Martha Stewart is getting the “Mommie Dearest” treatment from daughter Alexis Stewart in a new memoir, “Whateverland: Learning to Live Here,” which will be released later this month. “Martha does everything better! You can’t win!” Alexis writes in the book, according to the Daily Mail. “If I didn’t do something perfectly, I had to do it again. I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head.” Alexis also makes some startling revelations about the domestic diva’s hygiene, revealing in the book that Martha “always peed with the door open.” “I remember saying, ‘You know, now I have friends over! You can’t do that anymore! It’s gotta stop! My friends’ parents don’t do it! Give me a break here! I don’t feel like being embarrassed! It’s exhausting! I’m a kid! Stop!’”
Oh my, it must have been so hard for you, Alexis. Can you imagine? What it must have been like growing up fabulously wealthy, never wanting for a single thing, but sometimes having to witness your mother (whose fortune you seem to happily feed off of, even at the age of 46) going to the bathroom with the door open?
Really, you should get Jaycee Lee Dugard on the phone to compare notes on your awful childhoods.
Russell Brand needs to work on his jokes
British comedian Russell Brand had to cancel a sold-out show in Canada after customs officials wouldn’t allow him entry into the country, he wrote on Twitter. “Tonight’s Casino Rama show postponed. I’m sorry. I can’t enter Canada,” he announced. “We must abolish the borders between our nations and our minds.” Earlier this year, Brand was deported from Japan because of his criminal record.
But, hey! It was just a prank. As it turns out, ol’ Brand just had a problem with his private plane.
(Don’t you hate it when that happens?) “Ok all, let’s be clear, @rustyrockets is still in Cali, he never left, he has no immigration or border issue, it was a tech issue with plane!” Casino Rama announced on its own Twitter account.
We’re sure the thousands of Canadian fans left hanging found his humor (or is it just a straight-out lie?) hilarious.