The five most embarrassing rhymes in Justin Bieber’s ‘Boyfriend’

As Justin Bieber emerges from puberty and tries to bring his music along with him, the result is a song with lyrics so ridiculous that it’s actually funny.

Behold: “Boyfriend.”

Since we know the slightest bit of criticism is enough to spark unmeasurable outrage among tween ”Beliebers,” we decided to present evidence to back up our case that this song is downright embarrassing.

Let us begin with the overuse (or just general use) of the words “swag” and “swaggie.” What is swaggie? Are we too old to understand this?

And now, brace yourself for the five worst rhymes in Justin Bieber’s song “Boyfriend.”

1. “Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know, I’ve got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow.” What is Justin Bieber, the new T.I.? We know the kid is a gazillionaire but is he really going to throw cash into the mix of his most whimsical, romantic song yet?

2. “Swag on you, chillin by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” Now, that is some romantic stuff right there. Roaring fire and fondue? See Biebs, with game like that, you don’t need to go around throwin’ down dolla dolla billz.

3. “So say hello to falsetto in three, two, SWAG!” Well, hello, falsetto! We were so worried you were gone, what with all these big boy lyrics.

4. “Tell me what you like girl, tell me what you don’t. I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe.” So yeah, just in case you needed any more proof that this song is a sad attempt at seeming more “grown up,” Biebs throws in a “Toy Story” reference.

5. “I don’t never wanna fight, yeah, you already know. I’m a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow. Burrr.” Aside from the double negative (Come on, Biebs, we know your grammar is better than that), we don’t even understand what this means. Do people get shinier when they’re laying in the snow? If anything, they start to lose color, right?