This is what happens when you date Taylor Swift: even a dapper British thespian whose most recent film was a J.G. Ballard adaptation can become a tabloid magnet. Hot off the brutally bleak “High-Rise,” Tom Hiddleston decided it’d be a capital idea to date Taylor Swift. Since then a justly acclaimed actor has not just been reduced to demeaning couple names. (“TayTom!” “Swiddleston!”) He’s been the center of staged make-out sessions by the beach and breathlessly reported bits about meeting her mom.

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And now he’s enraged no less than Calvin Harris. The Swift ex is right pissed that the actor already met the parents, and can you believe she always refused to meet his? Harris even clumsily backed his car into a brick wall when hounded by a paparazzo. This must be a brand new world for a gentleman who looks like “Gone with the Wind”’s Leslie Howard, but maybe it was all part of his cunning scheme: cavort with one of the world’s flashiest objects, and perhaps people will finally watch his poorly-received Hank Williams biopic “I Saw the Light.”