The five most embarrassing rhymes in Justin Bieber’s ‘Boyfriend’

Hey, you! Do you want some fondue?

As Justin Bieber emerges from puberty and tries to bring his music along with him, the result is a song with lyrics so ridiculous that it’s actually funny.

Behold: “Boyfriend.”

Since we know the slightest bit of criticism is enough to spark unmeasurable outrage among tween ”Beliebers,” we decided to present evidence to back up our case that this song is downright embarrassing.

Let us begin with the overuse (or just general use) of the words “swag” and “swaggie.” What is swaggie? Are we too old to understand this?

And now, brace yourself for the five worst rhymes in Justin Bieber’s song “Boyfriend.”

1. “Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know, I’ve got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow.” What is Justin Bieber, the new T.I.? We know the kid is a gazillionaire but is he really going to throw cash into the mix of his most whimsical, romantic song yet?

2. “Swag on you, chillin by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” Now, that is some romantic stuff right there. Roaring fire and fondue? See Biebs, with game like that, you don’t need to go around throwin’ down dolla dolla billz.

3. “So say hello to falsetto in three, two, SWAG!” Well, hello, falsetto! We were so worried you were gone, what with all these big boy lyrics.

4. “Tell me what you like girl, tell me what you don’t. I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe.” So yeah, just in case you needed any more proof that this song is a sad attempt at seeming more “grown up,” Biebs throws in a “Toy Story” reference.

5. “I don’t never wanna fight, yeah, you already know. I’m a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow. Burrr.” Aside from the double negative (Come on, Biebs, we know your grammar is better than that), we don’t even understand what this means. Do people get shinier when they’re laying in the snow? If anything, they start to lose color, right?



News
Entertainment
Sports
Lifestyle
National

Woman dies when run over by bus at…

A woman at the Burning Man arts and culture festival in the Nevada desert died on Thursday when she was run over by a bus carrying participants.

National

Texas parents sue day care center for duct…

By Marice RichterDALLAS (Reuters) - A Texas couple has filed a lawsuit against the owners of a Fort Worth-area day care center seeking $1 million…

National

Santa Fe city council votes to decriminalize marijuana

By Joseph KolbALBUQUERQUE N.M. (Reuters) - Santa Fe on Wednesday became the latest U.S. city to decriminalize small amounts of marijuana, with lawmakers in the…

International

Egypt queries Mursi over documents "leaked" to Al…

CAIRO (Reuters) - Egypt is investigating jailed ex-president Mohamed Mursi in connection with documents that judicial investigators say were leaked to the Qatar-based Al Jazeera…

Going Out

'Friends' coffeehouse Central Perk coming to NYC —…

"Friends" is coming back for a one-off special: "The One with the Free Coffee." Warner Bros. is bringing a pop-up replica of Central Perk, the…

Movies

Interview: 'As Above, So Below' directors: 5 ways…

The fraternal directors of the found footage horror "As Above, So Below" dish on the best ways to frighten the bejesus out of audiences.

Movies

Criterion's new Jacques Demy box mixes the light…

Jacques Demy, the most effervescent of French New Wave filmmakers, gets a Criterion box all to himself, with classics like "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg."

Entertainment

Comedian Joan Rivers, 81, rushed to New York…

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Acerbic comedian and fashion critic Joan Rivers was rushed to Mount Sinai Hospital in New York on Thursday after she reportedly…

NFL

3 things we learned in the Giants preseason…

The final score didn’t matter — a 16-13 win by the Giants — but it would’ve been nice to finally see Big Blue’s new-look offense get on track.

NFL

NFL Power Rankings: Seahawks, Broncos, Patriots, 49ers start…

NFL Power Rankings: Seahawks, Broncos, Patriots start at top

U.S. Soccer

5 facts about new England captain Wayne Rooney

Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney was named as the new England captain by coach Roy Hodgson on Thursday.

NFL

Jets vs. Eagles: 3 things to watch

A win on Thursday night at the Eagles would give the Jets a 3-1 record and just their second winning preseason under head coach Rex Ryan.

Style

Trend: White hot on the 2014 Emmy's red…

White was one of the big trends on the Emmy's red carpet.

Food

Recipe: Samuel Adams beer-marinated grilled shrimp

Summer calls for two things: a cold beer and light food. Sam Adams' Latitude 48 IPA fairly bursts with citrus notes, making it an ideal marinade…

Wellbeing

4 healthy ingredient swaps to make your meals…

When it comes to eating well, everyone knows they could be doing better. But cooking in an apartment on a busy schedule is a recipe…

Wellbeing

Heart trumps brain when it comes to movies…

When you need a good cry, do you reach for the movie that’s “based on a true story”? Science says you’re giving your brain far…