Real and fake TV worlds collide as Amanda and Daniel sit down with Juju Chang on "Revenge."
It’s been awhile since we’ve checked in with Amanda and co., so I guess it makes sense that we open with a naked Amanda clearing fog off the shower mirror—just to give us a little taste of what we’ve all been missing— pontificating on identity. She and Daniel are back together, but when we first see the two of them she’s uncomfortable—she wants to be there when Nolan gets released from jail (he’s being held in connection with Padma’s death).
Victoria gives Conrad the “proof” that she terminated her first pregnancy (but why does she announce it to the world, I wonder? Not very wise, considering all the secrets in this town, I think. HERE YOU GO CONRAD, HERE’S THE PAPERWORK THAT SHOWS I TERMINATED MY PREGNANCY. I digress). Conrad wants her to go on the record about this on TV with him tonight, but she’s not in favor of that idea. Amanda overhears the whole thing, because she has a knack for that.
Ashley swings by la casa del Jack and brings Conrad’s meeting schedule. It’s packed, but Ashley surmises all those meetings are smoke screens for something else.
Nolan gets released from jail and Amanda wants to help him take down the Falcon, who got him in his mess in the first place. Nolan doesn’t think he’s up to the challenge, but Amanda thinks he can take Falcon down. They hatch a plan to play on the Falcon’s ego. See, Amanda knows the Falcon hid Victoria’s adoption records, even changing the hospital’s medical records so no one would ever find out. But if someone DID find out, the Falcon would hear it from Victoria. And when that conversation happens, Nolan can use his prowess to track who the Falcon is. Sure enough,Victoria takes the bait, contacting Falcon once she gets a shady email containing the medical records she gave to Conrad, except with the word "Forgery" printed all over them. Someone out there knows the truth! In this scene we also get a flashback to Victoria taking care of her baby, who we learn is named Patrick. She’s at a park, and some dean from the art school she dreams of going to introduces himself. More on this later.
Amanda visits Jack, who’s not too happy to see her. Ashley’s there too, which doesn’t make things better. Back in rich kid territory, Declan and Charlotte are back together, and it’s college recruitment day at their school. Declan needs some help with his admissions essay, and Charlotte says she’ll come over that night to help. But one queen bee at school, Regina, has other plans. This is the girl, you may recall, that Charlotte punched at the masquerade, so at first she’s not happy to see her, but then, Regina spills a secret—her own brother committed suicide—to get her on her good side. It works. They’re besties. They blow off school for coffee (because what cool 16-year-old doesn’t?) and Regina invites her out for a clubby night on the town. “But I’m supposed to help Declan with his essay, what to do, what to do?” Charlotte thinks to herself in despair. I think you can all guess what she chooses to do.
Nolan’s moping around the house when the Falcon reaches out. She took the bait about the forged document. Now she and Nolan are gonna have a duel. It’s pretty laughable. We’ll get there.
Welcome back Takeda! He’s meeting with Daniel because Daniel doesn’t trust Aidan and wants to go through Takeda’s old files on him. Just then, Aidan enters, and Takeda and he communicate in Japanese that they need to speak right away. Aidan hustles Takeda out for a drink.
Ah, finally, now it’s time we meet…the Falcon? OK really? A Harijuku girl by the name of…Edith? Highly underwhelming to introduce a new character this late in the game, “Revenge” writers. I was mulling over the possibilities of who this shady Falcon character could be—what if it was an amazing twist, like Jack? Nope, way to cop out, writers. Another reason why Season 1 was so much better. ANYWAYS. She doesn’t want to help Nolan scrub some incriminating data from his zip drive, since the cops are still all over him for Padma's murder. So they’ll duel it out. In a video game. At the arcade. Because they’re 6. What the hell is this? Also, I knew Nolan was kinda nerdy, but I never thought he was a weird dude who still plays arcade games. So they duel it out, like children, and Nolan gets really into it. Like, really. His grunts and explosive victory finish made me wonder if that’s what he’s like in bed. Am I the only one?
