What does she really want in bed? Credit: Thinkstock
What a woman wants in the bedroom can be confusing for many men, with some saying that they just don't get it. Does she want candles lit for romantic lighting, or candle wax dripped on her nipples? Does she want to be made love to softly with feeling, or f*cked from behind with mad passion? I asked 1,000 women what they really wanted from men in the bedroom. They got real. The got raw. And they got honest.
Foreplay. And it begins outside the bedroom.
"He just starts. We walk in the bedroom, and he expects me to just flip on my back, automatically be wet, and ready for him to start thrusting." —Monica F.
"Make me want you!" —Fran T.
For some men, there are two types of foreplay: being touched and the anticipation of being touched. What these guys don't seem to realize is that their version of foreplay is in direct opposition to a woman's largest erogenous zone: her mind. There's no substitute for mental stimulation and intelligent discussion as foreplay.
Arousal for a woman often starts long before she is consciously aware it is happening. Seduction is an art form, and requires effort. It demands focus on her. She wants to feel important. She wants to matter. She wants to feel desired.
Bottom line: A woman's largest erogenous zone is her mind, with his words and actions being the ultimate tools for effective foreplay.
Undress her… slowly.
"I want to be slowly unwrapped and revealed, like a present." —Debbie B.
"He needs to take his time with me until I can't handle it. And I want to see him want me. It drives me crazy." —Michelle S.
Too often, couples get down to business. Seduction can—and should— also be slower, and not rushed. Reveal her body slowly and let your eyes and hands hover, brush, caress, and grip places your tongue will soon follow.
Bottom line: Anticipation and appreciation go a long way.
Sex in public.
She might not want to actually have sex in public (getting arrested isn't good), but the thrill of being observed is a huge turn-on for many women. After all, part of the excitement when you're a teenager is not getting caught doing... whatever. Why would that change in adulthood?
To the guy who thinks his girl "wouldn't be like that": Yes, your girl, too.
Let her take control.
"I really like being in control. Not every time, but sometimes. And I don't want to hurt him; I just want to do things to him. Things that please him, but also things that let him know he is not in control; I am." —Karen W.
Power can be a big aphrodisiac for many people, men and women alike. And just like their male counterparts, many women want to not be on the receiving end of control. While most respondents weren't looking for a BDSM lifestyle, over half (53%) were just as clear that they wanted their man to experience some level of submission, at least one time—tie him up, spank him, have access to all parts of him.
Bottom line: She has just as much desire as he does... and she wants the opportunity to show him.
"I love when he dresses up in his old Navy uniform. I didn't know him then, so it makes things different, and men-in-uniform really turn me on." —Jessie L.
"Maybe I'm all screwed up, but I like playing the naughty school girl (with pigtails!), and he's the teacher who punishes me for getting my homework wrong." —Hanna R.
Taking on a different persona can be freeing and allow for actions and thoughts to play out that you as a "real person" wouldn't be able to follow-through with. By putting on a costume or assuming a different role, you can kill off the inhibitions that would prevent pleasure.
Bottom line: Assuming a new role can not only be fun, it can eliminate relationship dynamics that might stifle sexual freedom.
Variety of motion and movement.
"I want his hands moving. I want him to stay touching and feeling me as he is inside me." —Penni J.
Over 80% of respondents said that they experienced many men as oftentimes having one speed—fast—with several mentions of "BAM-BAM-BAM-BAMBAMBAM!" (Yes, seriously.) A variety of motions, types of caresses/touches (both where it happens, as well as the pressure initiated), hands, tongue and mouth staying engaged, and to be more adventurous with body position.
Bottom line: Women's bodies are fun to explore. Experiment and try things as she allows. She'll thank you later.
Links of the week:
Can you get back together with an ex? Yes... you can get back together with love, listening, and empathy as your guides. Just keep your eyes open so you can avoid past situations and mistakes.
Up Contrary to popular belief that "men cheat more", recent studies show that the number of women who cheat is not only on the rise, but it is passing the number of men.
Down A recent survey of 1,000 men (ages 18-25) reveals that they don't feel oral sex is cheating. Turns out that they thought only about "receiving". When asked if their wives/girlfriends could do the same thing, nearly one hundred percent angrily replied that in that case, oral sex was, cheating. Nice double standard, guys.
Charles J. Orlando is relationship expert and author of the bestselling book series “The Problem with Women… is Men®.” Find out more about Charles on his website, or visit him on Facebook for real-world love advice.