If going through a breakup is hard, then going through one after your proposal was televised to millions of people might seem impossible. For Andi Dorfman, this scenario wasn't just a bad nightmare — it was her reality.
The 29-year-old first made headlines after walking out on season 18 of "The Bachelor" after a heated confrontation with Juan Pablo Galavis. She later returned to ABC and starred on season 10 of "The Bachelorette," where she got engaged to — and subsequently broke up with — fellow Atlanta native Josh Murray.
After calling off her 9-month engagement, Dorfman decided to trade in the "tears and sesame chicken" for a new life in New York City and a tell-all, "It's Not Okay." The book is equal parts juicy gossip and heartfelt advice on getting over a breakup. It chronicles her journey from Galavis and Murray — respectively known as "Number One" and "Number Twenty-Six" in her book — while offering readers tough love on getting over their exes.
You call "It's Not Okay" an anti-self help book, but you also give breakup advice in it. So what category does your book fall into?
I call it the anti-self help book because, first of all, it gives you this permission to do things that I think most self-help books steer you away from [in one chapter of the book, Dorfman writes “Sometimes you just have to get pissed and burn some s—t in order to feel better”]. But it’s also a kind of subconscious self-help — you’re reading a story, you’re laughing, you’re feeling different things while getting through a breakup and getting advice. To me, it’s self-help kind of interwoven into this dynamic and fun story.
Why didn't you include the names of your exes?
Obviously, I’m not hiding their identity. I think we all know what number belongs to everyone. It just felt like a moment of empowerment to kind of put them all in the category and number them. It was like a feminist moment — this is my story, I’m writing it, I’m trying to get over a breakup, and the last thing I wanted to do is splash the names of all my exes all through the pages of my story. It was like, “Yeah, you know what? Let’s just number them.” It was my empowerment move.
What are some red flags you think people should look out for in a relationship?
The first one is you ask yourself, “Are you happy?” And I know you’re not going to be happy every single day, but you get to choose to be in a relationship, and you should choose a relationship that adds value to your life and makes you a better person. I think it’s very easy to tell when you’re not yourself, when you’re tense. I said it in the book — I operated on two speeds [during my relationship], silent or angry, and that’s not who I am. So when a relationship starts to change you for the worse, I think that’s when you need to take a step back and say, “What is this really giving me? Why am I in something that’s not beneficial?” It really starts with that first step: “Am I happy?"