Aria (Lucy Hale), Emily (Shay Mitchell), Hanna (Ashley Benson), and Spencer (Troian Bellisario) know it will never be over.
They answer one question and ask another. It never ends. Here’s your weekly Q&A recap.
Q: Did Spencer’s dad kill Mrs. DiLaurentis?
A: She still suspects him, after Jason’s cryptic warning last week. So when she and hot-nerd-Andrew find a dead possum in her garage, next to a tub of recently purchased rodenticide, Spencer believes her dad must have poisoned Mrs. D, because why do they have rat poison if they’ve never had a problem with rodents?
Q: But wasn’t she literally looking at a rodent when she said that?
A: I can’t get into the mind of a teenager. Back to her dad-maybe-murderer. Later, Mrs. Hastings tells Spencer that Mrs. D threatened to confess she saw Spencer kill that other girl in Ali’s grave. So Mr. Hastings might have been shutting Mrs. D up.
Q: Why would Mrs. D set up Spencer? A: Maybe Spencer did kill Jane Doe.
Q: Is Aria still freaking out about killing Shana?
A: Oh, god, yes. She googles–
Q: Wait, doesn’t Pretty Little Liars get paid by Bing to only show characters using Bing?
A: Yes, but whatever: the verb is still google. And that’s what Aria does with Shana’s name, and finds a video of her funeral, which she then watches obsessively.
Q: People post funeral videos online?
A: I googled “funeral ceremony” and it’s mostly just clips of Nelson Mandela’s service, so I think not.
Q: But maybe Shana’s family greatly respects Mandela and, in wanting to emulate his life, also posted Shana’s funeral video?
A: Sure, maybe — I’d find it harder to believe that weird braid hairstyle Spencer was wearing, when she found the possum, wasn’t a wig.
Q: Will Hanna snap too?
A: Yep. She shoplifts again, walking out of the store with an outfit under her outfit.
Q: Does this mean the “real” Hanna she’s been trying to find is just a freak who steals ugly clothes.
A: Maybe.
Q: Remember when life was easy for Hanna — when all she had to worry about was if A would hit her with a car again, or if her mother killed Detective Wilden?
Q: What did Mrs. D’s toxicology report say?
A: In spite of Hanna announcing that the cause of death “was murder, duh,” there was still an investigation. Ali tells Spencer that someone “messed with” her mom’s pills: Mrs. D had low blood pressure but the coroner found Losartan in her system, which is a drug prescribed for the opposite condition — so it stopped her heart.
Q: Is Spencer so happy it wasn’t rat poison that she high-fives Ali and does a Maury Povich dance?
A: More or less…it was an emotional Maury Povich dance. But then, later, she finds Losartan in one of the kitchen cabinets. And then her dad comes home saying he dropped off her mom at a spa for two nights, and she can’t call her.
Q: Did Spencer’s dad kill Spencer’s mom?
A: Doubt it. But I bet Spencer did.
Q: That makes no sense — how?
A: I don’t care. I’m tired of false leads. In fact, I’ve changed my mind: Aria did it. She’ll videotape the funeral and watch it a 100 times.
Q: Can Ali keep up this kidnapping lie?
A: She can’t put off the medical examination any longer. In it, we learn that she has really powerful lungs, that the doc wants to x-ray the scar tissue from her head wound since particles from whatever hit her might be under it, and that she has a nasty gash-scar on her thigh.
Q: Do we also have to watch him give her a gynecological exam?
A: Thank god, he left. And then Ali gives Hanna a recording of the exam to share with the girls, so they’ll know how to lie.
Q: Wait, where did Ali get that scar?
A: She told the doc she hit a rock when she jumped from the car, but he could tell it’s older and also from a slice. Hanna demands the truth. And Ali replies, “Once you know something, you can’t unknow it.”
Q: Is that real cognitive science?
A: No. But it might be a metaphor for how Ali can’t stop looking at a tumblr-like page full of hateful things people posted about her after she disappeared.
Q: Don’t I read my book’s reviews on Amazon?
A: Yes, but not the bad reviews.
Q: Doesn’t that sort of make me a terrible person?
A: A bit.
Q: As bad as Ali?
A: No.
Q: That’s a relief.
A: That wasn’t a question, but I agree.
What else?
Q: Does Mona know about Shana?
A: Unclear, but she does tell Paige she can’t be “social Switzerland” and will have to pick a side: be part of Mona’s loser army or be their enemy.
Q: Where was Ali’s new dog this episode?
A: No, seriously, where was it?
Q: Is Lucas going soft?
A: He tells Mona he doesn’t want to torture Ali anymore, considering her nightmare kidnapping episode has been punishment enough, so Mona reveals that she’s lying.
Q: Does Lucas have a weird and super-manicured beard now too?
A: Yes. In high school.
Q: But weren’t the guys with beards in high school actually older guys who were only pretending to be 17 in order to troll for underage girls or go undercover?
A: You said it, not me.
