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Strive to be equals

Spring cleaning isn’t just aimed at your garage or basement — it’s timeto think about your love life and how you can freshen it up.


Spring cleaning isn’t just aimed at your garage or basement — it’s time to think about your love life and how you can freshen it up.

Whether in a long-term relationship, beginning a romance or looking for love, it’s important to open your mind, try new strategies and spice up your life. Everyone knows that chemistry brings two people together, and though I’m sure bringing new moves to the bedroom will help spark renewed interest, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

What’s the glue that can sustain a long and healthy relationship? A meaningful connection — laughter, mutual respect and admiration, plus friendship. Finding those feelings toward the right person, or renewing them in your present partner, can be achieved ... if you’re willing to make some changes in yourself.

Here’s what I mean: We’ve all been hurt before. It comes with the territory of finding love. But if you let that old pain burn a fire in your heart, it will prevent you from ever being able to truly love again.

Let go of old hurts. If you’re dating someone new after a painful break-up, don’t immediately tell the new person all the disastrous details of your last relationship. Once you’ve gotten to know each other better, open up and share — then let it go. This new person isn’t the one who hurt you, so don’t punish him or her.

And if you have decided to forgive something your present partner did, and move on within the relationship, then do just that. Stay true to your decision and don’t bring up the negative past in new arguments. If you can’t get past it, either seek counselling or you may have to look for love elsewhere.

It’s easy to get caught up in the treadmill of life — family obligations, work obligations, children and their activities. Try jumping off and do something out of the ordinary — for you. That doesn’t have to mean taking your partner bungee jumping, just do something that you never get to do. And if you’re single, this can be a great way to meet a whole new group of singles.

Try to be more of an equal partner. Even if you’ve been married for years, try to switch up the “duties” that have somehow fallen into your jurisdiction. For example, ladies, get out and mow the lawn, or clean out the fish tank; and men, plan an evening out with your wife, or offer to make dinner for the family on a weekday, including doing the shopping. You’ll appreciate each other all the more when you step into his/her shoes, even just for an hour or two.

And if you’re dating, ladies, offer to pay one night. Even if he won’t let you, he’ll appreciate the gesture. Guys, make a little more effort with your appearance, choose a chick flick instead of an action movie, show an interest in her interests.

Love isn’t meant to be static, so remember: Change is part of what keeps it all interesting.

Lisi Tesher is a much travelled freelance writer who has studied art history, photography, languages and pop culture. She is also a constant and fascinated student of relationships, maintaining contact with a worldwide network.

 
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