In response to New York City's controversial stop-and-frisk program, The Onion has released a news report about a more offensive practice: stop-and-kiss.
"They pushed me against the wall and started nibbling on my ear," says one man. "It's humiliating."
Police officers are stopping people every day, questioning them and giving them a kiss, according to the report. Many argue that the practice unfairly targets blacks and Latinos.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg defended the practice, saying: "This program helps keep New Yorkers safe. If someone is suspected of a crime, officers should be allowed to question them and leave them with a small and reasonable kiss on the mouth."