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Self-help guru warns against ‘tabloid’ love – Metro US

Self-help guru warns against ‘tabloid’ love

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Actress Renee Zellweger and country singer Kenny Chesney had a marriage that was brief even by celebrity standards.

Everyone deserves a life of love and loving, according to self-help guru Susan Jeffers, and I couldn’t agree more.

We date, fall in love, break up, date some more, fall in love again, marry. Some people divorce, get right back into dating, fall in love yet again, and even remarry.

And we do it all in our own time, under the radar. Celebrities, however, can barely go out for dinner without the whole world knowing and passing judgement on the match.

Admittedly, I’m one of those voyeurs who enjoys the gossip mags for their entertainment value. But these are real people we’re poking fun at, with real feelings. And although we covet their bank statements and luxe lifestyles, we could all learn something from their unhealthy relationships.

Jeffers calls it Tabloid Love: it’s sudden, sexy, super-hot, and short-lived. “Tabloid Love, or what I call Enchanted Love, is often mistaken for Real Love, at least by the celebrities who experience it,” she writes.

“It’s too bad so many of them can’t figure out that it’s a guarantee that the initial attraction will wear off. It’s too bad so many of us can’t figure it out either.”

It happens to the best of us when the passion diminishes and daily life creeps into a relationship, which can leave the participants dissatisfied, resentful and even angry. That’s when the real work begins.

But some people give in quickly, needing the high of romance and passion — or at least believing they do — and so they give up their old relationship for something new.

Unfortunately, these people are heading down the never-ending road of dissatisfaction, becoming serial passion-seekers and never finding meaningful, lifelong love.

Jeffers’ latest book, The Feel The Fear Guide To Lasting Love, discusses why it’s so hard to find lasting love. She says to put down the magnifying glass, stop pointing a finger at anyone and everyone else, and pick up the mirror. Take a look at yourself and take responsibility for your actions and reactions. She believes that one person can change the relationship — and not by changing his or her partner.

Jeffers suggests that we need to re-evaluate why we have relationships. Besides the practical purpose of having someone with whom to share your life, there should be a higher purpose of learning how to become a more loving person. If partners regard their problems (whether related to money, sex, children or work) as learning experiences, they’ll grow, become stronger, enhance problem solving skills and creativity, and ultimately become better people with a more solid relationship.

relating@metronews.ca