of Fox29 Good Day Philadelphia anchors Mike Jerrick and Sheinelle Jones interviewing (well, trying to interview – bit of a stone/blood thing going on here) Lochte – whose new reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do? premieres tonight on E at 10 pm - then cracking the eff up over it when the camera stops rolling is really funny. As fellow journalists, we are required by the Society of Professional News People (that’s not a real thing) to shake a tsk tsk-ing finger at Jerrick and Jones over their rather unprofessional News People behavior. As internet consumers and supporters of things that are funny and make Sunday nights a little less painful, however, we’re similarly required to share this video with you. At least you can start off another long work week secure in the knowledge that you – probably – never made a lady almost laugh her fake eyelashes off at your expense. [The hilarity starts at 3:50, you're welcome.] For further hilarity, tune in to his show tonight. Or, you know, don’t.

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The soap opera between Chris Brown and Rihanna continues: The on-again, off-again couple with the rocky past has reportedly called it quits, according to E! News. While Brown has been spotted in New York entertaining a mystery blonde, Rihanna has finishing up her latest international tour and spending time in L.A. between gigs, but sources say there’s no new man in her life and that she’s shifting her focus off her love life and onto planning future tours and launching a new fragrance line.

Berry: ‘feels fantastic’
After confirming that she is pregnant with her second child, Halle Berry is speaking out herself about the joyous news. “I feel fantastic,” the Oscar-winner tells CNN of expecting a baby with fiancé Olivier Martinez. “This has been the biggest surprise of my life, to tell you the truth. I thought I was kind of past the point where this could be a reality for me. So it’s been a big surprise and the most wonderful.” While reports have claimed that Berry is expecting a boy, she’s playing coy about gender, saying only, “I don’t know, I don’t know.”

Drake takes on Bieber’s fans
Former “Drake & Josh” star Drake Bell is picking a fight with Justin Bieber’s fans online, which may not be the smartest move. “I don’t ‘hate’ Justin Bieber. His fans are the problem,” Bell tweeted last month, but this past weekend he really got into it. “I love when beliebers say they loved me on ['Drake & Josh'] but what happened to the old Drake,” he wrote. “[Bieber], you have the most insane fans in the world.” He also poked fun at Bieber himself, and the stunt inevitably earned him a slew of angry responses. “Putting a moratorium on tweets about beliebers,” he finally wrote. “Just wanted to show how sick and twisted people can get.”

Don’t mess with the ‘A-Team’
Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper are suing a pair of companies for allegedly using photos of the “A-Team” co-stars in advertisements without their permission, according to court documents procured by E! News. Neeson and Cooper claim Vutec Corporations and First Impressions Theme Theaters are guilty of trademark infringement, negligence and  violating their rights of privacy and publicity for using their images in print and online ads and in other promotional materials. The suit was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court. The actors are seeking damages and attorney fees.

Bynes on her ‘fake’ stories
Amanda Bynes takes issue with Page Six’s story earlier this week that she her erratic behavior during a gymnastics class got her booted. “I’m suing every blog saying I was kicked out of gymnastics,” Bynes posted on Twitter. What is wrong with you people? What would you do if you found fake stories about you?” Also, to make good on her earlier request that online outlets only use photos from her Twitter account and not unflattering paparazzi shots when reporting on her, Bynes posted a slew of photos from the last few years to Twitter, nothing which ones are her favorites.

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