After months of rumors that their 14-year relationship was over, Johnny
Depp and Vanessa Paradis have officially announced their separation.

The couple “have amicably separated,” Depp’s publicist confirmed in a
statement released yesterday, which ended with our own personal
kryptonite: “Please respect their privacy and, more importantly, the
privacy of their children.”

Well played, publicist. Unfortunately, we have a job to do here, so
we’ll start being respectable people with functioning souls tomorrow.

For now, we should point out that it’s been impossible to find a photo
of Depp and Paradis together for at least a year, and things reportedly
began to end when they left a low-key life in France for Los Angeles.

Lately, Depp has been linked to everyone from Ashley Olsen (the extra
blonde one, we think) to his “Rum Diary” costar Amber Heard, who tends
to date women but was spotted lurking around the set of his new film, “Dark Shadows.”

As for gossip output, we like the odds on both of these ladies — but as
long as he’s in L.A., our vote is to go big with Lindsay. (Tomorrow,
universe — we promise!)

Oh no he didn’t

Some of Channing Tatum’s former stripper colleagues aren’t amused that he turned his past gig into a new film, “Magic Mike.”

Two dancers he used to work with, Thomas “Awesome” Austin and London Steele, have uploaded videos to YouTube complaining that the actor stole some of their best moves, including the “hot seat.”

“[Tatum] looks like ‘the man’ now, but trust me, he wasn’t ‘the man’ then,” Austin says. “He was 18 years old and wore white athletic socks on stage.”

Austin also isn’t happy about the actor casted to portray what he assumes is a character based on himself.

“Matthew McConaughey dressed up as a cowboy? Anyone who knows anything about male dancing knows that that character is me,” he says.

Who are these people who know things about “male dancing”? We have some questions about hot seats.

Tyson talks veganism

We feel for Ann Curry. When she asked Mike Tyson about his vegan diet on the “Today” show yesterday morning, she was probably hoping to get back into territory she was comfortable with (as in, summer grilling segments).

Instead, this is the reason Tyson gave for giving up animal products: “There’s too many prison cells, jails, lawsuits, bankruptcies, women, venereal diseases, too many everything. I got tired of … every time a prostitute girlfriend came back from a trip I had to sleep with them.”

Do Quorn burgers really curb prostitute cravings? Screw it — we’re not eating that stuff.