Lana del Rey album review: Bored to death of ‘Born to Die’?

Baby, we were booooooorn to diiiiiiiiieee!

Lana Del Rey’s long-awaited debut, “Born to Die” leaked today. Since we don’t want to implicate any employees who may have illegally downloaded the album, we have chosen to mask the identities of two who listened to it together while sending instant messages to one another. Enjoy!

MUSIC NERD 1: OK i just clicked start

MUSIC NERD 2: Weird how the first four songs are the ones that already came out

MUSIC NERD 1: Off to the races was already out?
I wonder if this is the final order though

MUSIC NERD 2: Right.
How did you know she quoted Nabokov, as you said earlier while mine was downloading? Is it just that there’s a song called “Lolita”?
Or did you rush ahead and listen to a little of each tune?

MUSIC NERD 1: No, in another song she sings “Light of my life, Fire of my Loins”
I listened to the snippet of one of them
Maybe it was diet mountain dew?
Or off to the races
I hope “Born to Die,” (the song) isn’t really the album opener
It seems like it would be a perfect final song

MUSIC NERD 2: Yeah, I agree
The only thing i don’t like about the title track is that she sounds like she’s rushing when she says that “and the road gets tough I don’t know why” line
She loves using that distorted dude who goes “woah”

MUSIC NERD 1:
Can I also add quickly that sometimes her cadences in Off to the Races remind me of Blu Cantrell’s Hit Em Up Style
I noticed the Woah too!

MUSIC NERD 2: Ha! She does Hit ‘em Up style!

MUSIC NERD 1: Wait she covers it?

MUSIC NERD 2: No, no
Just that you really nailed that

MUSIC NERD 1: Oh thanks!

MUSIC NERD 2: This “Off to the Races” tune is cool. I don’t think I’ve heard it before.

MUSIC NERD 1: The narration in the verses is a bit much though. and the girly hiccups in the chorus… Barf
I mean she sounds like the caricature that she’s always making herself out to be

MUSIC NERD 2: I think she likes using a bunch of different voices to be different characters

MUSIC NERD 1: Like Nicki Minaj!
Are you on the next song?

MUSIC NERD 2: Blue Jeans
yeah
Blu (Cantrell) Jeans

MUSIC NERD 1: Hahah
I think more often than not, she opens her songs by singing the song title
I’m getting more of an Evanescence feel here
You think it’s bad if we admit we have a leaked copy?

MUSIC NERD 2: Nah. The world probably has a leaked copy.
This sounds like a different version of Blue Jeans, but maybe that’s because I never listened to this one as much as “Video Games.”
In this one I want her to go into the “Deny ya may-kah” part of that Alice in Chains song, Man in the Box or that whispered part that I never understood the words of in Wicked Game by Chris Isaak. The part is right after the “I will love you ‘til the end of time” part. Does that make sense?

MUSIC NERD 1: I can’t remember that song
I can’t stop the flow of the LDR!
Maybe while video games is on

MUSIC NERD 2: Nah. Don’t stop it. Not really worth it.

MUSIC NERD 1: I will at least say this recording of Video Games is more of a pleasure to hear after seeing that live SNL performance over and over
When she sang it on TV, it seemed lower and all the words were stuck in the back of her throat

MUSIC NERD 2:  Yeah, i think she definitely did sing well when she recorded it.
OK, here we go, “Diet Mtn Dew.”
I think it’s funny when artists title a song after a product, but have to change the spelling so it’s not an infringement of copyright.

MUSIC NERD 1: Yeah I mean, I really appreciate her invoking a gross carbonated beverage
that makes me respect her more

MUSIC NERD 2: Are you anti-carbonated beverages?
Or just anti-Diet Mountain Dew?

MUSIC NERD 1: No I’m not being sarcastic
 
Ido think it’s cool she’s talking about something unattractive

MUSIC NERD 2: So Orange Fingers™ doesn’t do soda?

MUSIC NERD 1: Of course, if she was caught drinking it, she would probably make it look supersexy or whatever

MUSIC NERD 2: With a crazy straw

MUSIC NERD 1: No, Orange Fingers loves soda

MUSIC NERD 2: Oh OK

MUSIC NERD 1: I’m sipping a diet coke as we speak!

MUSIC NERD 2: I wonder if there are any instances where the makers of the product turned around and use the song for ads.
The Clash had the song Koka Kola and Stone Temple Pilots had Vasoline

MUSIC NERD 1: Haha true
I would love it if Scott Weiland was the spokesman for Vaseline
OK this one sounds like Bittersweet Symphony

MUSIC NERD 2: “Hi, I’m Scott Weiland from rock group Stone Temple Pilots. And when my hands are dry, there’s one remedy I always turn to.”