Meanwhile, Jack spies Conrad on a secret meeting with a woman, and when he sends a pic to Ashley she identifies her as the governor’s wife. What are they doing together? Jack doesn’t suspect it’s an affair. So what do they need from each other? Ashley, no longer part of Conrad's posse, says if she could worm her way back in, she could find out. That operation is a go.
Charlotte's about to leave for her night on the town but is stopped by Victoria. She's trying to head out before Conrad nabs her for that upcoming interview. Victoria says it's fine, Conrad's not even there, but surprise! He is, in fact, and with a camera crew in tow. Victoria is mortified but of course won't show it to the cameras.
Aidan meets with Takeda and basically calls him out on his plan. He wants to be finished with this whole thing (we’re with you, Aidan), but Takeda just keeps spewing nonsense about emotions getting in the way of his success and yada yada yada. Takeda doesn't like that Amanda is losing focus on her plot.
Edith the Falcon reassures Victoria that no one knows she really had that baby after all. We see another flashback of her getting accepted to that art school, but there’s only one plane ticket to Paris, not enough for Patrick to join her, tres triste! The dean dude is totally NOT understanding, even encouraging her to give up her kid for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So she follows his lead and gives up poor baby Patrick.
Because this is ABC and there are network tie-ins whenever possible, it’s time for the Graysons to sit down for a “Nightline” interview with Juju Chang (what, Barbara Walters wasn’t available?) about the campaign. Amanda stuns everyone when she says she’ll accompany Daniel during his portion. During the interview, Juju asks Amanda if she’s gonna marry Daniel, and she's caught by surprise but says there’d be no greater honor than the join the Grayson family. Barf. Also apparently about to barf is Jack, who is so disgusted that he rescinds his appointment of Amanda as Carl’s godmother when Amanda tries to explain herself later that night.
Elsewhere, poor Declan is struggling with his essay, and Charlotte’s nowhere in site. Oh no, she forgot to call him and cancel their plans. When she finally does, she lies and says she has to stay home for the interview. But instead she’s making out with Regina in front of paparazzi cameras.
Back at the interview, Juju confronts Conrad and Vicky about that forgotten son. Conrad tries to explain that Victoria had an abortion, but Victoria comes clean, much to everyone’s horror. Elsewhere, Nolan proved himself capable of outsmarting the Falcon by somehow getting access to her computer and all her history. “I know about you, Edith,” he tells her, right before she’s pulled away by the FBI. “You messed with the wrong person,” she cries. Turns out she was originally a consultant for Grayson Global, and when the Graysons needed someone to turn to for fake evidence they went to her. No episode that ruined someone’s life would be complete without crossing out someone’s face in red ink, but since it’s Nolan’s turn things get digital: He uses his finger to cross out little Edith, who Amanda always assumed was a Grayson employee’s daughter. (Sidenote: Seriously, Amanda? You of all people should know better than make those kind of assumptions.)
Daniel comes by Amanda’s house, and he wants to DTR (define the relationship, if you weren’t sure). He kind of proposes again? He gives her back her engagement ring and says he’ll leave it up to her if she wants to wear it again. If she does, he’ll know that they’re together again for good.
Meanwhile: Declan sees the video of Charlotte and Regina, Jack says he’s done with “Emily” and will use Ashley to his advantage, and Ashley returns to Conrad to further play him and get more details, all under the guise of trying to help.
Victoria shows up to Nolan’s office. She’ll give him his post as sole owner of Nolcorp back if he helps her find her son. Aidan asks Amanda what the endgame of all this scheming is, and she says that when it’s all over they can be together. So Aidan tells her to get a move on, marry Daniel if she must (to keep up appearances), and then take them down once and for all. They embrace and it’s all very romantic.
But I will quote my boyfriend, who, poor thing, reluctantly watches this melodrama on a weekly basis with me. “Why can’t she just be done with it already?” he asked me tonight. “I mean, it seems like a huge waste of time.” Yes, babe, I would agree. When are we going to get a point where Amanda is ever satisfied? The Graysons are pretty much ruined. Girl needs to just find a good therapist, talk it out and get on with her life. What more does she need? Let me know what you think, below!