Here is your anti-V-Day playlist of inappropriate Valentine’s songs

Indie songstress Liz Phair has two songs on our list.

We all instinctively know what goes into a Valentine’s Day mix tape: songs of romantic love and devotion, preferably with lots of rhymes about ‘hearts.’

However, you’re probably listening to a bunch of those songs already today. In the spirit of fairness, we’ve decided to make an anti-Valentine’s Day playlist, full of the inappropriate songs you wouldn’t send to the object of your affection in a million years. (NSFW language, obviously.)

Enjoy!

Prince, “Sister”

It’s not uncommon to wish your sister a happy Valentine’s Day, but we’d suggest you if you do, you refrain from playing her this ode to incest.

The Rolling Stones, “Andrew’s Blues”

What do you mean, you mean you’re not in the mood for a sexually explicit song about the nighttime exploits of the Rolling Stones’ manager?

Liz Phair, “F**k and Run”

Yes, sex can be a romantic activity. But as Ms. Phair reminds us here, it can also be rote and joyless. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Shaggy, “It Wasn’t Me”

Lying and infidelity — they’re all around!

Eminem, “Stan”

Love: It’s a beautiful thing.

Crash Test Dummies, “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm”

Nothing gets me in the mood like wordless baritone humming.

Liz Phair, “H.W.C.”

This is a really cute song! But it’s also kind of gross.

Joy Division, “No Love Lost”

“Through the wire screen, the eyes of those standing outside looked in at her as into the cage of some rare creature in a zoo. In the hand of one of the assistants she saw the same instrument which they had that morning inserted deep into her body. She shuddered instinctively. No life at all in the house of dolls.” Sexy!

Ace of Base, “All That She Wants”

Send this to a crush, and they will probably get the wrong idea.

The Clash, “Protex Blue”

Nothing says romance to me like “used condoms.”

Everlast, “What It’s Like”

Your relationship, too, will likely end in heartbreak and despair.

Chris Brown ft. Ludacris, “Wet the Bed”

Chris Brown. Ugh.

Happy Valentine’s Day!



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Thousands protest in New York over Eric Garner…

The Reverend Al Sharpton led thousands of chanting but peaceful activists in a march across Staten Island on Saturday to protest the death of Eric Garner.

International

Egypt calls for Gaza ceasefire as fighting rages

Egypt called on Israel and the Palestinians on Saturday to halt fire and resume peace talks, but violence continued unabated.

National

SpaceX rocket terminated in Texas test flight

A Space Exploration Technologies’ Falcon 9 rocket suffered an anomaly shortly after launch on a test flight, triggering its automatic termination system.

Local

MAP: New York City Street Closures August 22,…

The Percy Sutton Harlem 5K and NYC Family Health Walk-a-thon and Pakistan Day Parade and Fair will cause traffic delays and street closures in New York City this weekend. Plan…

Music

Arcade Fire concert review, Massachusetts, Aug. 19

Arcade Fire take the opposite approach of "Shut up and play the hits," and it works in their favor on the "Reflektor" tour.

Television

Recap: 'The Knick,' Season 1, Episode 3, 'The…

The third episode of Steven Soderbergh's "The Knick" finds Dr. Thackery (Clive Owen) meeting an old flame and other characters embracing self-destruction.

Music

Webcast: Watch Polyphonic Spree live on Sunday Aug.…

Polyphonic Spree singer Tim DeLaughter sits with Metro Music Editor Pat Healy for a chat and then the big band performs live. It begins on Sunday at 9:30 pm

Movies

Matthew Weiner on directing 'Are You Here' and…

"Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner discusses his movie "Are You Here," his history writing comedy and the tiny movie he directed in 1996 you can't see.

NFL

3 things we learned about the Giants in…

The Giants claimed the Snoopy trophy in a battle of MetLife Stadium tenants Friday night. But more importantly, the offense finally showed some life in…

NFL

3 things we learned about the Jets in…

The Jets lost the Snoopy Bowl, 35-24, to the Giants, losing the trophy and local bragging rights.

NFL

Fantasy football draft guide: How to draft your…

Many are wondering if we’re entering a new age in fantasy football drafting — one where running backs take a backseat.

NFL

Jets vs. Giants: 3 Giants storylines to watch

The Giants have plenty to work on as they reach the dress rehearsal preseason game Friday night against the rival Jets.

Wellbeing

Asics is giving away free gear around NYC…

Asics wants to see you on the court - and in the stands for the U.S. Open, which begins Monday - by giving away free…

Sex

Big weddings may lead to long-term happiness

Dreaming of a big wedding? A new study indicates that the longer your guest list, the happier you’ll be in the long run. l A…

Sex

Online dating for every generation

Frank Jackson and his mother Maggie are like lots of modern families: They have dinner together regularly, keep each other updated on their lives —…

Wellbeing

Going green could be the key to getting…

If we could just pursue the things that would actually make us happy, we could help the environment too, according to a New York researcher.…