I’m going to send you into the weekend with two bits of depressing information. 1. Snooki is a New York Times best-seller for this year’s magnum opus, “A Shore Thing.” 2. She has yet another book out called “Confessions of a Guidette,” which promises to help you join the “Snooki Style Revolution.” (Considering she looks like a bad witch crossed with an Oompa-Loompa, this is one revolution I will not be signing up for.) So for your reading pleasure, here are some outtakes from this new work of art, which Snooki is currently promoting:
“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”
“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”
“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”
“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”
If I’m stuck in a cardboard box, I’d probably yell for help instead of trying to Vogue. But then again, I’m not a best-selling author, so what do I know?
Willis takes on fatherhood, Kutcher
Bruce Willis and his wife, Emma Heming, are reportedly expecting their first child together, according to Life & Style. “Emma is showing,” a source says. The pair married in 2009.
Unfortunately, Willis’ celebration may be tempered by the personal troubles of his ex-wife, Demi Moore, caused by Ashton Kutcher’s cheating scandal. “When Bruce found out [about Kutcher], he flipped. He plans to confront Ashton and give him a huge talking-to,” the source says. “He trusted Ashton not to hurt his family and is planning to give him a piece of his mind. When he finally catches up with him, it won’t be pretty.”
Everything is not coming up Lohan
While Lindsay Lohan has insisted her million-dollar debut in Playboy magazine will be “tastefully done” (ed. note: ha!), sources tell TMZ that the publication got its money’s worth, as the troubled actress reportedly agreed to bare all. The release date for Lohan’s Playboy issue hasn’t been announced, but she just wrapped four days of photo shoots for the magazine — and reportedly let little sister Ali Lohan, 17, tag along for the gig. It is important for big sisters to teach their little sisters how to make it in this world, after all.
But the eldest Lohan is practically a saint next to the girls’ father, Michael Lohan. Less than 12 hours after posting bail and getting out of jail on Wednesday, he was back in the slammer, according to TMZ. Almost immediately after being released from his domestic violence arrest earlier this week, Lohan reportedly made threatening phone calls to ex-girlfriend Kate Major — while police were present in her home. And when cops busted Lohan at his hotel later that day, he attempted to escape by jumping off a third-story balcony. Instead, he landed in a tree.
In between arrests, Lohan made his case. “I did not hurt her,” Lohan said of the initial domestic violence charges. “This is the way she makes money. She has me arrested and she sells the stories.”