One of the most popular New Year’s resolutions is to make a romantic connection with someone.
Often resolutions are executed with force. There are goals set and metrics to be met. But when it comes to love, that doesn’t work. You’re not trying to lose weight — you’re looking for a partner. This resolution is unlike the others.
Here’s how to approach finding love in the new year:
Don’t set a deadline. One of the ways that people use “force” is by setting a timeline. It could be a goal you say out loud, or perhaps something you’ve just day dreamed about like, “I want to meet someone by my birthday.” But either way, the timeline is set. What happens is the closer you get to the deadline, the more anxious you feel. And when you’re anxious about love, your behaviors change and it curbs your potential. For example, you may get clingier or try to speed up the pace of a relationship — leaving your date more likely to bail. Remember that love can’t be scheduled. The only thing in your control are the actions you take and connections you create.
Create consistency. After helping hundreds of people find love the one thing I’ve found that will help you meet the right person is consistency in your actions. For example: Message 10 new people a week, or swipe for 15 minutes per day. Often, we are so passionate about our resolution that we burn out on it in one or two months. So make it sustainable — something you won’t have to give up on part way through the year if you haven’t met someone yet. Consistency in your actions creates consistency in your dates. And all of that energy turns into momentum towards meeting the One.
Revisit your “why.” Many resolutions lose steam when we lose touch with why it was important to us in January. So ask yourself now: Why is this something you chose? Check-in with yourself throughout the year so you don’t end up setting this same intention come 2018.
Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder of eFlirt, an online dating concierge service, and the best-selling author of "Love @ First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating."