Madonna blasts from the PA system in the Somerville Theatre and, as the lights go down, host Mehran Khaghani announces that this Sunday night performance of “The Slutcracker — a Burlesque” just so happens to be their 75th. This crowd, he observes, “isn't afraid of Monday morning.” They certainly were not — they were hooting, hollering and taking in plenty of T&A in Babes in Boinkland director Vanessa White's freakishly fun spin on the classic “Nutcracker.”
If you’ve never been, you’re in for some fun as you watch a grown Clara (Fanny Fawndew) explore her sexuality before committing to a wedding engagement.
In Act I, Drosselmeyer (UnAmerika’s Sweetheart Karin Web) presents Clara with the Slutcracker Prince (Oliver Tryst), a life-size, pink-sequined vibrator that has come to life.
Soon enough, the audience marvels as Team Bad Xmas Sweater (the "Slutcracker" version of the ballet's army of mice from the battle scene), led by Clara's intended husband Fritz (Paolo Mania), battle the Slutcracker Prince for Clara's heart (and loins). The Prince has a motley army of batteries (Kid Vicious and Joy Ryden), the Slutcracker Bunny (Femme Brulée) and randy old Drosselmeyer supporting him from behind (pun intended). It all ends with an orgasmic bang — the feint of heart might be embarrassed but secretly, or not so secretly, they'll love it!
Act II includes all kinds of provocative, sexual antics featuring Russian dominatrixes in leather bondage (Ginger Slap, Dinah DeVille, Peaches Dupree); the erotic Dance of the Reed Pole (with Sindy Katrotic); and the always entertaining Polichinelle (this involves a troupe of sexually ambiguous clowns with, well, clownish, sex organs — trust us, you'll have to see it to understand it). The Gimp (Willly Dumey) plays a bigger comedic role this season as he clears the stage of bras and panties left after each new scene.
If you’re looking for professional technical ballet, head back across the river to the Opera House. But, if you're feeling frisky, relocate the office party after-party to the Somerville Theatre for a slutastic time. (And pick up some exclusive “Slutcracker” pasties for the grab bag at your next naughty Christmas party!)
Note: This is not a kids' show. So, if you absolutely cannot find a babysitter just make sure your baby is young enough not to remember and be scarred for life.
If you go
“The Slutcracker — a Burlesque” Through Dec. 31 Somerville Theater 55 Davis Square, Somerville $25, 617-625-4088 theslutcracker.com