‘The Dark Knight Rises’ trailer leaks, of course, so here’s a fan-made one (UPDATED)

I see ... my mother?

As trailers for highly anticipated films are wont to do, the first teaser for “The Dark Knight” rises leaked last night after playing in front of the final “Harry Potter” film. It just got taken down, but apparently the bootlegs were terrible! However, we found another version, that looks to be different and longer. (UPDATE: Aaaaannnd it’s different because it’s a fan-made trailer, not a real one. So, if you want to read our thoughts on an unofficial fake trailer, they are below! In the mean time, we wholeheartedly apologize. We’re looking for the real bootleg now.)

Below, our thoughts:

–Man, Christopher Nolan loves the “introduce a villain by having him speak cryptically off-camera” think, doesn’t he? We’re not 100% sure, but we think that’s Tom “The Only good thing about ‘Inception’” Hardy as Bane.

–The plot, as far as we can tell: Bane is on the loose, causing chaos and being manipulated by some dude who is “methodical, exacting and most of all, patient.” Batman tries to help, but in the wake of “The Dark Knight,” public opinion is against him! He teams up with Catwoman — but can he trust her in his life … and in his bed?

–Matthew Modine has really aged into being a Robin Williams clone, hasn’t he?

–Similarly, is there a bigger actor-director mismatch, tonally, than Anne Hathaway and Christopher Nolan? Hathaway is bright and breezy smiles, Nolan is grim, gray brooding dudes. But we’re not complaining: After seeing what Nolan did with the kid from “3rd Rock,” we trust in his powers.

–Does Batman have any lines in this trailer? (OK, he actually has three.) But doesn’t it always seem like Batman never had any lines in these Nolan films? Can you remember a single thing he’s said in either of them?

–Finally, if you can decipher that weird scream at the end, we’ll give a Metrobuck. (Note: Metrobucks are not a real thing.)


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