What’s the saying — you can’t have your cake, and eat it too?
Or in the case of University of Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino, you can’t have an affair with a 25-year-old volleyball player, hire her to your staff, give her $20,000, go on a motorcycle joy ride with her, crash, break some ribs, lie about being alone on the bike to cover up the affair, and get away with it.
(Sigh) It’s getting harder and harder to be an entitled, overpaid college football coach.
The ye olde saga of 51-year-old coach Bobby Petrino began when the married father of four started an affair with 25-year-old Jessica Dorrell, a former volleyball player for the Razorbacks. The two carried on for quite some time, according to Arkansas athletic director Jeff Long. At one point, Dorrell accepted a gift of $20,000 from her sugar daddy, and later she was hired to his staff (she needed that job, a measly 20K here and there ain’t gonna pay the bills!).
The secret romance came to a screeching halt when the two took a cruise together on a motorcycle — and crashed. Petrino lied repeatedly and said he was alone on the bike in an effort to cover up his affair with Dorrell. Unfortunately for these two lovers, the truth came out — it always does.
“He made the decision, a conscious decision, to mislead the public on Tuesday, and in doing so negatively and adversely affected the reputation of the University of Arkansas and our football program,” Long said in an emotional announcement, as reported by ESPN. “In short, coach Petrino engaged in a pattern of misleading and manipulative behavior designed to deceive me and members of the athletic staff, both before and after the motorcycle accident.”
So Petrino lost his job, his multimillion dollar contract, his dignity, and possibly his marriage. What did he have to say for himself? 
“The simplest response I have is: I’m sorry. These two words seem very inadequate,” Petrino said.
Understatement of the year, coach.
