I, apparently, am a pantywaist — that insult reserved by bellicose hockey fans for those of us who dare suggest that the NHL should be less violent than a game of Grand Theft Auto 3.
They say pantywaist because they know they can’t call us female genitalia, though they’d like to, so they pick something that sounds like it’s in the same general vicinity.
Let me say in reply: What a bunch of boxer-briefs.
I like hockey, I like hitting, I had great fun watching earlier this year when Boston and Dallas had three fights in the first six seconds.
But I’m getting pretty tired of watching concussed players flop to the ice like they’re Muppets and Frank Oz is at lunch. And I’m even more tired that it’s still up for debate on television. In newspapers, the case is closed: Accidental and malicious hits alike are threatening to kill someone.
But on TV, there’s always somebody – Don Cherry and Craig MacTavish come immediately to mind – who make it sound like anybody who questions all but the most objectionable hits is threatening to turn the game into the Royal Winnipeg Ballet (Royal Phoenix Ballet after 1996).
The Bill Masterton Trophy – named after the only player who ever died because of an NHL game – does not need another namesake. Masterton wasn’t wearing a helmet when he cracked his head on the ice. Wearing one was considered a sign of weakness. And it took a couple of decades before everybody was namby-pamby enough to wear one.
The caveman culture – sorry, “The Code” – is hard to break.
That’s why it’s especially ridiculous when TV commentators resistant to change bark that “I played/coached/know the game!” The NHL game is played by about 700 players. It’s watched by millions. The game isn’t for them. It’s for us.
And being a backseat driver is perfectly acceptable when the car is going the wrong way down the highway.
A big debate needs to happen at the league level, but for now the NHL should multiply all its typical suspensions by about 10. The league will be the last to come around, but the discussion already appears to be changing, even on TV.
Two years ago, TSN’s Bob McKenzie – he never played the game! – seemed like the only prominent hockey voice who thought hockey violence should be dealt with. Now even former Boston Bruin Mike Milbury – who once beat a fan with a shoe – is wondering if the league is handling the rules around head shots properly.
What a pantywaist.
