The five most embarrassing rhymes in Justin Bieber’s ‘Boyfriend’

Hey, you! Do you want some fondue?

As Justin Bieber emerges from puberty and tries to bring his music along with him, the result is a song with lyrics so ridiculous that it’s actually funny.

Behold: “Boyfriend.”

Since we know the slightest bit of criticism is enough to spark unmeasurable outrage among tween ”Beliebers,” we decided to present evidence to back up our case that this song is downright embarrassing.

Let us begin with the overuse (or just general use) of the words “swag” and “swaggie.” What is swaggie? Are we too old to understand this?

And now, brace yourself for the five worst rhymes in Justin Bieber’s song “Boyfriend.”

1. “Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know, I’ve got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow.” What is Justin Bieber, the new T.I.? We know the kid is a gazillionaire but is he really going to throw cash into the mix of his most whimsical, romantic song yet?

2. “Swag on you, chillin by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” Now, that is some romantic stuff right there. Roaring fire and fondue? See Biebs, with game like that, you don’t need to go around throwin’ down dolla dolla billz.

3. “So say hello to falsetto in three, two, SWAG!” Well, hello, falsetto! We were so worried you were gone, what with all these big boy lyrics.

4. “Tell me what you like girl, tell me what you don’t. I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe.” So yeah, just in case you needed any more proof that this song is a sad attempt at seeming more “grown up,” Biebs throws in a “Toy Story” reference.

5. “I don’t never wanna fight, yeah, you already know. I’m a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow. Burrr.” Aside from the double negative (Come on, Biebs, we know your grammar is better than that), we don’t even understand what this means. Do people get shinier when they’re laying in the snow? If anything, they start to lose color, right?


News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
International

'Barack Obama cheats on Michelle' claims Japanese politician…

A senior Japanese politician has marred Barack Obama's official visit to Tokyo with bizarre claims that the President cheats on his wife Michelle. Kazuyuki Hamada,…

International

British Royal family devastated by freak NY death…

The British royals have been left devastated by the death of Mark Shand, younger brother of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, after a freak fall in…

Local

VIDEO: Police seek suspect in molotov cocktail attack…

Police released surveillance video on Wednesday in hopes of tracking down a man who threw a molotov cocktail inside a Brooklyn corner store.

Local

City Council budget asks for 1,000 additional NYPD…

Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito unveiled the City Council's budget priorities on Wednesday, including the extra cops for the NYPD at a cost of $94.3 million.

Television

‘Survivor: Cagayan’ recap: Episode 9

It was only an hour-long episode, but there's a lot to cover this week. The drama of Survivor strikes again as the identity of the…

Television

TV watch list, Wednesday, April 23: 'Suburgatory,' 'Modern…

'Suburgatory' The men of "Suburgatory" go camping and Tessa mentors a social outcast in a Miss Chatswin contest, which brings her, once again, into conflict…

The Word

The best lines from Oprah's ex-stepmother's Daily Mail…

Oprah’s ex-stepmother, Barbara Winfrey, is out for revenge.

Books

A debut novel about fate, love and moving…

Pia Padukone talks about her debut novel, "Where Earth Meets Water."

NFL

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24…

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Updated, new April 24 version

NFL

Giants 2014 regular season schedule

The Giants will play five prime-time games — against the Lions, Redskins, Eagles, Colts and Cowboys.

MLB

Jets 2014 regular season schedule

The Jets will play three prime-time games — against the Bears, Patriots and Dolphins — as well as a CBS national game in Week 2 at Green Bay.

NBA

Phil Jackson talked to Steve Kerr, pushes for…

Knicks president Phil Jackson spoke to the media for the first time since firing head coach Mike Woodson on Monday.

Style

Pippa Middleton's Etsy pick: Golden Thread Jewelry

Get a look at the jewelry Pippa Middleton loves and find out how you can buy it too.

Parenting

What every parent needs to know to get…

Mom and author of "Small Talk," Tracey Blake, shares her five practical tips to help you develop your children's language skills.

Sex

Subway crush: Meet your soulmate on your commute

Read about a couple who has been 40 years after meeting on the train.

Tech

Happy birthday, Game Boy! The handheld console turns…

Nintendo's Game Boy turns 25 this week. To commemorate, we look at some of its better games, like "Tetris" and "The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening."