Hannah has learned to be compassionate this season. Just kidding! She's worse than ever. Credit: HBO
Hannah's running late for a meeting with her editor, David Pressler-Goings, but luckily, he hasn't arrived in the office yet. Suddenly, she notices everyone is in a panic, running around the office and crying. No one will tell her what's going on. When a staffer walks into the office, the receptionist finally breaks the news: David is dead. R.I.P. David - we hardly knew ye and your Grindr-loving ways.
Marnie is on a hardcore workout mission, running around the city and gritting her teeth. Back at Hannah's apartment, Hannah tells Jessa that David had to reschedule their meeting because he was dead! Jessa says a typically mystical Jessa thing and tells Hannah she kind of looks forward to dying and the time isn't linear anyway and we've already died and have also not been born. Adam barges in with an old photo of Tom Hanks and he and Jessa has a banter going. Jessa asks him how his penis is, and he asks her if she wants him to put it on her shoulder. But Adam cuts the jokes once he hears David is dead and doubles over in compassion for Hannah - until she says "and no one even began to told me what was going to happen to my e-book." Adam's appalled by Hannah's selfishness.
Hannah finds out from Gawker that David was found face down in the Hudson River near Chelsea Piers and Adam judges her from getting her news on Gawker, from a bunch of "judgmental creeps." Hannah defends it and says it's "a web portal that celebrates the written word."
Jessa goes to Shoshanna's apartment and asks her if she's ever had a friend die. Shoshanna says yes as she organizes her bandanna collection. She explains that she was sad when her friend died, but it was kind of a relief because her friend group didn't have room for two "practical yet goofy confidantes." Jessa talks about her friend Season who died - maybe choking on her vomit or something (Jessa's words). Shoshanna tells her she should visit her grave and grieve properly, just like she did. Jessa responds, "You had a friend who died?"
Hannah wakes up early for a shift at Cafe Grumpy and manages to slide in another comment about how she's worried about her e-book. Adam tells her he's scared of how she'd act if he died. He says he thinks she'd just worry about if she could make rent. She explains that she'd be extremely sad, disoriented and also anxious about making rent. Adam tells her if she died he wouldn't know what a tree was. Hannah says she knows at least what she'd say at Adam's funeral.
At Cafe Grumpy, Hannah tells Ray what happened. "We in the literary community are left scratching our heads," she says. Ray is surprisingly compassionate and offers to let her go home, but she tells him she honestly feels nothing. Ray also gets judgmental and calls her apathy "sociopathic detachment."
Jessa calls someone and says she wants to visit Season's tomb and then finds out that Season is alive!
Everyone's favorite secondary character, Laird, gives Hannah a big hug when he hears that David died. Hannah tells him she doesn't really care because it's her first death. Then Laird tells her that deaths become a "waterfall" and everyone around him ever has died. Caroline comes down and meets Laird and calls his pet turtle carcass "totally beautiful." Hannah, Laird and Caroline go on a trip together and Hannah tells them she just really, really cares about her book.
Jessa makes the trip to Season's house and she answers the door with her baby. Jessa tells her off and asks Season if she faked her own funeral, but Season tells her she knew Jessa wouldn't show up to her funeral so she didn't have to fake it. She calls Jessa her enabler and we find out that when she told Jessa she needed to go to rehab, Jessa took her to an ayahuasca ceremony. Season's husband walks into the house and asks if he needs to pretend she's dead. Jessa storms out and tells Season that the house, the baby, the husband - none of it is going to work out.
Jessa's working a shift at Cafe Grumpy and hears her YouTube video playing in the back office. Hermie and Ray are gigging and Hermie tells Marnie that she has a much better understanding of the song "What I Am" than Edie Brickell ever did. Marnie is furious. She informs Ray that she's overqualified for this horrible job and she wants to work with fancy people from now on. She storms out and Ray is down another employee.
Caroline, Laird and Hannah are skipping around Green-Wood Cemetery. Finally, they lie down and have a heart-to-heart and talk about how Caroline used to feel too much until she was on medication. Hannah worries that Adam will one day realize how apathetic she is compared to him. Caroline tells Hannah about her cousin, Margaret, who died from muscular dystrophy when she was juts 12. She tells Hannah how Adam spent time with Margaret and played with her next to her hospital bed. All Margaret wanted to do was go to a high school dance before she died, so Adam took all of his savings from working at the supermarket and told his girlfriend he couldn't take her to the dance. He bought Margaret a tiny, beautiful dress and swept her wheelchair around the dance floor. She died a week later.
Sweet Laird is so moved that he's bawling in the background, but Hannah just wants to know why the dress was tiny. Caroline is appalled but amused as Hannah theorizes out loud that this is why Adam has been behaving the way he has. Finally, Caroline tells her that's impossible because she made up the story. "You didn't even shed a tear. Your little brow didn't even furrow," Caroline laughs. "It's cool, man, I like you." Laird is still crying.
Hannah comes back home and finds Adam on the stoop. She tells him that she was just in shock about David and that's why she didn't react. She tells him it takes her a while to process her emotions. She gets a little weepy and says it's hard for her to realize her champion is gone. Then Hannah starts telling Adam about her cousin Margaret, who died from muscular dystrophy at 12. "All that she wanted was to go to a senior prom, so I took her," Hannah weeps.