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Taylor Swift has found her newest victim

She's back!
Taylor Swift Joe Alwyn Composite
Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn. Photo: Getty Images

In recent months, if you listened ever so slightly, head bowed toward the Earth’s center, you could hear the wind — and Tom Hiddleston — whispering, “Where TF is Taylor Swift?”

The pop star has been laying relatively low in the last year, thank Dumbledore. Methinks after she came for Kanye, lying about giving him permission to use her name in his sound “Famous,” and Kim Kardashian came up with the receipts, the 27 year-old wisely thought it was time for a break. But not anymore! The “Style” singer is making a comeback to the spotlight — but only because she has a new British boyfriend now. Classic her!

The Sun reports that Swift has been secretly dating Joe Alwyn, a 26-year-old actor, for several months. Alwyn is a rising star in the film industry (The Hollywood Reporter went to far as to call him the "Hollywood's Next Big Thing") who still lives with his parents. And ‘cause Tay Tay does the most, she’s rented a house in North London to use as a base when seeing him. And, because seriously, she’s competing with herself for being patently ridiculous, she has taken to wearing a variety of disguises when she sees him to avoid being identified by the media. I’m talking scarves, hats, and wigs. Oh, dear.

Apparently, she’s taking these precautions because she doesn’t want another doomed relationship, à la her and Tom Hiddleston. “Taylor and Joe are the real deal, this is a very serious relationship,” a source told the paper. “But after what happened with Tom Hiddleston, they were determined to keep it quiet.”

A close friend of Swift confirmed the relationship, saying “This isn’t a new couple alert or a secret relationship… she and Joe decided early on to keep their private life private.” Seems like a novel concept for Swift, but what do I know?

The timing, in my humble opinion, is mad suspicious. Harry Styles, my new kind of celebrity crush that I feel real weird about, just came out with an album. With songs presumably about his and Swift’s three month whirlwind courtship. Is Swift conveniently being caught with a secret boyfriend just her way of shifting the conversation to being about her, again?

I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s kind of the evil genius type. 

 
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