MUSIC NERD 1: Hahaha

MUSIC NERD 2: I liked that “Diet Mtn Dew” tune. Her man didn’t wanna get buck wild on that one.
Yeah, this “National Anthem” is a bittersweet symphony of sorts.

MUSIC NERD 1: I like the chorus of National Anthem, but i’m kind of getting tired of her

MUSIC NERD 2:
Ha

MUSIC NERD 1: I predict my patience will run out in under two songs

MUSIC NERD 2: 
Did she just do an a capella version of the porno guitar? “bow chicka wow wow”?

MUSIC NERD 1: I’m not quite there yet i don’t think

MUSIC NERD 2: Nope. she’s saying something else. phew.

MUSIC NERD 1: Blegh i don’t know, this isn’t gelling for me

MUSIC NERD 2: I’m gonna soldier through.
Will I be all alone?!

MUSIC NERD 1: Maybe the next one will be better
This whispery part “of success!”

MUSIC NERD 2: This “Dark Paradise” song sounds like they’d play it after “Wind Beneath My Wings” as the credits roll.
You know, when they’re showing who did like the key grip and who the best boy was.

MUSIC NERD 1: Ooh good call!
Hahah
Totally
It’s got that big anthemic ’80s feel to it

MUSIC NERD 2:
Yeah. Like the kids from Martika’s “Toy Soldiers” song will join in soon.

MUSIC NERD 1: Totally
But i mean, sometimes she has so many different little tangents in these songs, i know it’s supposed to Be interesting
But to me, its incohesive
She’s the best when it comes to choruses
I think she sucks at writing verses
Just, in general

MUSIC NERD 2: Yeah. this “Radio” tune is a good example of that.
This is a little frustrating that i thought when i first heard her how original she sounded. And now we just keep saying “this sounds like this earlier song.”
So a lot of this…

is to me, sounding a lot like this…

MUSIC NERD 1: Hahaha
The visual is perfect

MUSIC NERD 2: But can’t you hear that a little too?

MUSIC NERD 1: I’d have to go back and listen to Tiffany
 I feel like all these songs are meant to show off how sexy she is
Maybe that’s my bias

MUSIC NERD 2: I think that’s just one of the registers of her voice
There’s another one that’s just to show off how badass she is

MUSIC NERD 1: Yep
Now she’s ripping off Carmen the opera?

MUSIC NERD 2: I don’t know the music from that opera to know if she’s ripping off any melodies from it
I just know the one part that they used in “Up.”

MUSIC NERD 1: Musically this isn’t referencing the play
Just the theme of the opera

MUSIC NERD 2: Do you think if David Lynch were still as active as he was in the 80s, he’d bring Lana Del Rey into his fold?

MUSIC NERD 1: I could see her as the lady in the furnace

MUSIC NERD 2:
Yeah
Is it my attention span or is it this “Million Dollar Man” song that’s lacking?

MUSIC NERD 1: This reminds me of when Madonna did her Dick Tracy album
It’s as overproduced and murky with too many strings’
But it’s trying to be all loungey
“He’s a Man with a Gun in His Hand”
“Wagin’ a war between good and evil can be a bore!”

MUSIC NERD 2: is that a Madonna line?

MUSIC NERD 1: Yeah

MUSIC NERD 2: Breathless Mahoney, right?

MUSIC NERD 1:
Breathless Mahoney
Hahah yes

MUSIC NERD 2: I wish I were the contrary music fan who was adamant about that album being her best.

MUSIC NERD 1: Well, i do have a a strong sentimental bond with it
But Like a Prayer was her best album ever
In my opinion

MUSIC NERD 2: I like the one with “Ray of Light” a lot.

MUSIC NERD 1:
Oh yeah that was a good one too!

MUSIC NERD 2: I think it’s actually called “Ray of Light,” right?
Lana Del Rey of light. Har har.
Man, i really hope this isn’t the final sequence.
They should have spaced out the hits a little bit more
This “Summertime Sadness” really sounds like filler upon first listen
Four more to go!
Please blow me away, next song!

MUSIC NERD 1: The marching band drums aren’t really used to great effect here

MUSIC NERD 2: [whispered]:  “Pabst Blue Ribbon on ice”

MUSIC NERD 1: Ugh was that really a lyric?
Oh god

MUSIC NERD 2: That’ll be an oft-quoted line in the bars.

MUSIC NERD 1: I can’t,
Gag reflex
: -&
I’m so sick of that heavy electronic drone that’s on every track
I know that’s probably what makes her “gangsta”
But that’s part of what makes all of these songs sound the same

MUSIC NERD 2: Good point
I’m hearing a lot of “Nothing Compares 2 U” in the production too.
You?

MUSIC NERD 1: In this “Without You”?
Yeah i could see that

MUSIC NERD 2: Yup

MUSIC NERD 1: This album is boring

MUSIC NERD 2: I wonder if this album does truly get boring or is it my needy attention span?

