Ivanka Trump’s baby: Will it rule the world (or just New York?)

The happy parents.

Good news, political handicappers for the 2052 Presidential election: You’ve just got your front-runner!

Donald Trump’s genetically-blessed daughter Ivanka and her equally-genetically-blessed husband Jared Kushner welcomed a baby this morning! According to a tweet from mom, little Arabella Rose is “beyond adorable” — for now. In the future, she probably will end up as our genetically superior overlord.

Because celebrity babies are basically the same thing as racehorses, let’s take a look at Arabella’s bloodlines, and see what skills she inherits from her forebears that will allow her to rule us all some day (probably.)

Maternal grandpa:
Donald Trump
Skills inherited: Self-promotion, branding, ease in front of cameras (television), reality-show experience (hosting), perseverance in the face of conventional hair-styling wisdom, money-inheriting acumen

Maternal grandma:
Ivana Trump
Skills inherited: Ease in front of cameras (fashion), interior design, reality-show experience (competing), skiing at an Olympic level

Mother:
Ivanka Trump
Skills inherited: Reality-show experience (sidekick role), ease in front of cameras (“Gossip Girl”-edition), jewelry industry knowledge, clothes-wearing acumen, high cheekbones

Paternal grandpa: Charles Kushner
Skills inherited: Real-estate acumen, philanthropic connections, firsthand knowledge of campaign-finance law, ruthlessness

Paternal grandma:
Seryl Kushner
Skills inherited: Common touch, loyalty

Father: Jared Kushner
Skills inherited: Suit-wearing acumen, familiarity with media world, perseverance in the face of conventional newspaper-coloring wisdom

So there you have it: A ruthless, intensely loyal baby with all the worlds of media, finance and politics aligned behind it. To quote a fictional mogul, in 40 years we will all either be working for Arabella Kushner, or dead by her hand.



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
Local

Brooklyn man charged in roommate's stabbing death

A Brooklyn man accused of violently stabbing his roommate to death on Monday is in police custody and faces murder charges.

International

Dinosaurs could have survived asteroid strike

It turns out there is a good and a bad time for the planet to be hit by a meteor, and dinosaurs were just unlucky.…

National

OkCupid admits to Facebook-style experimenting on customers

By Sarah McBrideSAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - OkCupid, a top U.S. matchmaking website, intentionally mismatched users to test its technology, the IAC/InterActive Corp service said on…

Local

MTA fares still increasing 4 percent in newly…

The agency said the 4 percent increases, previously announced in December, will remain steady even as the MTA deals with increasing labor costs.

Movies

Interview: Brendan Gleeson on the way 'Calvary' depicts…

Brendan Gleeson talks about how his new film "Calvary" began over drinks and how his character here is the opposite of the lead in "The Guard."

Movies

'Get on Up' producer Mick Jagger on the…

Mick Jagger, a producer on the James Brown biopic "Get on Up," talks about the time had to tell the singer some bad news and his favorite JB record.

Television

'Glee' star Lea Michele to appear on 'Sons…

"Glee" star Lea Michele has been confirmed as a guest star in the final season of "Sons of Anarchy."

Television

TV watch list, Monday, July 28: 'The Bachelorette'…

See Andi Dorfman make her big choice on tonight's 'Bachelorette' finale.

MLB

Angelo Cataldi: Ryan Howard deserves better from Phillies

Just last week, Ryan Howard endured the embarrassment of a benching that was inevitable, and yet still shocking.

NFL

Larry Donnell has inside track in Giants tight…

Little-known Larry Donnell of Grambling State currently has the inside track, as the second-year player has received the bulk of the first-team reps.

NFL

Computer to Jets: Start Michael Vick over Geno…

Jets general manager John Idzik says the choice of who starts between second-year quarterback Geno Smith and veteran Michael Vick will be a “Jets decision.”

MLB

Yankees looking to trade for Josh Willingham: Report

CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman reported Sunday the Yankees are interested in Twins outfielder Josh Willingham.

Travel

Glasgow: Hey, hey, the gangs aren't here

This European city has done a good job getting rid of its more violent residents and revitalizing with artists.

Education

Babson College tops list of best colleges for…

Money magazine has just released its inaugural list of "The Best Colleges for Your Money" -- and the answers have surprised many. Babson College, which…

Education

NYC teens learn how to develop apps during…

Through a program sponsored by CampInteractive, the high schoolers designed their own community-focused apps.

Tech

The Ministry of Silly Walks app is both…

Monty Python have dug into their back catalogue for cash-ins once more, but with the Ministry of Silly Walks app, they've made something that's fun too.