Drunk girls and ghost brownies: here’s your weekly ‘Pretty Little Liars’ recap by way of Q&A.
Q: do they really not check for feet under the bathroom stalls at school anymore?
A: the liars are getting sloppy, discussing their secrets at school — that they need to get their stories straight for dinner with Emily’s mom, and also that Ali has covered her strangle bruises with concealer and a comically large scarf. Then new-girl Sydney exits a stall and casually admires said scarf, while generally pretending to be deaf.
Q: Sydney? I thought the new girl was Cindy.
A: yeah, I’ve been calling her the wrong name all season. Sorry; millennials don’t enunciate. But I did clearly hear when the liars all backed out of dinner with Emily’s mom. Spencer and Aria have valid excuses, but Emily show’s up at Hanna’s to say she knows Hanna doesn’t have cramps, because that won’t happen for two more weeks.
Q: whoah, they know when each other’s cycles are?
A: well, I’m assuming they’re all on the same one — if girls who live together synchronize, I imagine girls who survive multiple murder attempts together also do. Did you know that when there’s a super moon, extra babies are born?
Q: is “extra babies” the medical term?
A: never mind. Hanna lied because she’s tired of being controlled by Ali. Still, she agrees to come to dinner. But then Ali tells her to “cool it” with Caleb, which leads Hanna to sneak-fill her water glass with vodka, get drunk at dinner, and make snide comments. A suspicious Emily tastes the drink. Hanna says, “What? I had to have something to wash down all the bologna we had with dinner.”
Q: why did she pronounce it “baloneh”?
A: because Ashley Benson, the actor who plays her, has clearly never eaten bologna.
Q: so what’s up with that reptile-demon drawing by dead-girl Bethany?
A: Aria begins her volunteer work at Radley sanitarium, casually lays out the drawing among other prints in an art class, and immediately finds Bethany’s old roommate.
Q: isn’t that a little convenient?
A: yes, and thank goodness because they could really have drawn this out. Instead, we meet Big Rhonda who calls Aria a thief, and–
Q: “Big Rhonda”?
A: and that isn’t the last fat joke. Rhonda returns from the shower while Aria is snooping in her room, so Aria slides under the bed, and is then almost squished by the stretched springs under Rhonda’s ass. On the upside, she spies where Rhonda has been hiding Bethany’s book of drawings, and steals it — presumably before it can be burned to a crisp by Rhonda’s farts.
Q: so what’s in the book?
A: my husband walked in while the TV was paused on one of the images, and said, “you’re watching something scary.” The illustrations are first benign but then quickly devolve into images of Mrs. D with horns, or with her eyes gouged out. While flipping through the book, Spencer also find a depiction of a drawing of a woman falling so they wonder if Bethany was the one on Radley’s roof with Toby’s mom on the night she jumped/was pushed. But the person falling is young, with big boobs and oversized lips, and frankly looks exactly like Cindy.
Q: you mean Sydney?
A: whatever. The point is that either Sindney also has a connection to Bethany, or the show just can’t waste any opportunity to depict a hot girl, unless of course you’re Big Rhonda.
Q: so what do Spencer and Aria make of all this?
A: they wonder if Bethany left Radley to find Mrs. D, but met someone with a shovel instead. Aria thinks that shoveler was “A”. I doubt it. I think it was whoever killed Eddie Lamb.
Q: what?
A: the Radley employee and Spencer sympathizer set a meeting with Ezra, but never showed up. The title of this episode must be a spoiler for next episode.
Q: so what’s Sindney’s scheme?
A: she finds Hanna at the Brew, wasted, and convinces her to hang and sober up before going home. Meanwhile, she asks leading questions about Jenna and Ali, and Hanna drunkenly mentions New York and also Shana. Then Sindney jets right as Caleb is arriving to buy three brownies.
Q: why? Ghosts don’t eat.
A: exactly. It could be a cover. He still hasn’t explained what happened while he was in Ravenswood, saying only that he’s now a changed person (i.e. dead), and that he learned stuff about his parents (i.e. they came on the Mayflower). And then Hanna says she doesn’t care who he is, and wants him back, and kisses him. Her lips did not move through his, so we’ll see.
Q: so things really worked out for Hanna, huh?
A: no. “A” sends a text to everyone but her, that reads “New York New York, it’s a hell of a town. Ali’s keeping secrets, but maybe that’s because of Hanna’s big mouth.”
Q: what? That makes no sense.
A: I agree, but also, a second ago, you were onboard with Caleb being a ghost.
What else? Ezra says the book he actually wanted to write is one about his family. Emily’s mom tells her that the police think Ali’s kidnapping story has some problems. Spencer borrows a spy camera from Ezra so she can watch Melissa, because Melissa had a dead rat in a trash bag, which makes Spencer think Melissa planted the same in Paige’s locker; but then, instead, Spencer’s spy equipment catches Ali sneaking around in the night in a skullcap. And, finally, when Emily says her mom is making popovers, she adds “you know what that means,” but in fact never explains what that means.
Q: maybe Emily’s mom is also a ghost?
A: and maybe Sindney is deaf.