MUSIC NERD 1: I’m sure it’s a bit of both

MUSIC NERD 2: Yeah. I wonder if I’ll ever have a relationship with another album that is as close as the ones that I’ve grown up with.
This “Lolita” song also uses Mr. Distortion saying, “Yeah!” on it.

MUSIC NERD 1: Ugh
Not a fan. It’s official

MUSIC NERD 2: Do you think her star will continue to rise or will the rest of the world pull a “ANONYMOUS NAME OF MUSIC NERD 1″?

MUSIC NERD 1: Hmm
I’m hoping for a “ANONYMOUS NAME OF MUSIC NERD 1″

MUSIC NERD 2: SNL=strike one, Samey songs=strike two
Boringly long album=strike three?

MUSIC NERD 1: Everyone says her performance on Jools Holland was so great

MUSIC NERD 2: I liked it

MUSIC NERD 1: I just don’t think she’s a good performer in general
Like she’s sorta weak
It’s nothing like listening say, to Adele
Whose voice is strong. That woman was meant to be a singer
Lana Del Rey is just an artsy poseur

MUSIC NERD 2: It’s tough, because i think those songs that leaked this summer were great, but you really can’t make interesting music in your basement anymore without the whole world wanting to barge in.
So like as soon as those songs leaked, she was probably aware of people’s perceptions
and as scared as she looked on SNL

MUSIC NERD 1: I guess you’re right

MUSIC NERD 2: This “Lucky Ones” song is okay, but yeah, I’m not super eager to give this album another listen in its entirety.
maybe I’ll go back to it in a few days and I’ll be ready for it?
dunno.

MUSIC NERD 1: that’s worth a shot
i already erased it from my iTunes!

MUSIC NERD 2:
Well, okay then. Guess you won’t be giving it another shot.

MUSIC NERD 1: nope!

MUSIC NERD 2: I give the first listen a B in total then
and you give it an F?

MUSIC NERD 1: I’d give it like, a C-minus

MUSIC NERD 2: okay then



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Mutant worms stay sober, even on alcohol

U.S. researchers have developed "mutant worms" that do not get drunk by alcohol, a breakthrough that could lead to new treatment for people trying to quit drinking

Local

K-9 nose helps capture $150K in cocaine at…

A furry, four-legged security agent helped authorities stop an illegal cocaine shipment from sneaking past JFK customs.

National

Minnesota man asked to leave Southwest flight after…

A man and his two sons were asked to leave a Southwest Airlines flight after the man sent a tweet complaining about being treated rudely by a gate agent.

National

Man sues hospital after surprise penis amputation

An Alabama man who went in to a hospital last month for a circumcision awoke after surgery to find his penis had been amputated, his lawyer said on Thursday.

Movies

Review: Brett Ratner's big 'Hercules' movie is small…

The latest "Hercules," starring Dwayne Johnson as the half-god beefcake of Greek myth, strips its hero and tale of most of its fantastical elements.

Arts

Scientists recreate world's smallest Monet copy

Scientists have reproduced a famous Impressionist painting using nano-printing, to create what has been described as the world's smallest work of art. Reworked at the…

Television

Jerry Seinfeld is ambidextrous, and other Reddit AMA…

See some of the weirder highlights of Jerry Seinfeld's recent Reddit AMA.

Going Out

Grab a pedestrian and start dancing at What…

As a New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of focusing my gaze straight ahead. Though it occasionally piques my interest, the absurdities that play out…

U.S. Soccer

Orlando City takes shot at NYCFC over Frank…

Orlando City reminded the world how big a signing Brazilian star Kaka earlier this month with a photo of Kaka mobbed by fans juxtaposed against Lampard.

NBA

Jeremy Lin says 'Linsanity' is over as he…

Jeremy Lin lit up the NBA two years ago with his play for the Knicks but he has no desire to recreate "Linsanity" in his new career with the Lakers.

NFL

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player…

2014 NFL Fantasy Football Top 100 overall player rankings

U.S. Soccer

NYCFC announce signing of Frank Lampard

The tease of a big signing Thursday by new MLS side NYCFC ended up being one rumored for weeks. England midfielder Frank Lampard agreed to…

Tech

Forget Wi-Fi: Li-Fi could be the future

Li-Fi technology – developed by Mexican company Sisoft – is wireless internet connectivity using specialized LED light.

Tech

Weather app Climendo might be the most accurate…

The wait for a truly accurate weather forecast could finally be over thanks to a nifty new app called Climendo.

Tech

Napkin Table puts focus off the phone and…

Michael Jan, a design student at Tunghai University in Taiwan, has invented a serviette-picnic blanket hybrid called the Napkin Table.

Style

Essie's new Color Boutique

Essie launches high-tech kiosks at major airports and malls across the country.